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Getting my belongings back from abusive ex

needadviceurgent
Posts: 1 Newbie
Hi everyone, I’m really need help as to what I can do. Have been married for less than a year, left after abuse and going through a difficult divorce (as he is not cooperating).
There are a lot of my belongings at my ex’s home (his parents house) and he’s has not returned these. He previously blackmailed me - money in exchange for the items. But we were advised to stay quiet and focus on the divorce first... we have no contact with him or his family mainly because of abuse and harassment.
How can I get my belongings back? He’s refused to cooperate before, and we don’t have anyone to go and collect the items (as they live far). As a family, we have been advised not to go there so not sure how I can get my belongings back? These are all mainly of sentimental value.
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Comments
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If these possessions are really important to you, then I would recommend paying to get them back. The problem is that someone that is abusive is likley to be manipulative, and may agree to you having them back for a price, but then not bring them out to you. If you can't agree anything via his family, you have few other options.
You might try to make their return part of your financial settlement and/or divorce, but I doubt you have much bargaining power. You can hire a van to go to collect them, but there is a finacial risk to doing so if he won't bring them out to you.
You might also get creative and see if you can offer his parents money for them. They might have less incentive to manipulate you, especially if you are giving them the money.
Do you know where exactly where he is keeping the items, and do you have a list of what it is that you are trying to recover?
The best option though might be to forget about these possession. He only has power over you while you care about what he does. If you can stop caring, he can not hurt you any more. Can you do this?The comments I post are my personal opinion. While I try to check everything is correct before posting, I can and do make mistakes, so always try to check official information sources before relying on my posts.2 -
tacpot12 said:
The best option though might be to forget about these possession. He only has power over you while you care about what he does. If you can stop caring, he can not hurt you any more. Can you do this?»The road to DF is long and bumpy » Greensaints1 -
Yeah, quite easy. Just list them in the divorce consent order. Your solicitor will write it up for you.
I suspect he will dispose/deny of having them. Write them off as gone, it's just 'stuff'...stuff that holds you back...1 -
Does he still have them?
Have you contacted your local police station to ask if it would be possible to have someone to accompany you to collect your items?
I would write to your ex giving a date when you will be coming to collect them (with a PCSO or someone with you?!? Or pay a bouncer type person?!?!?!) or say if this is not convenient then they need to respond with an alternative time and date.
Or just accept these items are gone and move on with your life. Things may be sentimental but at the end of the day it is just stuff. People and lives are more important.
Should've = Should HAVE (not 'of')
Would've = Would HAVE (not 'of')
No, I am not perfect, but yes I do judge people on their use of basic English language. If you didn't know the above, then learn it! (If English is your second language, then you are forgiven!)1 -
Have you got a few friends who could accompany you to retrieve them? You can also hire a security/bouncer type person for assistance but try to see if the police will attend with you first and inform them of the blackmail with text message/email evidence if you have any. Let his parents and him know when you and the police/friends will be turning up to retrieve your belongings.
make a list so you don’t forget anything.
you can’t file for a divorce until you’ve been married for one year.
Happy moneysaving all.0
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