Move Closer to Work OR Family when having children?

Adamc

We are currently looking to move and don't know whether to move within walking distance of work and gett rid of one car (with a view to purchasing nursery childcare after maternity) or to move closer to parents who are semi-retired and approaching retirement age and who have offered free childcare? The commute would be 30 mins - 1 hour to work if we moved within a practical radius of them. 

Has anyone else faced such a dilemma? 

maman

Personally I'd go for the childcare offer as you might change your job or find one car inconvenient but you'll appreciate the support of parents for years to come. It might be worth looking at nurseries and schools in the area too that parents could easily access when the time comes. 

BrassicWoman

I'd decide after some trial childcare when everyone knows if the dream is the reality and can make more informed decisions. Grandparents underestimate effort required. Parents underestimate how different parenting styles can be.

thegreenone

A friend from my walking group gave up all her social activities in retirement to look after her beloved grandson every day.  After six months she had a breakdown. Completely exhausted. No social life outside looking after her grandson.

Please have a very serious chat with parents about how much time they will have for childcare.  They are retiring from jobs but may not want to take on another full-time job ie Mon-Fri 8am to 6pm childcare and will want a social life.  It's hard work at 25 but even harder work at 65+.

Is the proposed location within walking distance to nursery/primary school?  If so, I would opt for that and ask parents if they could help out a couple of days a week, possibly staying over the night before.

maman

I agree with posters about the commitment for grandparents which is why I suggested exploring local nurseries to have a balance. It's also possible that mum or dad (or both) could work a shorter week at first so that childcare isn't needed every day. 🤔

urbansense

I also agree with the above posters. Finding a balance should help. May be get the grandparents to look after children for a few hours during the week and get the remaining at a nursery? Although shorter commute to work is great, but moving houses is a bigger deal altogether.

Siebrie

Please consider what it would mean for you (and husband?) to have a 1-hour commute to work every single day. It will drain energy, you will have less time to cook, clean, actually play with the child(ren), and - later - less time to drop them off at their hobbies and help with homework. Those 2 hours don't seem so much now, but when you have 2 jobs (paid and parent) it soon is too much.

Username03725

Grandparents won't be able to offer the same [close to] 100% commitment that a nursery can. There will be times when they're away, busy, ill or just can't. I'd also factor in the child or children getting the wider social skills that childcare can provide and that g/parents may not be able to offer.

Mainly though the hour's drive to work becomes a grind, and there will be enough days when the hour becomes 90 minutes due to traffic or whatever, and you'll always be a minimum of an hour away when something comes up at school that needs your attention. It will; that's what kids do randomly all through their school lives.

Being closer to them with an easy commute seems to be the better option.

maman

I don't think the social side of nursery is so important at the baby/toddler stage but I wouldn't rely 100% on grandparents.

Many friends of mine have parents that can take a child to nursery or school or clubs when they're at work so aren't looking after them totally.

It's always good to use a nursery or a child minder at least once a week and many will add extra days temporarily if needed.

Personally I always did a longish commute and found it good switch off time. 

TBagpuss

I think a lot depends on things like the alternatives for child care - are the grandparents likely to be be doing it full time, or part time to help you save money on nursery fees?  How will you get the children to and from their home?
What facilities are there for nursery or child minders if grandparents aren't able to help, or to help as much, as currently anticipated? 

Is it an option to find somewhere in the middle? So your commute would be a bit shorter and you would be relatively near the grandparents - maybe 15-20 minutes from them and 20-30 minutes from work?  An hour is a long commute (at least in my view) and if you work 9-5 that means grandparents or nursery would be caring for them 8-6 - that's a very long day!  

Child care is very hard work so you may find that what works is an arrangement where they perhaps do 1 or 2 days a week, and you use a nursery for 1 or 2 days, and perhaps one or both of you work slightly reduced hours / compressed hours so that you can also be at home with the child some of the time. 

sheramber

If you are  travelling to and from work for an hour, that is two more hours a day you will not be with your child.

Have you worked out what your hours would be?

By the time my nephew picked his child up from the nanny he  brought him home and put him to bed. Two days at the weekend spent with your child is not much.