I've discovered my neighbours huge debts

Savedotmoney

JCS1 said:

If there is a continuous payment authority in place for a debit/credit card, cancelled the card won't stop anything and a company can still take the money  The payment needs to be cancelled with the companies.  

https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/banking/recurring-payments/#avoid

Thanks, breathing space has been requested for the debts so hopefully that gives us time to get the payment plan letters issued.

Sea_Shell

"criticism" as you see it, usually comes from a place of pointing out potential pitfalls, to avoid further problems or mistakes being made.

If you've been reading this forum for a while, you'll have no doubt come across cases where good intentions don't always end well.

Savedotmoney

Sea_Shell said:

"criticism" as you see it, usually comes from a place of pointing out potential pitfalls, to avoid further problems or mistakes being made.

If you've been reading this forum for a while, you'll have no doubt come across cases where good intentions don't always end well.

I get your point but like it has been pointed out about myself, I feel that some points could have been written in a better way.

Good intentions don't always end well, but sometimes they do.

kimwp

Savedotmoney said:

kimwp said:

@Savedotmoney, your posts do not give the impression of asking for advice on whether the financial route you are advising your neighbour to take is the right thing (which is what you state above that you were doing)- may be worth you reading them again. They also do not give the impression of someone who understands the financial solutions to debt particularly well - as pointed out by another poster, you have been previously given information regarding IVAs, yet thought that this was an appropriate route for your neighbour when it wasn't.
If your neighbour is of sound mind, then she should be taking control of her finances herself - you can provide support, but she needs to be physically collecting the information, cancelling the subscriptions etc herself, otherwise how can she ever gain control?

No one is an expert in everything, we all have life experience in different ways so there are things I understand and some things I don't. I have my own experience of being in debt so it's something I can apply to this situation, given the severity of the debt and inability to pay I thought an IVA should be considered. Turns out it is not! Do you think I want to take on someone else's problems and manage their debt? No not particularly, like everyone I have my own life issues I'm trying to deal with.

Being critical because someone is taking immediate intervention so someone can put food on their plate isn't something I would consider an issue here. The criticism on this forum remains a problem and has been ever since I've been a member here, it appears to be a common theme to assume the worst and then criticise a person for something that hasn't happened yet, rather than looking at what is being done. To come here and people be worried for the neighbour due to the strange man looking in to her finances and taking everything away from her is an insult to be honest. I won't be returning to the forum in a hurry.

Right - but some people are experts in dealing with debt - therefore we ask them to advise when dealing with debt, rather than advising from our limited personal experience. I'm not questioning your intentions or effort, but sometimes the best way to help is to not wade in and sort it yourself, but support the person in getting better help and support them in sorting the issue themselves.  Now you have sorted the initial issues that were drowning her, would it be most helpful to encourage her to take charge of the issue?

Savedotmoney

kimwp said:

Savedotmoney said:

kimwp said:

@Savedotmoney, your posts do not give the impression of asking for advice on whether the financial route you are advising your neighbour to take is the right thing (which is what you state above that you were doing)- may be worth you reading them again. They also do not give the impression of someone who understands the financial solutions to debt particularly well - as pointed out by another poster, you have been previously given information regarding IVAs, yet thought that this was an appropriate route for your neighbour when it wasn't.
If your neighbour is of sound mind, then she should be taking control of her finances herself - you can provide support, but she needs to be physically collecting the information, cancelling the subscriptions etc herself, otherwise how can she ever gain control?

No one is an expert in everything, we all have life experience in different ways so there are things I understand and some things I don't. I have my own experience of being in debt so it's something I can apply to this situation, given the severity of the debt and inability to pay I thought an IVA should be considered. Turns out it is not! Do you think I want to take on someone else's problems and manage their debt? No not particularly, like everyone I have my own life issues I'm trying to deal with.

Being critical because someone is taking immediate intervention so someone can put food on their plate isn't something I would consider an issue here. The criticism on this forum remains a problem and has been ever since I've been a member here, it appears to be a common theme to assume the worst and then criticise a person for something that hasn't happened yet, rather than looking at what is being done. To come here and people be worried for the neighbour due to the strange man looking in to her finances and taking everything away from her is an insult to be honest. I won't be returning to the forum in a hurry.

Right - but some people are experts in dealing with debt - therefore we ask them to advise when dealing with debt, rather than advising from our limited personal experience. I'm not questioning your intentions or effort, but sometimes the best way to help is to not wade in and sort it yourself, but support the person in getting better help and support them in sorting the issue themselves.  Now you have sorted the initial issues that were drowning her, would it be most helpful to encourage her to take charge of the issue?

Yep, that's exactly what is happening. 

kimwp

Savedotmoney said:

kimwp said:

Savedotmoney said:

kimwp said:

@Savedotmoney, your posts do not give the impression of asking for advice on whether the financial route you are advising your neighbour to take is the right thing (which is what you state above that you were doing)- may be worth you reading them again. They also do not give the impression of someone who understands the financial solutions to debt particularly well - as pointed out by another poster, you have been previously given information regarding IVAs, yet thought that this was an appropriate route for your neighbour when it wasn't.
If your neighbour is of sound mind, then she should be taking control of her finances herself - you can provide support, but she needs to be physically collecting the information, cancelling the subscriptions etc herself, otherwise how can she ever gain control?

