Divorce questions

thmsn30

Bit of background: friend has been separated for 18 months. His Ex lives with 2 autistic daughters in jointly owned outright house. 

Questions:

in the heat of an argument his ex said he wouldn’t see the girls again until “she’d seen him in court” given neither even has a solicitor yet this is likely to be some time away, can she do this? Is there anything he can do to speed this up if she can?

they had originally agreed that she could live in their house with the kids till they were older but he is struggling on his single income and paying rent while she lives in their nice house with few outgoings. Can he ask her to sell the house now? What can be done if she says no?

he is moving for work/ relationship in the next few months about an hour away. The ex is not happy about this as it will likely mean their elder daughter (almost 18) won’t go to stay with her dad anymore. He has arranged to meet his daughter for lunch or whatever suits her regularly and both seem ok with this. 

However the younger daughter is struggling with (he thinks) mental health and doesn’t like to leave her room some days. He is worried she won’t visit as the travel and leaving her room would be too much for her. He has proposed that he can see her at her home while they get her assessed and some help or support in place. The ex is upset about this though as it would mean she loses her freedom as he usually has his girls  thurs, fri and sat nights and half the holidays. 

Can the ex force the girl to visit her dad overnight? Can he visit his daughter at their joint owned house if the ex doesn’t like the idea? Would court take mental health/autism of his daughter into account?

many thanks in advance for any advice

HampshireH

How old is the younger one? Sounds old enough to choose (so secondary school age?)

She cannot be forced as if old enough a court will consider what the child wants.

In terms of the ex and her freedom. She would have even less if he chose to move back in.

Surely if she values her freedom then she won't restrict his access?

On the money side and selling...... It will be a long slog for your friend if she doesn't want to

thmsn30

Yes his younger girl is 13 but her mum does seem to force things that suit her agenda. 

TBagpuss

OK, he needs to see a solicitor and get some proper advice ASAP.

In terms of the children, you mention that they have autism - this is relevant as it may impact their needs - the level of care and support they need will affect their mother's ability to work / increase her earnings / become financially independent, and it is also likely to affect her housing needs, particularly if the children are likely to need ongoing help and support for longer than if they were neurotypical.

Generally, a court cannot make orders about children who are over 16, so the elder daughter can decide for herself whether and how she spends time with her dad. Meeting her for coffee etc sounds reasonable if that suits her .

In making orders, a court will take into account the wishes and feelings of the child, considered in light of their age and understanding - t 13, normally the child's wishes would be the deciding factor but obviously the effect and severity of her autism will make a difference.

Short term, on a practical level mum can stop contact as the children live with her and clearly dad showing up and trying to force his way in is not going to be in anyone's interests, but it sounds as though they both need to calm down a little and start trying to look at what will be best for their children - I'd suggest that he self-refers to mediation to try to discuss contact arrangements. 
And if part of the issue is that his proposed move will mean she suddenly gets a lot more child care responsibility dumped on her then mum has a completely legitimate concern - it isn't about her 'losing her freedom' its about him abdicating responsibility for the care of his children and assuming she will pick up the slack. And with children who are struggling and need a lot of care and support. If he is saying he can't care for them it would be sensible for him to think about he can do to east that extra strain he is planning to dump on her. Rather than talking about forcing the poor child to stya overnight, why not think about what would make it easier for her and her sister to continue to see their dad - would it work if he didn't move quite so far away? What if he were to  come to spend time with them locally, even if they went back to the house to sleep? Are there any things tht would make a trip to his new home easier? 

If the 13 yo has a support woker then it may be worth speaking with that person about how to manage any transition. 

However, it would make sense for him to consider whether moving away is going to be in his children's interests - can he delay the move or compromise so he is not so far away, so that they don't risk losing the relationship with him, even if that mean a longer commute in the short term? 

Longer term, looking at the finances, a court*can* order the sale of the house and can determine how the sale proceeds are split, they can also order that one party is able to remain living there for a set period, or for the house to be transferred into one party's sole name - which is appropriate will depend on a lot of information including things such as what each party is and can earn, what the children need, what each party has as mortgage capacity etc.