Getting my belongings back from abusive ex

needadviceurgent

Hi everyone, I’m really need help as to what I can do. Have been married for less than a year, left after abuse and going through a difficult divorce (as he is not cooperating). 

There are a lot of my belongings at my ex’s home (his parents house) and he’s has not returned these. He previously blackmailed me - money in exchange for the items. But we were advised to stay quiet and focus on the divorce first... we have no contact with him or his family mainly because of abuse and harassment. 

How can I get my belongings back? He’s refused to cooperate before, and we don’t have anyone to go and collect the items (as they live far). As a family, we have been advised not to go there so not sure how I can get my belongings back? These are all mainly of sentimental value. 

tacpot12

If these possessions are really important to you, then I would recommend paying to get them back. The problem is that someone that is abusive is likley to be manipulative, and may agree to you having them back for a price, but then not bring them out to you. If you can't agree anything via his family, you have few other options. 

You might try to make their return part of your financial settlement and/or divorce, but I doubt you have much  bargaining power.  You can hire a van to go to collect them, but there is a finacial risk to doing so if he won't bring them out to you.

You might also get creative and see if you can offer his parents money for them. They might have less incentive to manipulate you, especially if you are giving them the money. 

Do you know where exactly where he is keeping the items, and do you have a list of what it is that you are trying to recover? 

The best option though might be to forget about these possession. He only has power over you while you care about what he does. If you can stop caring, he can not hurt you any more. Can you do this? 

BellaLasagna2018

tacpot12 said:

The best option though might be to forget about these possession. He only has power over you while you care about what he does. If you can stop caring, he can not hurt you any more. Can you do this? 

I agree with this. It is another way for you ex to abuse and control you. They may be items of sentimental value, but they are just things. Things that give him power over you. 

Alias_Omega

Yeah, quite easy.  Just list them in the divorce consent order. Your solicitor will write it up for you. 

I suspect he will dispose/deny of having them. Write them off as gone, it's just 'stuff'...stuff that holds you back...

pinkshoes

Does he still have them?

Have you contacted your local police station to ask if it would be possible to have someone to accompany you to collect your items?

I would write to your ex giving a date when you will be coming to collect them (with a PCSO or someone with you?!? Or pay a bouncer type person?!?!?!) or say if this is not convenient then they need to respond with an alternative time and date.

Or just accept these items are gone and move on with your life. Things may be sentimental but at the end of the day it is just stuff. People and lives are more important.

sassyblue

Have you got a few friends who could accompany you to retrieve them? You can also hire a security/bouncer type person for assistance but try to see if the police will attend with you first and inform them of the blackmail with text message/email evidence if you have any.  Let his parents and him know when you and the police/friends will be turning up to retrieve your belongings.

make a list so you don’t forget anything.

you can’t file for a divorce until you’ve been married for one year.

Jim80

sassyblue said:

Have you got a few friends who could accompany you to retrieve them? 

What would be the point, if you are not let into the house where the items are, surely this would be classed as trespass and the rozzers might get involved....