Is being terrible with money a medical condition?! Spending pattern help.

MrFrugalFever

In the cold light of day it is your own willpower and self discipline that will drive the change. Settings goals, challenges, tweaks to things etc will of course help but ultimately you’ve got to want to change.

I will share a brief bit of personal experience....I entered in to an IVA in 2017 as I had found myself in a situation whereby I couldn’t see any clear way out. I felt ashamed, embarrassed and didn’t wish to share my mess with anyone. It felt awkward letting people down when they suggested days/meals out, events, holidays etc but I had no choice.

the onset of an IVA was rather harsh to begin with, whilst my debt worries were almost stopped overnight, it created a new worry of how I was possibly going to survive on a small surplus income with no legitimate way of obtaining and additional income to supplement spending.

i tried all different methods of budgeting (before i really knew about this website and forum), with very few that took effect.

i knew, psychologically that each year, my entire 12 months bank statements where going to be examined and come under some form of scrutiny, whereby if a breach of rules was detected I could end up being forced in to bankruptcy. This would have had wider implications for me personally, thus a route I really did wish to avoid at all costs.

over time (after the first year), I had conditioned myself to budget better, change my thought processes and looked at ways to cut back on stuff to give me just a little more disposable income but not enough for the IVA to consume more.

the one thing, amongst many, but the main thing that really helped me was to do no spend days, I built them up gradually and eventually I had conditioned myself to realise that yes, it can be done and I really didn’t need to buy stuff for the sake of it.

i still practice no spend days now, even though I have settled my Iva in full & final, with a view to saving up for the nice things I really want. I have a small(ish) loan to pay for another 16 months then for the first time in over 12 years I will be completely 100% debt free. I am so excited.

Nagme

This was me for years. I have depression and anxiety and would yo-yo between recording every expenditure, and just buying what I liked. I had a cupboard just for shoes. 

Nowadays, I listen to podcasts. I like Cash Chats, and Meaningful Money. I follow MSE on Instagram, plus a few other financial posters. After using a free 34 day trial of YNAB, and the free week of the Emma app (the premium bit) I went with YNAB. I’ve seen the difference in one month. The truth hurts as I now realise we’ve overstretched ourselves (£596 on groceries in one month  doesn’t help either) but I am changing how I deal with money, and because I can’t spend my way out of a low mood, I find other, more productive things to do. I’ve definitely downgraded the shopping, and a month in, we are doing better already. I’m even using the car less as it’s 25mpg 😳

gettingtheresometime

What I've done in the past is to work out how much spare money I have each month and then transfer the remainder into a basic bank account where not allowed an overdraft. That way I could only spend what I had in the bank account.

Credit cards were hidden away.

If I wanted something then either I waited until until the end of the month and only bought it if I had the money in my spends account or if I had saved up for it - as an example, if instead of  having a daily starbucks coffee, every day I didn't have one the money would be transferred to an account that was earmarked for whatever I was saving up for and would only be bought if I had reached the total.

The other method (and I will admit this is very childlike) is to get a grid of 100 squares and each square is allocated 1% of the value of the thing that I want to buy. Every time I save 1% I mark off a square. Again I only buy the item once I've saved for it.

By saving it, a) I'm really seeing if I want it (so it cuts out the impulse buys) b)makes me appreciate it more

enthusiasticsaver

I think to a certain degree it is always going to come down to willpower.  Budgeting and keeping to it is much like dieting and keeping to it.  You can put things in place to make it harder to spend but ultimately your desire to be debt free and financially solvent has to be more than the latest desire to purchase stuff. That is assuming your spending is unnecessary.  

Exploring your need to buy things just for the sake of it might be useful. Do you feel deprived if you do not buy yourself something on every shopping trip?  Is your house clutter free or do you do as I do and get rid of something when I get something new?  That is another useful strategy as unless you have lots to get rid of you not only have to decide what to buy but also what to get rid of.

I would move to online shopping if you are an impulse shopper and make it a policy not to buy something on impulse but put it on a wishlist or something and think about it for a day or two. By that time you may well have decided you do not need it.  Set yourself some No spend days or put the card away rather than keep it in your purse. 

Drawingaline

Budgeting is like dieting. You know what you should do, but you need to willpower to stick to it.

I use ynab. I like being able to see my priorities. If I spend too much on food I need to shift money from another place, if it is my holiday category I am saying, this food is more expensive to me than a holiday. Zero based budgeting is a change in mindset from tracking to making your money work for you. It isn't for everyone and many people cope well budgeting in other ways. However I think having a look at the website at the '4 rules' would be a good starting point. Even if you don't end up using the software those rules may give you an idea of how budgeting can be.

Monzo is quite a good idea with its 'pots' and can be used a little like the software in ynab and many people find it works well for them.

Drawingaline

Budgeting is like dieting. You know what you should do, but you need to willpower to stick to it.

I use ynab. I like being able to see my priorities. If I spend too much on food I need to shift money from another place, if it is my holiday category I am saying, this food is more expensive to me than a holiday. Zero based budgeting is a change in mindset from tracking to making your money work for you. It isn't for everyone and many people cope well budgeting in other ways. However I think having a look at the website at the '4 rules' would be a good starting point. Even if you don't end up using the software those rules may give you an idea of how budgeting can be.

