Landlord of our short term rental selling to our neighbours who are now stressing me out

warby68

Some people are just more open and unwittingly intrusive. She probably sees you as kindred spirits, both buying their 'dream' properties and expects you to be as excited and willing to discuss the details as she is, especially as you live in her dream. She is also testing out her dream by coming to play in 'their' future garden.

She will probably settle down.

I understand you don't want to spoil the toddler's fun but you could be a little less available and when they do come, immediately retreat to 'work from home' and ask her to ring when she's ready to leave the garden. Work confidentiality is a good reason to keep her out of the flat itself.

Jeepers_Creepers

climbthatwallseegar said:

saajan_12 said:

Is there a way they can access the garden without going through your flat? Even if you have to go a long way around, I'd let them in to the garden, then go back in the flat and ignore. Less opportunity for questions and zero nosing about the interior. 

The next question she does ask, don't answer however vague you're being - it seems to just encourage her to keep probing. Instead, say a polite but firm "Sorry but its stressful enough, I'll let you know if / when we're ready to move, but until then please can we avoid discussing". 

There is no other access to the garden. It still has a slide and other bits the previous tenants installed and they used to let the toddler play in it. It seems cruel to refuse. It’s a big garden and when the woman’s DH brings the child it is fine as he doesn’t bombard us with questions etc. The toddler plays with my older DC who like making a fuss of her and she is no bother. We are surrounded by parks though and no idea why they don’t take her to one tbh. 

Cool.

If this was an on-going situation - ie you were planning to stay there long term - then you'd likely need to address the expectancy of these misguided folk to use your garden seemingly as they see fit - or as their child demands. Let's be blunt - they are not teaching their child basic manners, are they... But, since there is almost certainly an end to it, then it's good that you can remain so accommodating - that's surely the best thing for now.

What to do? Yes, as you say, just be honest! Try and turn it back on them a bit - get them having to nod an acknowledgment of reality; "You do know there is nothing I can do to speed this up, don't you?". "You know I'll keep you fully informed once I know something myself - don't you?" Big smile - through gritted teeth if needed - and looking straight in her eyes with just enough emphasis to show you expect an answer, an acknowledgment, at least a nod from her.

And, the ultimate truth, "You are so lucky, you know, having this place lined up and not being in a chain. We are also excited about our new place, but being in a chain that could break down at any time through no-one's fault is soooo stressful. I know you are really excited about this place - it is a lovely flat, and I know you'll be happy here - but, to be honest, your excitement is adding to our stress as I know two lots of people would be very disappointed if anything goes wrong...".

I fear this lady is a bit too self-absorbed to respond in an empathetic manner, tho', and really only considers herself - her lack of basic guidance for her child is another symptom ('denial'...). So, if this does not elicit an understanding, sympathetic and apologetic, even, response, then perhaps a quiet word to her hubby would be in order too. Phrase it as tho' you are mainly concerned for her, that she could be setting herself up for a devastating disappointment, but also that you are feeling additional stress with this burden.

Don't feel bad about this - this lady is out of order here. Can you imagine yourself behaving like this?! Utterly alien to you!

TripleH

But are they not in a chain of sorts? I know legally and in the true sense they aren't. BUT the flat they want to buy is occupied by the Op whose landlord whilst wanting to sell seems happy to let them remain there until they have bought their house?

If it isn't a chain the neighbours should leave the Op alone and take matters up with the Ops landlord as it is her they are dealing with. On reflection the landlord is wanting and getting the best of both worlds by passing the negative aspect of the property chain onto a legally unconnected party.

climbthatwallseegar

Jeepers_Creepers said:

climbthatwallseegar said:

saajan_12 said:

Is there a way they can access the garden without going through your flat? Even if you have to go a long way around, I'd let them in to the garden, then go back in the flat and ignore. Less opportunity for questions and zero nosing about the interior. 

The next question she does ask, don't answer however vague you're being - it seems to just encourage her to keep probing. Instead, say a polite but firm "Sorry but its stressful enough, I'll let you know if / when we're ready to move, but until then please can we avoid discussing". 

There is no other access to the garden. It still has a slide and other bits the previous tenants installed and they used to let the toddler play in it. It seems cruel to refuse. It’s a big garden and when the woman’s DH brings the child it is fine as he doesn’t bombard us with questions etc. The toddler plays with my older DC who like making a fuss of her and she is no bother. We are surrounded by parks though and no idea why they don’t take her to one tbh. 

Cool.

If this was an on-going situation - ie you were planning to stay there long term - then you'd likely need to address the expectancy of these misguided folk to use your garden seemingly as they see fit - or as their child demands. Let's be blunt - they are not teaching their child basic manners, are they... But, since there is almost certainly an end to it, then it's good that you can remain so accommodating - that's surely the best thing for now.

What to do? Yes, as you say, just be honest! Try and turn it back on them a bit - get them having to nod an acknowledgment of reality; "You do know there is nothing I can do to speed this up, don't you?". "You know I'll keep you fully informed once I know something myself - don't you?" Big smile - through gritted teeth if needed - and looking straight in her eyes with just enough emphasis to show you expect an answer, an acknowledgment, at least a nod from her.

