Moral & Legal Dilema

JAMCT

Background information:

1. A very good long term friend (F) and next door neighbour of mine died over 3 years ago.
2. Her solicitor was the executor of her Will.
3. F was estranged for over 20 years from her only son, (who previousl lived with her), therefor I was pre-nominated as 'next of kin' by F.
4. F instructed her solicitor not to trace her son nor inform him of her death.
5. Her son was not a beneficiary of her Will.
6. My wife and I and various charities were beneficiaries.
7. F instructed her solicitor to ask me to arrange her funeral and wake which I did.
8. I was asked to keep some of her personal chattles, wedding ring, photographs etc in case, in due course, her son heard of his mother's passing and made contact ( by calling next door or to my home.)
9. During a short illness my wife & I had access to our friend's home, took her to most hospital appointments, did shopping and household chores and was at her bedside in hospital up to an hour before she passed away. 
10. Todate, F's son has not been in touch.

Dilema!

Being nearly 4 years since my friend died and having recently had a spring clean, coming across my friend's personal belongings again, should I now track down her son and inform him of his mother's death?. 
 I have obtained some very good clues to his wherabouts as he did have many friends in the area and by chance, I got talking to someone who new him and who also was unaware of my friends death.
Does the instruction to the executor not to inform my friend's son still apply to me in light of probate and the Will being in the public domain?.

Advice will be very welcome.

Keep_pedalling

You are not the executor so the instruction does not apply to you, although personally I would let sleeping dogs lie.

maman

It's possible that now you've spoken to this friend that the son might get to hear and make contact. If not, I'd leave it. 

JAMCT

Thanks to both previous posters. I was thinking the same...I'll sit tight for now and in the event of my demise, I'll leave instructions for my executor to dispose of the 'labled' parcel of my late friend's belongings.

TBagpuss

I agree that the instruction doesn't cover you. It may be that she wanted to ensure that none of the estate was wasted in costs of tracking him down, and/or that she wanted to avoid any risk of his showing up and disrupting the funeral. 

I think it is up to you - I don't think you have any moral obligation either  to keep her death a secret or to expend any effort to track him down, however in your position I think if it could be done easily and without incurring any significant cost,   I would probably try to locate him and let him know that she had died and that you had a small number of personal items should he want them. 

maman

Perhaps just ask one of his local contacts, next time you happen to bump into them, to specifically tell him of his mother's passing. 🤔

Manxman_in_exile

JAMCT said:

...
8. I was asked to keep some of her personal chattles, wedding ring, photographs etc in case, in due course, her son heard of his mother's passing and made contact ( by calling next door or to my home.)
...

Do you mind my asking who asked you to do this?  Was it your friend herself, or the solicitor/executor?

My personal view would be that if it were the solicitor/executor, then he really had no business asking you to do this, thus putting you in a somewhat awkward situation.  They belong to the beneficiaries (you and your spouse and the charities) as your friend specifically excluded her son from the will.

If it was your friend who asked you to do this - I would simply respect her wishes.  I would not seek the son out but if he turned up I would do as your friend asked.

TBagpuss said:

... however in your position I think if it could be done easily and without incurring any significant cost,   I would probably try to locate him and let him know that she had died and that you had a small number of personal items should he want them. 

I think if the friend's clear intention was to have nothing to do with her son and she did not even want him to be notified of her death, the last thing I would do is to try to track him down.

Just my personal view - others may disagree...

Marcon

Manxman_in_exile said:

JAMCT said:

...
8. I was asked to keep some of her personal chattles, wedding ring, photographs etc in case, in due course, her son heard of his mother's passing and made contact ( by calling next door or to my home.)
...

Do you mind my asking who asked you to do this?  Was it your friend herself, or the solicitor/executor?

My personal view would be that if it were the solicitor/executor, then he really had no business asking you to do this, thus putting you in a somewhat awkward situation.  They belong to the beneficiaries (you and your spouse and the charities) as your friend specifically excluded her son from the will.

I wouldn't worry too much about the charities, even assuming they were left a share of the estate as opposed to specific sums of money. It doesn't sound as if the chattels in question are of significant value - but I agree that if the solicitor asked you to do this, it really wasn't his place to do so, given the terms of his client's will.

I really think the 'do nothing' approach seems to fit with the wishes of your late friend. If she was the one who asked you to keep various personal items, I'd go with the  'do nothing unless the son contacts you' approach.

JAMCT

I  asked the executor if I could retain a substantial number of photographs recording family life from baby to the son's thirties at which time he became estranged. Photos of my friends life thereafter completed her life's history. A number of personal letters from her son together with memorabilia/small items of jewelry were  boxed up by my friend so, all in all,  the executor had no objection to my retaining them for the son just in case he turned up as they had no value to anyone else. 

It is only now, near to the 4th anniversary of her death, that I happen to have a spring clean of storage cupboards, found these chattles, and as a result, started this thread.

In general most posters have said let sleeping dogs lie so  that's what I will do.

Manxman_in_exile

I think that is probably for the best.  If he turns up you have something to offer him, if he wants them.  (If he does want them that's great - if he doesn't, well, don't get upset about it... )

pollypenny

My problem would be the storage of said chattels.  OH hoards enough of his own stuff.