A new chapter, An empty nest, Drama school & Last year of Uni

badmemory

Of course.  There are threads on here about things like this which is where most of my info comes from (more later).  But I know from personal experience that when my mother was in hospital & also suffering from dementia they were being awkward & wouldn't tell us what was going on as they said she had a social worker.  I went in next day waiving the POA.  If you are not careful & do have funds then a social worker can commit those funds to basically whatever they like.  The POA (preferably both) stops that.

As for more later - There was a thread where someones parent had a POA which said their GP should give the POA any info & when the person went into hospital, the hospital doctors refused to tell the POA anything because they weren't included.  There were other examples too.

The thing is that if you trust your POA then the restrictions are not needed & if you don't trust them they should not be your POA.  That is why they really need to be done before any dementia kicks in, because that dementia may, only may, lead to some paranoia.

I have had both POAs for some years now.  They are in a safe place & will not be used until necessary although the attorney does know about them obviously.  Just making one does not allow someone to use them unless necessary & they do not need the paperwork until necessary.  We should all have them (Martin does) as you never know when something bad can happen.  Like the only breadwinner being the only one with bank access, gets very sick, family loses home because no-one can access his accounts.  Sounds a bit scary - yes it is.

Spendless

Thanks for the explanation. No one having done POA for health, I wasn't aware of any restrictions that could be put in. Despite Mum not having one for my (late)  Nan, restricting information  wasn't something encountered, I don't think though now you have me wondering. I've never said it on here but 3 months before she died, my Nan was badly beaten at her care home in the middle of the night by another resident. We were told that Nan had wandered into the other ladies bedroom, who herself had dementia. The 2(!)  staff who were on were allegedly dealing with another incident upstairs (the care home is a former large private home) and only discovered the situation later, Nan was the only one with injuries, badly bruised but nothing broken and taken to hospital where she stayed for a few weeks. I couldn't talk about it on here because it was the subject of a police enquiry. A Nurse on the ward Nan was admitted to told Mum to contact the CQC which she did. Nan only returned  to the care home when more security measures were put in place such as CCTV on the corridors and an alarm on Nans door. This was due to CQCs involvement. Nan had an en-suite room so no reason for her to be out of her room during the night. Mum wondered if she should look for somewhere else, but Nan was then almost 99 had advanced dementia and had called the place home for the past 8 years. Nothing became of the police enquiry because the other party also had dementia. At the point Nan died, most bruises had healed  except one small one. I know my Mum struggles with the 'what ifs'.

As to my other Nan, she has been taken off of a couple of her meds, thought to be causing low blood pressure and in turn making her dizzy and prone to falls. The finance POA was explained to her and she just asked that it wasn't something my Dad could use to put her in a care home. Explained it wasn't  and she was happy with that.

Someone not knowing the bank access details, is exactly why DH went overseas recently to help his relative sort it out. He went at exactly the right time as the terminally ill spouse sadly died a week ago. 

Yesterday's de-cluttering  was 'the upstairs'. A lot easier job now we've gone through so many categories already. We then realised that DD's 'girly' bedding is with her in student digs and what is here originally belonged to DS when he had her bedroom and bed and looked ill-matched. Even with the balance of the student rent to find, we still felt comfortable that we could manage to spend a little to spruce the room up. We bought a new duvet cover plus a rug that was reduced to £16 in TK Maxx. We looked at curtains but realised the drop we need isn't standard sizing so will need altering. My Mum is going to look with me later today. I just have some personal items still to put away in my room.  Ages ago when I felt anything for the house had to be 'on hold' because it wasn't manageable on top of both paying off debt and paying student rent, someone on here suggested just getting little bits to count as a 'small win'. Yesterday for the first time, I felt we achieved that. DH has requested next weekend's area as paperwork - "even if it's just one folders worth". Suggested some other areas as an easier alternative such as 'hallway' or 'drinking vessels' but he insists he wishes to start paperwork. 

badmemory

Paperwork is a good idea.  Last time I did mine I ended up with a wheellie bin full including the shredded stuff.  It is amazing how quickly it builds up.

satchmo1

It's very satisfying to tear up un-needed paperwork, and that can be put into the recycling, whereas machine-shredded paper isn't acceptable to most local authorities.

I'm not recommending this, but our local (cottage) hospital just assumed I had medical POA for my late mum. I didn't suggest that I had it.... But there was a very sensible attitude of not carrying out ultra-invasive investigations for a 90+ year old who couldn't cooperate or consent.

Spendless

Filling a wheelie bin with paperwork is exactly what's making me nervous about starting this category -lol. I suspect a large amount is going to be historic but confidential.