No one is an expert in everything, we all have life experience in different ways so there are things I understand and some things I don't. I have my own experience of being in debt so it's something I can apply to this situation, given the severity of the debt and inability to pay I thought an IVA should be considered. Turns out it is not! Do you think I want to take on someone else's problems and manage their debt? No not particularly, like everyone I have my own life issues I'm trying to deal with.

Being critical because someone is taking immediate intervention so someone can put food on their plate isn't something I would consider an issue here. The criticism on this forum remains a problem and has been ever since I've been a member here, it appears to be a common theme to assume the worst and then criticise a person for something that hasn't happened yet, rather than looking at what is being done. To come here and people be worried for the neighbour due to the strange man looking in to her finances and taking everything away from her is an insult to be honest. I won't be returning to the forum in a hurry.

Right - but some people are experts in dealing with debt - therefore we ask them to advise when dealing with debt, rather than advising from our limited personal experience. I'm not questioning your intentions or effort, but sometimes the best way to help is to not wade in and sort it yourself, but support the person in getting better help and support them in sorting the issue themselves.  Now you have sorted the initial issues that were drowning her, would it be most helpful to encourage her to take charge of the issue?

Yep, that's exactly what is happening. 

It sounds like she has a very good friend in you.

I hope you can see that although it is not nice to feel challenged or doubted, that that "pessimism" is one of the strengths of this forum - considering possible issues or pitfalls allows them to be avoided and questioning motives and actions is from a place of caring about the potentially vulnerable.

Savedotmoney

kimwp said:

Savedotmoney said:

kimwp said:

Savedotmoney said:

kimwp said:

@Savedotmoney, your posts do not give the impression of asking for advice on whether the financial route you are advising your neighbour to take is the right thing (which is what you state above that you were doing)- may be worth you reading them again. They also do not give the impression of someone who understands the financial solutions to debt particularly well - as pointed out by another poster, you have been previously given information regarding IVAs, yet thought that this was an appropriate route for your neighbour when it wasn't.
If your neighbour is of sound mind, then she should be taking control of her finances herself - you can provide support, but she needs to be physically collecting the information, cancelling the subscriptions etc herself, otherwise how can she ever gain control?

No one is an expert in everything, we all have life experience in different ways so there are things I understand and some things I don't. I have my own experience of being in debt so it's something I can apply to this situation, given the severity of the debt and inability to pay I thought an IVA should be considered. Turns out it is not! Do you think I want to take on someone else's problems and manage their debt? No not particularly, like everyone I have my own life issues I'm trying to deal with.

Being critical because someone is taking immediate intervention so someone can put food on their plate isn't something I would consider an issue here. The criticism on this forum remains a problem and has been ever since I've been a member here, it appears to be a common theme to assume the worst and then criticise a person for something that hasn't happened yet, rather than looking at what is being done. To come here and people be worried for the neighbour due to the strange man looking in to her finances and taking everything away from her is an insult to be honest. I won't be returning to the forum in a hurry.

Right - but some people are experts in dealing with debt - therefore we ask them to advise when dealing with debt, rather than advising from our limited personal experience. I'm not questioning your intentions or effort, but sometimes the best way to help is to not wade in and sort it yourself, but support the person in getting better help and support them in sorting the issue themselves.  Now you have sorted the initial issues that were drowning her, would it be most helpful to encourage her to take charge of the issue?

Yep, that's exactly what is happening. 

It sounds like she has a very good friend in you.

I hope you can see that although it is not nice to feel challenged or doubted, that that "pessimism" is one of the strengths of this forum - considering possible issues or pitfalls allows them to be avoided and questioning motives and actions is from a place of caring about the potentially vulnerable.

I only want to allow her to concentrate on spending the rest of her life with her grandchildren rather than being swamped by debt, it's soul destroying when you're constantly consumed by money.

I've just got off of the phone to StepChange and they have set up the debt management plan, started the breathing space period of time and she will be paying them a direct debit each month after her finances have been looked at. So it's looking more positive now than last week, she is certainly happier.

She has the help of StepChange now to rely on and they are in control of making sure things are paid. I have said to her she needs to work with them to keep on top of things, I will be there for moral support and to do technical things like switching services to save money online. As others have said, there are habits she has formed over a lifetime so it will need gentle encouragement to change them.

Sea_Shell

I'm intrigued by your user name...

Who's Dot?

Savedotmoney

Sea_Shell said:

I'm intrigued by your user name...

Who's Dot?

My neighbour or Dot from Eastenders, who knows.

Andyjflet

kimwp said:

I think you should be encouraging her to talk to stepchange or one of the other debt charities rather than making financial decisions for her. You appear to be doing this with the best of intentions, but I think you are on shaky ground given that it is not your profession.

Totally my thoughts, go with her for her first appointment, at least to the door and then let them sort it. Not really your place and with all good intentions you could be landing yourself in a whole world of pain or potential law suits.