Normal break-ups

sevenhills

How do normal breakups work out? Just whats going on inside my head.

I have been having a few health issues and my ex sent me a message asking what was wrong. She was always lacking in emotion.

We had a few hours of messages, then nothing.

I don't see us getting back together, but even tho it's been over a year since we went out, I still think about her. I remember the goods times and I have no animosity at all. She wanted a non-committal relationship, I am emotional and she is not. Why do people resort to anger when they break up? It was very passionate at first, she never let herself get close. Does seeing ex-partners online keep reminding us of our feelings.

I am ok to move on, but it seems like I have even spoken to a woman for years, until recently.

BellaLasagna2018

I don’t think there is any such thing as a “normal” break, and it’s always a bit painful one way or another, whether you want to break up or not. 

Seeing our exes online only prolongs the agony, I think.  It would be better to have a clean break and not know what they are doing. 

People resort to anger because they are hurt and/ or disappointed by the breakup. It’s a way of getting back at the ex partner. My ex got angry with me because they could not make me do what they wanted. 

Reading your post, I think your ex was curious about your health issues. Now, curiosity has been satisfied, she’s moved on. Maybe I’m cynical, but maybe you should move on too. 

74jax

sevenhills said:

How do normal breakups work out? Just whats going on inside my head.

I have been having a few health issues and my ex sent me a message asking what was wrong. She was always lacking in emotion.

We had a few hours of messages, then nothing.

I don't see us getting back together, but even tho it's been over a year since we went out, I still think about her. I remember the goods times and I have no animosity at all. She wanted a non-committal relationship, I am emotional and she is not. Why do people resort to anger when they break up? It was very passionate at first, she never let herself get close. Does seeing ex-partners online keep reminding us of our feelings.

I am ok to move on, but it seems like I have even spoken to a woman for years, until recently.

It depends. If an ex asked me about my health issues I would wonder how they knew.... Who had been talking about me to him etc.

I'm friends with a couple of exes, but after a few years of being broke up.

If either of you still harbors anything just cut contact. Block her number, ask people not to talk about you too her. 

sevenhills

BellaLasagna2018 said:

Reading your post, I think your ex was curious about your health issues. Now, curiosity has been satisfied, she’s moved on. Maybe I’m cynical, but maybe you should move on too. 

I have moved on, I don't see anything happening again, even though we had a short relationship, then got back together after a few years. Which did make me think it would carry on, as I knew how I felt.

She just wanted a casual relationship, in the sense of really close friends.

sevenhills

74jax said:

It depends. If an ex asked me about my health issues I would wonder how they knew.... Who had been talking about me to him etc.

After our first breakup, she would facebook message me, we met by chance a few times around Christmas and we were always friendly.

sevenhills

She is back to messaging me today. We all chat on here, perfect strangers, but why chat to an ex, maybe people chat to numerous people?

Maybe I am especially interesting, but not partner material lol

[Deleted User]

sevenhills said:

She is back to messaging me today. We all chat on here, perfect strangers, but why chat to an ex, maybe people chat to numerous people?

Maybe I am especially interesting, but not partner material lol

A situation I have found myself in with a couple of exes is that they don’t want me but don’t want anyone else to have me even when they’re with someone new.  It’s like continually picking at a scab and in every case I have cut all contact because that was the right course of action for me so that I could move on. 

oystercatcher

I have a couple of Ex's who I randomly message once in a while just to see how they are. I have fond memories and just hope they are happy. I suppose it's nosiness more than anything a bit of friendship too. I wouldn't want to restart a relationship with them as we broke up because they weren't 'the one' but it's nice to know that life is treating them well .

sevenhills

oystercatcher said:

I wouldn't want to restart a relationship with them as we broke up because they weren't 'the one' but it's nice to know that life is treating them well .

I don't think my ex has the empathy to understand that I do want to get back together. But I do really know that it won't happen.

sonofmerton

sevenhills said:

How do normal breakups work out? Just whats going on inside my head.

I have been having a few health issues and my ex sent me a message asking what was wrong. She was always lacking in emotion.

We had a few hours of messages, then nothing.

I don't see us getting back together, but even tho it's been over a year since we went out, I still think about her. I remember the goods times and I have no animosity at all. She wanted a non-committal relationship, I am emotional and she is not. Why do people resort to anger when they break up? It was very passionate at first, she never let herself get close. Does seeing ex-partners online keep reminding us of our feelings.

I am ok to move on, but it seems like I have even spoken to a woman for years, until recently.

there is no normal. each 'break up' is different. one of my exes contacted me a while back. i had been having issues too. did i hope, she wanted to get back together, no.  it was just friendly chit chat. we remain friends and have done for 12 years. we ended on good terms. 

if we want to get back with someone we generally always remember the good times. our minds want it and refuse to put any bad times at the forefront of that wanting, so as not to put us off.

i know a few who want the no commitment thing, some men but mostly women.  a friend of mine said she lives life on her terms and won't be guided by a man. she has plenty of general male friends as well as women. she chooses to have a long list of things in her life that she wants to do and to keep busy. men are somewhere in that list and rarely at the top. i think your ex is the same.

in my experience the more intense the relationship with an ex, the more 'blocking' you should do. i am friends still with a couple of exes, but they meant less to me and me to them as we both invested less time overall in each other. 

can you move on....? yes. though the feelings are never truly gone. just tonight after reading the london gazette after it was mentioned elsewhere on here, i looked for an ex and learnt that she had been made bankrupt a few years ago. despite her being a liar, cheater and worse at the time and that i haven't seen her for 15 years, i felt sorry for her. i looked for her because i could well believe she had been made bankrupt, my surprise was the sorrow i felt for her after 15 years of not having any contact with her at all.

you need to move on though. the fact you have come on here talking about your ex, chatted by text for a few hours and as you say 'it seems like I have even spoken to a woman for years, until recently' tells me that deep inside, somewhere truly inside, you haven't got over her. ask yourself this question and imagine the scenario is real, if your ex said 'let's get back together', would you? be honest with yourself, you don't even have to reply on here. if there is any part of you that wants to get back having asked that question of yourself then you are not over her. 

you need to remove yourself from her or you will spend (even without knowing it) your life at the back end of your mind, hoping you could get back together. my ex who bit me, punched me, spat at me, came at me with a knife, lied till the cows came home, i still would have got back with her after a good 3 years after it ended. 

going back to your comment 'but it seems like I have even spoken to a woman for years, until recently' begs the question why?, is your brain stopping you from chasing other women just in case your ex does want some kind of relationship again. i suspect you don't want to block her number, but sometimes, we have to make bold decisions so we can be bolder and better in the future. 

once you have blocked her number you can then move on. until then, you will always be hoping she is there for you in the future. rest assured, she will not be thinking of you in her general life nor coming on here to talk about you and her feelings. 

you said she is emotionless, well she certainly isn't worth anyone's tears or thoughts or time.

Once you have moved on you can see what is out there, i can assure you there is plenty of emotion out there and someone who will put you at the top of their list.

good luck.  

Pollycat

sevenhills said:

oystercatcher said:

I wouldn't want to restart a relationship with them as we broke up because they weren't 'the one' but it's nice to know that life is treating them well .

I don't think my ex has the empathy to understand that I do want to get back together. But I do really know that it won't happen.

It sounds like her recent contact has opened up some part-healed wounds.