pure cremation type funerals

squizz11

we used one of these companies for my MIL last year and had a memorial this year.

my husband died suddenly last week and I haven't started arranging the funeral yet as a post mortem hasn't been done yet.

I'm torn with it TBH.   funerals are so expensive but i feel people are expecting one,   but I'm now a widow at 51 with 2 adult children still at home plus a 14 year old, 2 of them autistic and I have a no fault eviction looming.

the thought of a funeral fills me with dread and anxiety and I feel something more relaxed would be better for us. 

sorry for rambling I really am at a loss

Flugelhorn

I am so sorry to hear about your husband's death - it is incredibly hard making decisions etc at this time.

I can totally understand the stress and anxiety over being at a funeral - I felt the same about a relative, I arranged direct cremation and we had a far more relaxed and easier to manage memorial service at a later stage. 

best to do what you feel most comfortable with and not what other people think is needed

bargainbetty

I am so sorry for your loss. 

This was your husband. Your children's father. Make the decision that is the best for you and yours at this time, and if that is a private cremation with a memorial later, then that is the best plan. 

If other people have expectations, that is their damn problem, not yours. 

Mands

squizz11 said:

funerals are so expensive but i feel people are expecting one,   but I'm now a widow at 51 with 2 adult children still at home plus a 14 year old, 2 of them autistic and I have a no fault eviction looming.

the thought of a funeral fills me with dread and anxiety and I feel something more relaxed would be better for us. 

sorry for rambling I really am at a loss

No, squizz11, I don't think they are expecting that.

My guess is they are horrified, shocked at your husband's death and amazed that you are still putting one foot in front of another.  And that they would do anything they could to help if only they knew what *would* help.  That is just basic common courtesy and humanity.  

Why not have a simple cremation now and then plan for a memorial in 3/6/12 months time when you are able?  It could be afternoon tea in a friend's garden where people step up to recount memories or it could be a full blown church event with a catered party afterwards, or anything in between.  You decide what feels right for you and the children and what is appropriate for your budget, energy levels and other priorities.

And I am very sorry for your loss.  I was widowed at 49 and knew it was coming and it was still incredibly hard.  I have no idea how tough it must be for it to happen out of the blue.

I wish you the very best with everything,
Mands

gwynlas

Sorry for your loss. If your husband chose a direct cremation for his mother then it is probably what he would wish for himself.
Why not celebrate his life at some suitable date in the future?  As with weddinngs funerals can cost as much or as as little as you choose to spend. You could ask for donations to a local charity or some service you are connected to in lieu of flowers. I'm sure that your extended family and friends would support you in this. If you are not religeous you could have a simple time at home when you gather to remember him maybe a couple of hours on a Saturday or Sunday.

pollypenny

Sorry for your loss, squizz.   I agree with gwynlas, as your husband showed that he was happy with the simple cremation. 

Hold a memorial when and where you feel you can best cope. 

nellykim

So sorry for your loss Squizz

I intend having a private cremation when I die. Also my husband too.

I would say to anyone, that just do what you feel like doing, and never mind what would maybe expected in the 'usual' or 'normal' expectations of friends, or relatives.  So many people nowadays are going for this option.

And also, regarding any future memorials or get togethers, that also is entirely up to you. Maybe some would just want to remember their loved one in their own way, quietly, in their memories, every day. And perhaps have no need of anything other than that ?

squizz11

thank you for all your kind words,   we have decided to go for just a cremation  with me and the children present,   we will play his favourite music and I feel my two youngest will be more comfortable with that and also I believe my husband would have wanted this for us and him.  

we will have a memorial service for him later on for family and friends.

thank you again