Monzo is quite a good idea with its 'pots' and can be used a little like the software in ynab and many people find it works well for them.

rjbear

Some sort of controls wherever possible should help you. At the banks these days they can put controls on your card potentially.

Alternatively some sort of psychologcal trigger , maybe a note on your phone that asks you a Q may help you decide whether you really want to make that purchase

Shopaholic_no_more

Hi @hereagain22 …..honestly, I truly believe it is a medical condition. Joking apart…my dad was terrible with money….I seem to have his trait…..my sister and my mum? ….they don’t even have credit cards 😳…what??? So I am travelling down the same road as you and I have been for the last 10 years or so…..I am also at the same point as you….struggling…but no more…enough is enough.

I have come to the conclusion it is most definitely down to your relationship with money and how you see it….
I used to think nothing of going in to a particular shop and spending a £100 on clothes (bearing in mind I DID NOT HAVE THE MONEY for it) 🙄….whacked it all on the credit card and thought …I’ll sort that out next month….oh my days…
My sister would go….”you’ve spent how much??” and then I would feel guilty about doing it. So, I can totally relate….it gives you a short adrenaline rush but the guilt lasts for a lot longer….then it turns to sleepless nights etc…etc…

I totally recommend using YNAB…You Need A Budget app….yes you have to pay a small amount yearly for the privilege but it is because I have to pay that I am sticking with it. Check out some of the YT videos…in particular the ones with Hannah in…she explains it so well.

I am going to follow your journey as we need to do this!! A stress free life is what we should be striving for! 🙌

Good Luck!! X

hereagain22

Hi all, thank you so much for your comments, really interesting. Some great ideas.

I was really stressed at the start of the week which prompted this post and a talking to myself! I ended up on Monday going I have 0 left and we need food and I don't have enough petrol to last me until payday. I luckily had a couple of clubcard vouchers so I could buy food and I had to go overlimit on a credit card at the pay at pump to put petrol in. So hitting a low point for sure and I don't want to do this again.  I have now been paid so will be hiding an emergency £20 in my husband's saver just in case. 

I order online - I hardly ever go into shops. I find I have lots of little things that come out like online subs etc that I don't really track as they are so small but obviously they add up...

I have slipped on my NE purchases rule and have ordered two things - one I need, one I don't so ew. But that is it!! 

I am a repeat customer of the Klarnas and Paypal in 3s of the world so I use these to order things. They are useful to use in moderation so I need to watch this. They will be clear by end of September.

I have really struggled with mental health issues in the past and in my younger days was a shopping addict and at my worst I had a nearly 30k debt. So I feel really crap that I know better and this should not be happening. Me and hubby have a huge savings goal to work towards yet still we spend.

I have changed my budget sheet as I was looking at the month in two halves rather than a whole, so will see if this makes any difference. 

I am gutted that Tesco bank is closing as that is my spends account so will figure out a new method of splitting bills and spends. 
I might try to use my online saver for this rather than going for a new bank account.

We have booked a trip for my husband's birthday and that is the last thing now before we really knuckle down to some serious saving and debt clearing. I feel better for seeing other people going through the same, less like a failure as a grownup as I can see it is really common. 

Showing some kindness to our situation, we were hit with two big financial bombshells last year, one being furloughed from work during lockdown so we have fallen behind with stuff because of this. The energy bill arrears are now clear and the council tax arrears are nearly gone. Other debts are next to tackle, I have payment plans all set up.

Just got to try and be more disciplined and more detailed in my budget.

Next aim is to try and find a savings account that has some kind of rate (They are all so crap!) that is separate to my banking so I don't see it everytime I log on and so I hopefully forget about it. This is for our big savings goal so really important.

I will have a look at your suggested resources like YNAB etc. thank you all for the ideas! 

hereagain22

Shopaholic_no_more said:

Hi @hereagain22 …..honestly, I truly believe it is a medical condition. Joking apart…my dad was terrible with money….I seem to have his trait…..my sister and my mum? ….they don’t even have credit cards 😳…what??? So I am travelling down the same road as you and I have been for the last 10 years or so…..I am also at the same point as you….struggling…but no more…enough is enough.

I have come to the conclusion it is most definitely down to your relationship with money and how you see it….
I used to think nothing of going in to a particular shop and spending a £100 on clothes (bearing in mind I DID NOT HAVE THE MONEY for it) 🙄….whacked it all on the credit card and thought …I’ll sort that out next month….oh my days…
My sister would go….”you’ve spent how much??” and then I would feel guilty about doing it. So, I can totally relate….it gives you a short adrenaline rush but the guilt lasts for a lot longer….then it turns to sleepless nights etc…etc…

I totally recommend using YNAB…You Need A Budget app….yes you have to pay a small amount yearly for the privilege but it is because I have to pay that I am sticking with it. Check out some of the YT videos…in particular the ones with Hannah in…she explains it so well.

I am going to follow your journey as we need to do this!! A stress free life is what we should be striving for! 🙌

Good Luck!! X

Thank you I can relate to your name lol! 

Right - why are some people so organised with money and some not. 

Totally with you on the shops splurge I used to use credit cards that way. I have run up more credit card debt so need rid of that.
Definitely the can deal with it later feeling there. I used to really enjoy going out shopping, now it's more ordering online but I get that buzz from a parcel turning up and something new and shiny to use/wear! 

 I will check it out, thanks. I will try to post updates and you share yours too! We got this lol!! 
x