And, the ultimate truth, "You are so lucky, you know, having this place lined up and not being in a chain. We are also excited about our new place, but being in a chain that could break down at any time through no-one's fault is soooo stressful. I know you are really excited about this place - it is a lovely flat, and I know you'll be happy here - but, to be honest, your excitement is adding to our stress as I know two lots of people would be very disappointed if anything goes wrong...".

I fear this lady is a bit too self-absorbed to respond in an empathetic manner, tho', and really only considers herself - her lack of basic guidance for her child is another symptom ('denial'...). So, if this does not elicit an understanding, sympathetic and apologetic, even, response, then perhaps a quiet word to her hubby would be in order too. Phrase it as tho' you are mainly concerned for her, that she could be setting herself up for a devastating disappointment, but also that you are feeling additional stress with this burden.

Don't feel bad about this - this lady is out of order here. Can you imagine yourself behaving like this?! Utterly alien to you!

Thank you, very helpful. Btw if you don’t already do so you should consider a career in mediation:))

I think part of the issue is they both appear a bit clueless about the house buying & selling process in this country (they are are not U.K. citizens). For instance she seemed to think that legally a property must be vacant before it can even be put up for sale. She initially looked confused when I mentioned an incomplete chain so that had to be broken down for her. During her play date visits I’ve had to explain to her what a valuation is and why the Landlady is getting the property valued, how to instruct a solicitor and other basics. This flat is likely to be very expensive, we are in London and close to the centre, and I don’t know if they even realise that and if they can realistically get the mortgage they need.

She is always very grateful for the advice but I now think I unknowingly made a rod for my own back! 

They do contact the LL. She said they message her so frequently she has now muted them on WhatsApp:))

TripleH

Ah, thank you, that puts it all into context.

Do you know where they're from as it might help explain what they think happens vs what the reality is. (I assume you are not based in Scotland?)

It might then be worth sitting down and explaining how things work here, it might help them adjust their expectations.

thegreenone

Oh, so they don't know how much it will go up for yet, just that they want it?  

Zone 1/2 of London with a garden.  Ouch.  

Indigo_and_Violet

Oh you have my sympathies! It sounds like you're trying to do your best in a difficult situation. 

Given that you're tried the being vague, I agree it's time to be more direct. Next time she asks explain that you know she's keen for a progress update but there is no news and that talking about it is stressing you out so please could you move to a different topic of conversation. If she brings the conversation back to it stay firm and polite - there is no news and you'd prefer not to discuss it further.

If she persists in bringing it up I'd go a stage further and say that all enquiries about the sale of the flat need to go to the landlady and that, while you don't want to stop her daughter playing in your garden, if she can't respect a request that you've made to ensure you feel comfortable in your own home then you will need to reconsider the situation. If that doesn't stop her, then move to 'you can bring the kid round, but you need to stay in the garden with her'. If that doesn't work (or at any stage if she tries to ask your children for information) then explain that you're sorry but if she's not willing to respect your rules she is not welcome in your home/garden. 

Stay polite, calm and understanding (you know it's stressful for them, you know they want to know what's happening, you are in exactly the same position) but also firm that it is not something you are willing to talk about. I'd particularly make an effort to stay friendly to the husband who is modelling good behaviour. 

If you get to stage 2 you might want to warn your landlady. The good news is it sounds like she'll understand how persistent they can be. Assuming they've made an actual offer the the flat the landlady can direct enquiries to the agent/solicitor if needed. It might get a bit uncomfortable but you're not there for the long term and it doesn't sound like this is a friendship you want to continue after you've moved on. 

Brie

GrumpyDil said:

deannagone said:

 Refer her to your solicitor if she has any further questions.  That's what they are there for.

Sorry but why would you do that? Your solicitor isn't there to answer random questions from someone who has no involvement in your purchase chain and would certainly be charging you if they do start answering such questions. 

I think referring her to the solicitor is a great idea.  But include the comment "but of course you realise if you asking anything means we are billed for something you will need to reimburse us plus a handling fee."

Slinky

As Jeepers has said, try engaging with the husband to tell his wife to reign it in a bit. You are being more than accommodating in letting them through with the child, you may have to limit it to him and the child if the wife doesn't stop pestering you.

Adsta

Trying to explain to people (including brits) who have not bought a property in the UK is really hard. I think a lot of people assume its just like buying any old item. You just got to get a mortgage, give them money and go. Why does it take so long?! 

There’s not only the wishes of the buyers and sellers, once the chain is complete. There is also how quick (or more than likely slow) solicitors are doing all the paper work. That’s not even including local searches and enquires. 

I had one friend say to me why bother with local searches and a survey just tell them not to do it, its a waste of time and money. To which I explained you more than likely wont get the money from the mortgage if they are not done. To which he doesn’t believe me and that I am the one buying and the customer should be able to the demands.... yah except it isn’t really all my money now is it!! 

Some people really are oblivious to the amount that goes into it.

To OP, it sounds like you neighbours are a bit like what I explained above. They are going to be very sad if they find out they cannot afford it. I'm very surprised they don’t even know how much they are trying to buy it for. Let alone all the other works that goes along with it.

Purchasing can be such a stress anyones. Then add to other people piling in and adding even more is really frustrating.