Breakdown of Marriage, what happens to home?

CharlieLayla78

I told my partner I wanted to end our marriage due to us drifting apart and not getting along. Partner stated they would like to stay in our home we have a joint mortgage for and buy me out and share parental responsibility 50/50. Partner has now came back to me stating he can’t afford a mortgage  to buy me out.No one would give him home a mortgage as he only declares £15000 a year and is self employed, I have argued that he should declare all his earnings and then he could get a mortgage… I’m furious to now be told this and adds the the many reasons I’ve had to end our marriage.
 I have suggested that I buy him out or we sell the house and split the equity.
He has refused these options and has stated he does not want to move out and in the best interest of the children he should stay in the home until the youngest is 18 (youngest aged 12)then we can sell the house.The reasoning behind this was that I have decided to end the marriage not him.

Lavendyr

Does he not declare his earnings?

Sounds like a job for HMRC initially. 

To add. Is "drifting apart" and "not getting along" something that could be resolved through counselling? Is this really the only reason you want to end your marriage without trying to fix it? It seems there is more to it from what you've hinted at. 

sassyblue

No, if he wants the home and to stay in it then he has to buy you out. It’s irrelevant who ended the relationship- btw it takes two to make and sometimes break a relationship.

 If he only declares he earns £15,000 what happens to anything over that? Where are those monies?

If he’s named on the birth certificate you share parental responsibility anyway, is the 50/50 he wants shared custody? if so, how will that work, Is it feasible?

tacpot12

Reporting him to HMRC for tax evasion is not going to improve his ability to get a mortgage overnight, and he might deduce that you are the source of their information. I think I would leave reporting your suspicions to HMRC until you have financially and legally separated from him.

If you stop paying the mortgage, he will either have to pay it all or will get evicted by the lender. If he does pay all the mortgage, he could be putting money into your pocket assuming that you don't have a Declaration of Trust that determines how much of the property you each own. It is likely that you own the property either as Joint Tenants (in which case you own 50% each), or as Tenants-in-Common with no Declaration of Trust (in which case you also own the property 50/50). You could use this as a negotiating tool. 

It is likely that you will have to pay Child Maintenance if the children do decide to stay with him. Depending on their ages, you may need to give them more choice over where they live and how the other parent will see them. You can use the calculator at the Child Maintenance Service to see how much maintenance you might need to pay to him.

You should probably ask to see a Financial Mediator. An experienced mediator will help you understand what is possible. Hopefully the mediator will be able to help you both find an option that works for each of you.  

TBagpuss

It sounds as though you are going to need to sort this out through formal proceedings.

Get your divorce started as you can then put it on hold until you sort the finances, but it allows you to make application to the court if you can't negotiate a settlement.

It's irrelevant to the financial settlement who ended the marriage, and usually, the reasons why the marriage has broken down are  irrelevant - a court deciding the financial split *can* consider "conduct" but it would normally only be relevant if the behaviour was very serious or had a major financial impact (Think, one spouse having being convicted of serious crimes against the other, of having spent r otherwise disposed of a significant proportion of the family assets without good reason, or anything of that kind. 'normal' behaviour which leads to a marriage ending, such as someone having an affair, won't affect the financial split)

A court has to look at all the assets, including your respective incomes and earning capacities, your needs, the needs of any children etc, and decide how to fairly divide the assets. 

There is no presumption that either of you needs to stay in the current home - and of you are going to share the care of the children then it's likely that you will both have the same housing needs, so it would be very hard for him to argue that he needed to stay in the house unless this was on the basis which allowed you to rehouse in a similar property.

As part of the process of reaching a financial settlement he will (you both will) have to provide full financial disclose - this will include his disclosing his bank statements, tax returns etc and the accounts or books of his business. A good solicitor can help you identify, and make clear to the court, if he is not being honest.

For instance, if someone does a lot of work for cash, it';s quite difficult to hide that - typically you will see, when you look at their bank statement  etc that their outgoings and lifestyle don't match up with their declared income.

For instance, if the bank statements don't ever show them buying petrol, or food, then you can draw inferences that that's normally paid for in cash -if there a re no cash withdrawal to cover those outgoings, then you can draw the inference that they are spending money which they received as cash .. and if all the declared income they have does go through their bank account then it is open to a Judge to draw the inference that they have additional income they have not disclosed.

Equally, a court is entitled to look at each parties earning capacity, as well as their income. If he claims to only be earning £15,000 it may well be that you could argue that he has the capacity to earn more - you can provide evidence of what people with his skills can earn working as employees , for instance. A Judge can't force him to change jobs, but they take the view that he has the capacity to earn more than he is and that it is to some extent a lifestyle choice if she doesn't - it's a bit like working part time - a judge can't force anyone to work full time , but assuming the person is fit and healthy with no caring responsibilities, they are free to make decisions on the basis that the person has the option to earn more by working full tiem, and to asses their needs with that in mind. 

TBagpuss

Also - he says you should share parental responsibility. What do you feel is best for the children? Who looks after them now? There are of course many loving parents who want to spend as much time with their children and play a full and active part in their care, and who want equal shared care on separation to continue in that kind of role. There are however also parents who suddenly decide that they want to share or take on care of children when they realise how child maintenance is calculated, and what things affect eligibility for benefits and tax credits... 

maman

TBagpuss said:

There are however also parents who suddenly decide that they want to share or take on care of children when they realise how child maintenance is calculated, and what things affect eligibility for benefits and tax credits... 

This is true and there are also parents who stay in a comfortable home because they have the children while the other partner has to go back to parents or live in a bedsit.  This may not be the case as this person seems to have surplus income but he has realised that if he's paying for half a house, he might as well live in it than pay rent elsewhere. 

MalMonroe

You need a solicitor, was my first thought. If you're going to have a divorce anyway, that's the way forward. I've been through similar myself and the only way to sort matters out clearly and concisely is legally. Yes, you have to pay but at the end of the day, everything gets sorted out properly and there can be no arguments. I think you can still book free first appointments with solicitors - whilst there you could ask about getting him to move out. 

It doesn't seem as if your partner has accepted that your relationship is over yet. Doesn't matter who has decided to end it, you're not happy. I'm sorry it's come to this and hope you can come to some amicable arrangements. It's early days yet, though. 

GeordieGeorge

If he’s committing tax fraud by hiding earnings then this could also affect any divorce settlement or child maintenance, so you’re going to need him to own up to it sooner or later.

Do you have access to his accounts and bank details? If so, take copies, as there’s every chance that this will end up needing to involve lawyers and will end up in acrimony.

elsien

It’s not just the equity in the house that you need to consider, it’s any assets, savings, pensions on both sides which all go into the pot.

sassyblue

GeordieGeorge said:

If he’s committing tax fraud by hiding earnings then this could also affect any divorce settlement or child maintenance, so you’re going to need him to own up to it sooner or later.

Do you have access to his accounts and bank details? If so, take copies, as there’s every chance that this will end up needing to involve lawyers and will end up in acrimony.

Own up in what way? I think you’ll find the Inland Revenue may not be too happy with the OP either if she knew about her husband's tax fraud and ignored it. 

We had a divorce case where the wronged wife came in all guns blazing that she was taking down her self employed husband for tax fraud until it was politely pointed out she had known about it for many years and turned a blind eye while she too enjoyed the benefit of said monies that came into the household…..