We had to cancel the dog play park yesterday due to the wet weather. No charge fortunately. We will re-arrange for another time. Later we had DS, DiL and my parents round for an Indian takeaway to celebrate DS birthday and Mother's Day   which were both last week. It had also been the dog's birthday last week which is why we'd booked the dog play park. The restaurant we ordered from does a special offer of a set menu of 2 x poppadums', 2 x any start, 2 x any main meal 1 x veg side dish & 2 sundries (eg rice/naan) for £30. We ordered 2 lots catering for everyone's tastes from liking mild (Mum & DiL ). Medium (me and Dad) and hot (DH and DS). Added one more main and Naan . The bill came to £75.20 for the 6 of us, approx £12.53 each.  There's no way we could have eaten a restaurant quality meal out on a Sunday that was also Mother's day for that price.  This is something I will bear in mind for the future. It's still someone else cooking the meal, it's still everyone being together, the only downside is you're left with the washing up, but my parents did that. I'd laid the table whilst the meal was being collected, As I opened all the containers to place on the table, I'd left my chair a little pulled out from the table, I heard laughter, looked round and saw the dog had jumped onto my chair and was sat upright with my empty plate in front of him whilst the food  was being placed around. . He must have thought he was about to achieve a life goal of eating at the dinner table helping himself. Sadly for him he was disappointed as he was told to get down but I got a photo first of the time  the dog believed he was moments away from his dream. 

Nan was discharged from hospital on Wednesday mid afternoon with a care package that was set up later that day, for carers to come in twice a day. They came Thursday morning and by Thursday  tea-time (their 2nd call) told Nan that they probably wouldn't be calling for much longer as she seemed to be doing fine. They then called Friday morning and that was their last visit. Mum is blaming Nan for getting up before the carers came on Thursday and being dressed and making herself toast giving the impression that she's more capable than she is. I'm shocked that the package has been taken away basically on one days observation, I could understand if that conclusion had been met over a 7-10 day period.  Bear with me cos I'm unfamiliar of the correct terminology here but
another 'organisation'   came yesterday to fit a sort of  alarm to Nan's wrist for if she falls and told her that if another fall landed her in hospital she'd be put into a care home. (my parents were visiting at the time, so I know this is correct) Nan wasn't happy, I can see her point, told she's too well for carers by one place and then that she'll be in a home by someone else. I know my Mum is very stressed by it (fetching back memories of my other Nan who only died last year). I took her with me to look at curtains we're replacing in one of the bedrooms because I have an unusual drop - 54" too short, 72" too long. So need to buy 72" and have them shortened.
 I also didn't want to spend much £30 being my budget. Mum kept picking up the wrong sized curtains and suggesting them or ones way too expensive. I'd  no sooner said 'No, that's the wrong size/price I'm looking for x' she'd say ok and straight away pick up something else that was wrong. Eventually we ended up at B&M where a plain dark pair of eyelet curtains were £20, so I bought them.

Today's tasks are to put the items away that are in my bedroom and apply for all the jobs I'm interested in that have been sent over as suggestions to me. 

badmemory

Satchmo made me check my bin instructions & it does defiinitely mention the acceptability of shredded paper thankfully.  I too am going to have to shop for curtains & have so far only let my fingers do the walking to see what was around now.  I was not impressed.  They all seemed to be cream, green tinted cream, yellow tinted cream.  I will try B & M thanks.

badmemory

Satchmo made me check my bin instructions & it does defiinitely mention the acceptability of shredded paper thankfully.  I too am going to have to shop for curtains & have so far only let my fingers do the walking to see what was around now.  I was not impressed.  They all seemed to be cream, green tinted cream, yellow tinted cream.  I will try B & M thanks.

Spendless

Ha, the FA has succeeded where I couldn't! In the post today was a letter from the pension provider that hadn't changed my name over despite me asking 3 times! I signed authority to act letters to the FA and this particular provider in querying if that is correct has also acknowledged that I'd requested a name change and updated. Also had a letter from the pensioner provider at my most recent job about it. I know a 3rd company the FA is familiar with, just see what the answers from the remaining 2 places have said when we have our appt on Friday. 

We had a box of 'school supplies' left over from the other weekends de-cluttering. When DS and DiL saw it they went through it and have taken most things. DS says it's a constant cry at work 'have you got a ...?' so he's taking everything putting it in his spare desk drawer and saying yes, look in here. That left 6 items, 1 I've decided to re-purpose, 2 I've recycled and the remaining I've put with the car boot stuff.

Spendless

Yesterday DH employer sent him a cheque as reimbursement for his flight to the US later this year. I decided to pay it in with the intention of moving it into a savings account to make some interest before the CC bill is due. Only unknown to me the bank is closed for refurbishment! Would have been a wasted trip apart from DS who has taken some AL this week messaged me to ask if I was able to give him & DIL a lift into town, so had agreed to do that anyway. DS then noticed my car was making a strange sound when turning a certain way. I ran into a pothole recently when it was dusk. I don't know if that has caused damage. Unfortunately the garage owner who knows my car inside out is away until the end of the month.   This potentially has a knock on effect of me job hunting, which isn't all that easy either. The job market seems to have changed from previously, even from when I was looking last summer. Places aren't coming back to me, even those they say they will after I've spoken to them. They are requiring more detail and when given it I'm being rejected on 'not enough relative experience' I really wasn't anticipating this and am going to have to think through what else I can do.

With the bank closed, I had to pay the cheque in at the post office instead but then it's not as automatic seeing it appear in the bank account, so waiting for it to show.


Decided to make today a NSD and not use the car  so I at least feel in a little bit more control, but had ran out of bread. Sorted this by walking to my Mums to return her coat that she had left here yesterday and having my breakfast toast there -lol

.

 

KxMx

Does your bank offer digital cheque imaging through their app? Saves a trip to the bank if so.