stepdaughters address issue

elsien

hammerbm said:

thanks everyone for your replies and very useful comments.Just to add a bit more info he is in his late thirties with two children under 10 from a previous relationship who stay with him every other weekend. My stepdaughter is in her early twenties and sadly wont listen to mine or her mothers advice that it sounds dodgy..My stepdaughter has no debt(except to me lol). Unfortunately I do not have his address as I do like the idea of sending post back. Another complication is that she is unemployed and looking for work and we have told her it will not look good to potential employers if her address details are sketchy.

If she’s unemployed she needs to declare she’s living with him as it could affect her benefits. Have the DWP been informed? And his, if he is claiming at all. 

Is this the real reason he doesn’t want her address on anything - is she aware she may be committing benefit fraud, and the implications of that? 

TBagpuss

Yes, if she is claiming benefits she must tell DWP both that she has moved, and that she is now cohabiting. 

With job searching it's probably less of an issue as I would expect most contact would be online rather than by post, but could be an issue if she is applying to jobs close to her new address but using the old one (unless they are very close together) 

Ultimately, she is an adult so you can't force her to do anything.

hammerbm

no she isnt claiming benefits.she left her job last week of her own accord and is now having interviews for new jobs and shouldnt be out of work for long. i do realise i cant force her to do anything but just wanted advice.

maman

I think you've probably done all you can. If you've told her the possible reasons why she might be being asked to withold her address and the legalities that she's likely to get involved in then there's not a lot you can do if she won't listen. Has she asked the BF herself why he wants the address kept secret? Does she know?

Now you and her mother need to decide whether to go along with her (his) wishes or return any mail to sender ? 

BrassicWoman

You can have a mailing address which isn't your residential address. I don't think it makes the parent implicit in anything just by holding mail.

maman

BrassicWoman said:

You can have a mailing address which isn't your residential address. I don't think it makes the parent implicit in anything just by holding mail.

That's absolutely right. Thousands of people, especially students, probably do it all the time. The difference here is that OP smells a rat and until the BF gives a plausible explanation then it's probably correct. 

hammerbm

thanks everyone for your very useful comments...she seems happy to just go with it for now so i'm not going to say much to her now as i've told her what could happen but not much more i can do really. Except be there to help her out if something goes wrong.

BrassicWoman

hammerbm said:

thanks everyone for your very useful comments...she seems happy to just go with it for now so i'm not going to say much to her now as i've told her what could happen but not much more i can do really. Except be there to help her out if something goes wrong.

probably much wiser than pushing it. It's difficult standing back and being the safety net though!

maman

Thanks for getting back to us. So what did you decide to do about her post in the end?🤔

Brie

I knew a guy years back that would tell his girlfriend the same thing because he didn't want his wife to find out when she came back from a long holiday.  Hopefully this isn't the same situation.