At what point is it polite to ask how much your inheritance is?

Ems*Honie

I have recently been bequeathed a percentage of a close relatives estate after she passed in May.  I have received a copy of her will and I am in contact with her executor, however the executor seems to believe I have knowledge of my relatives finances, which is something I never discussed with her.  

I know it will take some time for the estate to be settled, it has only just gone to probate, the full estate is being liquidised.  We are in the process of making some large life changes, selling property, clearing debt accrued due to Covids effect on our business and it would be good to have some idea of the rough figures as this could factor in what we do now.

I know this is money saving expert not manners expert, but in a round about way this is potentially a financial planning situation I'm hoping some one could advise when it is normal to find out what you are inheriting and if its the done thing to ask the question.  Executor is a lovely, very practical lady who I have a huge amount of respect for.  The estate is likely to be reasonably substantial but I have no idea beyond that.

[Deleted User]

If she's a lovely, practical lady, you can just ask her now.  It would take a special kind of person to be offended by the question.

However, she may be unwilling to give a figure depending on how far into the process she is and how many other beneficiaries there are. When I acted as executor, I gave a low ballpark figure when asked (around 70% of the figure I believed it would be) to be on the safe side. 

Ems*Honie

Thank you, I suspect she is a little hesitant to give figures exactly as you say, personally until the estate is settled I would also be hesitant as who knows what may transpire in the future.  Part of me feels we will know when we know, the practical side knows that the decisions we make now might differ slightly with the knowledge.  

The lawyer seems to think it will progress through probate in around a month and a half which we all agree seems wildly optimistic (its being probated in another country, adds to the issues as all communication is over the phone rather than a chat over coffee and cake.). Its a couple of months before we need to finalise the changes we are making so I might hang on and see what happens for now.  I would hate to be inconsiderate/rude especially with the hard work that goes into being an executor. 

p00hsticks

I don't see how she could be offended if you word it along the lines of 'I realise it's difficult to give exact figures now, buts it too early to ask for some sort of ballpark figure for my inheritance to help with my planning ?'

Sea_Shell

I agree with Poohsticks.   That phrasing seems perfect and inoffensive.



I'll admit, when I first read the thread title, I thought you meant asking a living person what they have and how much you might get....that would be rude!!!😉

I'd got my popcorn ready and everything! 🍿

Ems*Honie

Thank you P00hsticks, that’s great wording.

Sea she’ll, it was really interesting trying to find a title that didn’t sound completely wrong!  It amazes me how rude people can be, and entitled!  I have done quite a lot of reading online so I can understand the process as it’s all completely out of my experience but also due to the estate being abroad, so many people seem to think they have rights to peoples money before they e even passed.  Quite the eye opener!

Savvy_Sue

If there's a property involved, you can get a rough idea of what that will go for, if that helps? 

Owain_Moneysaver

If the application for probate has been made, then the executor should have a reasonably good idea of the assets and liabilities of the estate (as those figures are required) so subject to the valuations not changing the exec should be able to give you a reasonably accurate but unconfirmed estimate. 

There is always the possibility of claims being made to the estate during the statutory notice period after grant of probate. 

Brie

"can you give me a minimum estimate?"  if she can say "well you'll get at least £2k" and then you're happy to get £5k that's great.   hopefully it will have more zeros but she should be able to give you a low pitch and you can hope for more.

maman

Owain_Moneysaver said:

If the application for probate has been made, then the executor should have a reasonably good idea of the assets and liabilities of the estate (as those figures are required) so subject to the valuations not changing the exec should be able to give you a reasonably accurate but unconfirmed estimate. 

There is always the possibility of claims being made to the estate during the statutory notice period after grant of probate. 

That's absolutely right. I was an executor for my mother and applying for probate was effectively like submitting a balance sheet. Some values had to be estimated, like property prices from Estate Agents, but it gave a good ball park figure long before I had the actual cash to distribute to beneficiaries. 

Ems*Honie

Thank you all, there’s no property involved as my relative was elderly and living in assisted living, there shouldn’t be any real debts either as she paid everything monthly, so tax and fees mainly (I know things can pop up).

I will ask the question but be clear I understand it’s not an absolute at this point.  It will help us decide how to manage the changes we’re making to help us get the best outcome for the future.  I would much rather be telling her all our plans and how we’re getting back on our feet after COVID 😓 she would have been so pleased to hear what we’ve managed so far.  I miss her a great deal.