Elderly relative feels like a prisoner in own home

longwalks1

Asking on behalf of my partner, so here goes.  My partners elderly auntie (her mums sister, about 85 I think) lived for many years on her own, in her own bungalow by the coast. In the last 6 months her daughter has moved back in, with her new boyfriend. Neither of them work, they’ve taken over both bedrooms in the bungalow and moved elderly aunties bed into the lounge.  Put all of her stuff in the loft and shed and generally taken over. Built dog kennels and chicken coops in her back garden. People visiting at all hours.  

Auntie still writes letters to her sister (my gf’s Mum) and says they both do nothing, have taken over and she feels like a prisoner in her own home.  They recorded a call she made to her sister and had a go at her for moaning about them. I’ve met the daughter once, and she is everything you may be picturing.

My partner is obviously worried about her aunties welfare but we are unsure of how, who or even if it can be reported?  Who would we speak to first?  

  We can’t pop in to check on her that often as we are 2 hours drive away, otherwise we’d be round there weekly to see how she is. 

tacpot12

Social Services should respond if you report a safeguarding concern. However, I think the best thing to do to start with is to offer to take the aunt out for a day and talk to her. Find out if she really wants them out, and if so, is she prepared to accept the consequences of forcing them out?

It might be as well to look, with her, at the positives of them being there. If she were to have a fall, or or take ill, there is a chance that they would call an ambulance. Within no one there, she is quite vulnerable.

You shoudl also look at what changes they would have to make for them to be welcome to stay. Are there changes that they could make? 

Ultimately if she wants them out and is prepared for it to ruin their relationship, you and your partner need to think about how much you are prepared to help her get them out, given that it could cause you significant problems. 

If they do have to leave, the way to do it is to sit down with them and tell them very straightforwardly that the Aunt has decided that she wants them to leave and that she is giving them two months to find somewhere to move to. (They will need at least two months as they will find it difficult to rent somewhere with dogs and chickens). 

If she wants to give them the option of making changes, schedule a review for six months time where you all sit down again to make a decision. Stay in touch with the Aunt and go to Social Services if they start bullying her. 

littlegreenparrot

Ok, this is obviously a bit tricky as you don't know how much has been discussed with the Aunt, and how much she has said she is ok with, although she may have felt under pressure and not able to say No to any of these changes.

It sounds a lot like 'cuckooing', this is a practice where people will move into a vulnerable persons home and use it for their own purposes. Often its for drugs/sex work but not in this case. 

I have done a lot of training in safeguarding as part of my job. Reading your post made all the little red lights go off in my head. If it were my relative I would be having a chat with Social services to raise concerns, and visiting as often as I could. Making a point to to go out somewhere so that the Aunt can speak freely without fear of being overhead and possible repercussions. 

TBagpuss

Yes, as others have said, it's worth speaking to Social Services and also visiting, taking Auntie out to talk to her away from the others and asking her what she wants to do.

Assuming that Dau and partner are not on the deeds they likely have no right to be in the property and can be told to leave. Auntie might want to consider giving someone else Powers of Attorney which might be helpful in allowing that person to have the difficult conversations, and possibly also look at whether there is any kind of fincial exploitation going on. May be particularly helpful both to give Auntie some back up and also to ensure that if Auntie's health declines, Dau is not the one taking control of her financial affairs.

If it turns out that Auntie has already been pressured into giving PoA to dau then she can revoke them and grant new ones to someone else. 

pollypenny

It is very worrying that the interlopers have taken over both bedrooms. Definitely a safeguarding issue. I would contact social services, but try to visit in the meantime as SS are inundated with work. 

TBagpuss

It may we worth your partner contacting the local police to ask whether a PCSO could meet her (partner) at the property to assist if she goes there to tell the dau to leave, and to get the locks changed, and move Auntie back into her bedroom.

f they are monitoring her calls and were abusive to her about what she said you could also speak to the police - It sounds to me as though their behaviour could very well fall within the definition of Coercive and controlling behaviour, which is a criminal offence (
https://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/2015/9/section/76/enacted ) 

And even if Auntie doesn't want to pursue that or make a formal report, it might be useful - for example your partner might well be able to encourage dau to leave by making clear that if they don't leave voluntarily Auntie will be contacting the police with a view to her being charged, or the police may be able /wiling to give her a verbal warning and advice to leave (obviously the second part would depend on the views of the local police, but it's definitely worth considering.(I am assuming that Auntie may not be willing to say she wants them to be arrested / charged, and while the police can proceed in those circumstances, they obviously do have to consider whether they would have sufficient evidence without her cooperation)

CottonTail

How awful the poor woman. Can you speak to the daughter herself and ask what the intentions are? Is it a temporary thing etc, 

getmore4less

https://www.gov.uk/report-abuse-of-older-person

Help and advice

If you want to discuss your concerns and get some advice, contact Action on Elder Abuse.

Action on Elder Abuse helpline
Telephone: 0808 808 8141

longwalks1

Thank you everyone. We’re trying to arrange to take mum up to see her sister for a day and take her out for lunch to see how she feels.  Also my partner is going to call social services for advice. 

Thanks again everyone for your advice on this sensitive question