Right of access for neighbours

Babies24

Hi can you help I'm getting to the point where I want to sell the house that I love. 5 years ago when we purchased our old Victorian we knew that our neighbours had right of access over our drive way to get to their house all was very clear on the deeds and we were happy to do so especially when they where retired. We have a young family so we spend a lot of time outside with the little ones helping us with the garden which is all our other neighbours this is beautiful. The final straw happened this morning when our neighbours who have right of access over our drive to their house came and started brushing up a few leaves on the drive, my husband went and spoke to them say don't worry I cleared the leave so at the weekend and I'll sweep anymore tomorrow, then came the torrent of abuse complaining my garden is a mess, it's very neat apart from a very small section which has wild flowers under trees far off the drive. Then more abuse saying we don't take in parcels for them which we do when we're in. Is there anything I can do they won't even listen and just shout at us but it's very sad and upsetting. Please help.

Slithery

Ignore them?

[Deleted User]

delete 123

Babies24

Sadly there isn't more to the story the house was empty for 18 months before we moved in so they weren't happy that they could no
longer claim the drive was theirs. We've really tried to keep the peace always saying hello and taking parcels down to their house. Sadly our other neighbours got told off for fixing a fence that was actually theirs and she's a lovely older lady who lives with her elderly mother. Oh well I will try and turn the other cheek as they say.

anselld

Babies24 said:

Sadly there isn't more to the story the house was empty for 18 months before we moved in so they weren't happy that they could no
longer claim the drive was theirs. We've really tried to keep the peace always saying hello and taking parcels down to their house. Sadly our other neighbours got told off for fixing a fence that was actually theirs and she's a lovely older lady who lives with her elderly mother. Oh well I will try and turn the other cheek as they say.

Nothing more to it, but after one altercation with the neighbours you are thinking of selling up.  Sorry but that just doesn't make sense.

MysteryMe

Could be a number of things, neighbour could have had one too many to drink, could have taken medication that has affected them, they might be showing signs of dementia where aggressive outbursts can be a symptom, they may have just had a !!!!!! day and taken it out on you etc etc

If you've lived their 5 years and now all of a sudden because of one incident you want to move, seems a bit extreme TBH although I can understand it being upsetting, most people just want to get along.

MaryNB

Maybe they've been annoyed about you parking there and the perceived state of your garden and they've just been seething about it quietly and your husband saying something set them off.

Babies24

Well for the 5 years we've put up with quiet a lot really but been very calm about it because they're are older we tried to be respectful as that's what we teach our children. They speed into our drive with 2 Landrovers they know we have little kids that could be out with us, although he's 80 he's still very able, we've had verbal abuse from their friends when we've asked the to very nicely please slow down, they allow workmen to walk on our garden without letting us know, were fine about allowing that if needed but a heads up when they can would be nice, so we find people wandering in our garden, we've handed over contact numbers when they've refused to take them we've said fine just please drop a note into the door. We never allowed the kids to leave toys on the drive and park carefully so they can easily get past but we have been abused constantly for not leaving enough room, but that is more to
do with their friends complaining  our car is now on our drive they can't use it as a turning circle. Oh well

Abbafan1972

Flippin heck they sound like entitled pieces of work!  I don't know what to suggest to be honest, but all these threads are making me wary of moving to a house where things are shared with a neighbour, something that's not totally avoidable, but driveways is one of them I think. 

Hope you get something sorted soon.  I think my husband would have knocked his block off by now. 

Babies24

Abbafan1972 said:

Flippin heck they sound like entitled pieces of work!  I don't know what to suggest to be honest, but all these threads are making me wary of moving to a house where things are shared with a neighbour, something that's not totally avoidable, but driveways is one of them I think. 

Hope you get something sorted soon.  I think my husband would have knocked his block off by now. 

Thanks for that I was starting to think it was just me being pathetic but I've said I would never do it again as it's common in our village and never heard anyone else having problems. My husbands found it very difficult to keep calm as he's gets upset that we're proud of the work we've done on the house, but as I keep saying if we're not nice then we just become like them, thanks 

eddddy

Babies24 said:

Thanks for that I was starting to think it was just me being pathetic but I've said I would never do it again as it's common in our village and never heard anyone else having problems. My husbands found it very difficult to keep calm as he's gets upset that we're proud of the work we've done on the house, but as I keep saying if we're not nice then we just become like them, thanks 

FWIW, I occasionally have to deal with an older person who sounds similar to your neighbours.

Interestingly, I heard somebody mention "Narcissistic personality disorder" - I googled it, and it is seems to precisely describe the person I know. They tick every box.

The downside is that there doesn't seem to be a successful strategy for dealing with people in that situation. The advice seems to be to just not get involved with them.


In my experience, if you challenge any of the nonsense they say, it quickly escalates into a major confrontation. If you pretend to agree with whatever nonsense they say, it feeds their sense of self-importance and superiority - and they become even more arrogant and talk even more nonsense.

So whenever possible, I just try to say "ok" and walk away.