House renovation being carried out without a co-owners consent/knowledge

wilfred30

@freedo25
You and your partner seem to be obsessing about the wrong thing.  The renovation has already happened so clearly her 'permission' wasn't necessary.  Unless, you suspect that he forged your partner's signature on a remortgage/loan application to pay for it which, of course, would be fraud.

Otherwise, I don't know what you think you can do about it so not sure why you are wasting your time on that issue rather than putting your energies into trying to resolve the far more important issue of how your partner can get her share of the house equity plus the maintenance for the children.

Numerous posters have suggested that her best course of action would be to force a sale but if you're not prepared to do that, then the current situation will simply continue ad infinitum. 

freedo25

wilfred30 said:

@freedo25
You and your partner seem to be obsessing about the wrong thing.  The renovation has already happened so clearly her 'permission' wasn't necessary.  Unless, you suspect that he forged your partner's signature on a remortgage/loan application to pay for it which, of course, would be fraud.

Otherwise, I don't know what you think you can do about it so not sure why you are wasting your time on that issue rather than putting your energies into trying to resolve the far more important issue of how your partner can get her share of the house equity plus the maintenance for the children.

Numerous posters have suggested that her best course of action would be to force a sale but if you're not prepared to do that, then the current situation will simply continue ad infinitum. 

Nobody is disputing that attempting to force a sale and/or litigation is the only way through this. 

I'm not sure if many here are aware of abuse by Coercive /Financial control and how it just multiplies the confusion when it comes to trying to resolve matters. It's a MASSIVE mess because he's orchestrated it to be that way. He has  run her (and in turn, myself) into a financial quagmire with his actions and fraud over the last 10 years. The flipside is we certainly don't have 20k plus to even think about attempting to fight it. These people are allowed to get away with this due to insufficient safeguards in financial and criminal circles ...so the abuse continues. It's cyclical, it goes round and round nobody can do anything about it. 

With respect, I appreciate a lot of the advice given on this thread - it's helpful, to the point and makes a lot of sense. But when you throw the fact that he's a domestic abuser, fraudster and egotistical narcissist into the equation, sadly normal rules no longer apply. 

eddddy

freedo25 said:
Nobody is disputing that attempting to force a sale and/or litigation is the only way through this. 

I'm not sure if many here are aware of abuse by Coercive /Financial control and....
<snip>

It seems a bit like you're really here to vent your anger and frustration at your partner's situation - rather than deal with a property problem.

As this is a property board, I'm not sure you'll get much of the supportive, compassionate feedback that you might be looking for. (You might find boards like the 'Marriage, Relationships & Family' more appropriate.)

The type of responses you get on this Property Board might even make you more angry and frustrated.

If you decide to start going down a legal route with this - employing solicitors etc - you'll need to put the venting, frustration and anger to one side, and concentrate on solving the problem.


FWIW, I helped somebody who had a valid and legitimate property dispute. She had already paid a solicitor for a 2 hour consultation. But she just spent the 2 hours venting her anger and frustration. As a result, the solicitor couldn't offer her any advice at all at the end of the 2 hours.

SameOldRoundabout

Unfortunately normal rules DO still apply. The law is the law, you need to find the money to end the situation or it will simply continue forever at the expense of your partners credit. 

You need no contact with him. None. It can all go via a solicitor and court who will be able to see through the front he presents and simply deal with the facts of the case. 

The fact he is an abuser (and I have no doubts that he is not a nice person here, I know the type, have dealt with the type and feel very sorry for your partner and step children) makes NO DIFFERENCE to this situation. Sadly. It still needs to go the same route as any other time one party refuses to sell, it’s really the only option available. 

You can either just let it slide and stop thinking about it, acknowledging you’ll never get her money back, or you can work on a plan to stand up and fight. 

MrsBrush

I have every sympathy, having at one point being married to exactly the same sort of unsavoury, shady, coercive and controlling abuser. My divorce and subsequent painful and expensive financial "settlement" took 2 years of very difficult soul searching and cost me in the region of £100k, including a £20k legal bill.  This all pre-dates the coercive control legislation, and as I had the police investigate, and they arrested my ex for fraud only for the judge to throw the case out because at that point (2008) it was deemed "domestic" and therefore a civil matter. My absolutely brilliant divorce solicitor managed to manoeuvre a settlement to get him gone permanently, having managed to trap him into owning up to lying in front of the judge (which was golden serendipity!). She also told me to keep every single scrap of evidence I had because people like this will not change and she has guaranteed that at some point it may be needed to back up another case in the future, when he does something like this again. I am not saying all this for the "poor me" factor, but just wish to extend my thoughts to the OP and partner, as this is a manipulative and no doubt very credible sounding ex that they are dealing with. As things stand, the ex retains all of the power and is still calling the shots and the poor OP and partner are still dancing to that tune, albeit unwittingly, as he has everything beautifully set up in his favour at the OP's expense.

Somehow OP, you will need to take your power back - to do this I would actually recommend a good counsellor / solutions focused coach to help formulate a strategy before you go anywhere near a solicitor. This is to get the emotions dealt with and a coping strategy set up so that you can concentrate on the hard facts when you do engage the legal professions, as others have suggested.

The only 2 options as I see it are:

1) take the matter to the police as this is a clear extension of 10+ years of domestic and financial abuse, and to make sure they take it seriously, present them with a well thought out set of information to back it up. Uncover every single scrap of evidence and paperwork, including bank statements, emails, everything you possibly can pull together, particularly where it relates to fraud or violence and also anything that shows the undercurrents of coercive control. If there are divorce papers these can actually show the 'games' that these sort of monsters use to try to retain the upper hand. Then go to see a specialist domestic abuse solicitor to get the best possible advice for this situation.

2) let it go, sign the place over and walk away - the cost clearly financial but at least there is no longer any means of the ex continuing to have control

Both these options have financial and emotional costs and consequences, just be aware of this. So, get the emotional support lined up first, you will need that to have any chance of fighting back.  

AdrianC

MrsBrush said:

2) let it go, sign the place over and walk away - the cost clearly financial but at least there is no longer any means of the ex continuing to have control

Unfortunately, "sign it over" is not an option.

There is a mortgage in joint names. The ex cannot re-mortgage in their own name, due to their own financial position.

Forcing a sale is the only way to achieve closure here.

Section62

freedo25 said:

These people are allowed to get away with this due to insufficient safeguards in financial and criminal circles ...so the abuse continues. It's cyclical, it goes round and round nobody can do anything about it. 

...

With respect, I appreciate a lot of the advice given on this thread - it's helpful, to the point and makes a lot of sense. But when you throw the fact that he's a domestic abuser, fraudster and egotistical narcissist into the equation, sadly normal rules no longer apply. 

What safeguards are missing?

And +1 to the other comments that normal rules do apply.

When it comes to money even the nicest sweetest people can behave like whatsits - splitting up shared property is never easy if the parties don't agree on fair shares.  Nobody needs to be an 'abuser, fraudster and egotistical narcissist' to dig their heels in and demand what they regard as a fair share (even when dealing with siblings). Although often it is cloaked with 'I don't want the money for myself its for the children' etc.

The only significant difference involved are the type and strength of emotions.

And the reason family/property disputes end up in the court system is because the courts make decisions with the emotions removed.