Wedding Gift for Neice
Grumpy_chap
Forumite 12.1K Posts
Hello Forumites,
My adorable Niece is getting married in August (fingers-crossed after several re-schedules) and my second equally adorable Niece in January (same finger pose same reason).
I am rather at a loss as to what to get them for their Wedding gifts. Neither have a list and both just say they'd like money - this is how the modern way is really. Times do move on as both are in second homes with their partners - no need for the stuff to set up home like it once was.
The old fashioned me would have preferred to have got them a "thing" that is lasting, but there is no point in buying them something they neither need nor want. The more modern "green" me hates the waste associated with just "stuff" so if I meet the request and write a cheque at least there is no unwanted "stuff" simply going to landfill and the two Nieces and their new husbands can buy what they choose, or buy quality experience time together.
This does also make a lot of sense practically - I remember, ahead of our Wedding, my (now) wife and I were encouraged to put down a choice of dinner service, so we now have an exquisite Wedgwood dinner service which is truly lovely but we use it a handful of times per year and it is all quite a faff as not dishwasher proof - since time immemorial there have probably always been better things for the money.
My question, therefore is not "what" to get them, but how to set the "how much"? I am quite happy to give them a generous gift so don't wish to look mean but nor do I want to make a gift that results in making others look mean.
I have tried to engage with my Brother (Niece's Dad) and Mum and other Brother to get some common agreement as to how we set things, but there is a reluctance basically around no-one ever talks about money ever because it is not the "done thing". This is a shame really, as to my mind, it would be easier if we could all agree a number that would be given, then everyone would be equalised - there are after all only 2 Uncles on my side plus 1 Uncle and 1 Auntie on the other side.
My adorable Niece is getting married in August (fingers-crossed after several re-schedules) and my second equally adorable Niece in January (same finger pose same reason).
I am rather at a loss as to what to get them for their Wedding gifts. Neither have a list and both just say they'd like money - this is how the modern way is really. Times do move on as both are in second homes with their partners - no need for the stuff to set up home like it once was.
The old fashioned me would have preferred to have got them a "thing" that is lasting, but there is no point in buying them something they neither need nor want. The more modern "green" me hates the waste associated with just "stuff" so if I meet the request and write a cheque at least there is no unwanted "stuff" simply going to landfill and the two Nieces and their new husbands can buy what they choose, or buy quality experience time together.
This does also make a lot of sense practically - I remember, ahead of our Wedding, my (now) wife and I were encouraged to put down a choice of dinner service, so we now have an exquisite Wedgwood dinner service which is truly lovely but we use it a handful of times per year and it is all quite a faff as not dishwasher proof - since time immemorial there have probably always been better things for the money.
My question, therefore is not "what" to get them, but how to set the "how much"? I am quite happy to give them a generous gift so don't wish to look mean but nor do I want to make a gift that results in making others look mean.
I have tried to engage with my Brother (Niece's Dad) and Mum and other Brother to get some common agreement as to how we set things, but there is a reluctance basically around no-one ever talks about money ever because it is not the "done thing". This is a shame really, as to my mind, it would be easier if we could all agree a number that would be given, then everyone would be equalised - there are after all only 2 Uncles on my side plus 1 Uncle and 1 Auntie on the other side.
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Random strangers on t'interweb don't know your financial situation or the financial situation of the rest of your family.
Or know how much you give to these nieces for birthdays and Christmas - if you even do.
You either need to get your family to tell you what they are planning to gift or make your own mind up.
If I suggested £50 or £500 would that help?
I didn't think so.
So, how much in terms of a fraction or multiple of a week's income?
Birthdays and Christmas - we gave them something in the £50 region, but always a
"thing" never a cheque. That stopped at 21, when we gave them £250 for entering adulthood proper.
Is that a rational decision process to work out an amount?
I think the comments by myself and cymruchris still apply.
The issue for the OP appears to be this:
The only people who can reassure the OP about the amount of the gift are the members of his family who know how much they are gifting.
Apparently, Mum spoke to my wife at the Bridal Shower and mentioned an amount that she though the gift should be and it is roughly one week's wages, so that works nicely.
It also works as a basis if other Nieces / Nephews marry in the future but time has passed altering the value of money. It even works if hard times visit as a week is always a week.
I have quite a few nephews/nieces/etc. We always give about the same amount. My siblings and I, well left to my OH and if the wedding is that of my relations/nephew/etc, we are an amount and we all give cash to that amount. One of the siblings is loaded and they at times go very high and then others suggest something low - we stick around to 5/700. However, it is what you can afford as you well know but even if one could afford a lot more as one of my siblings and even we could, its good to keep a balance on things.
Cash all day long especially in these times as they can prioritise their needs/etc,