Lilt, Jellytot and the Archangel

CRANKY40

Can your local refuge not help you with housing advice? I'd say that you really need to get out of there before the violence escalates. 

liltdiddylilt

CRANKY40 said:

Can your local refuge not help you with housing advice? I'd say that you really need to get out of there before the violence escalates. 

I’ve got to contact “Rising Sun” but I don’t hold out much hope. They were useless last time I was put in contact with them by social workers. But that was another ex. I obviously have a type and yet on paper they couldn’t be more different. 

The violent “phase” seemed to be when I was pregnant. He’s mostly held his temper since then and it’s just this “my way or the highway” rubbish, where I’m not allowed to voice an opinion or be in any way less than a meek, mild-mannered, GOOD girl, must be on hand to reply to them at all times and yet barely hear back when I message him myself... etc etc...

Meanwhile he’s telling me I am controlling and having me doubt my own sanity. 

I’ll figure a way out. I won £30 on the lottery on Saturday. It will keep me in tickets and hope for a while without dipping into “my” funds.  

CRANKY40

When my sister's nutcase ex finally left it took three months for her to "come back" from him if you know what I mean? When she finally did she said it was as if she'd been brainwashed into staying with him. She couldn't see a way out either but thankfully he got a girlfriend (poor woman) and left. My niece named her first son after my sister's second husband. That says it all I think. 

There are other places to seek help such as hestia.org or refuge.org

liltdiddylilt

Thank you for your help Cranky!

I was brainwashed for sure with Jellytot’s dad. When the end came we were two people who were living separate lives, and we always had been since she came along I think. We had no common ground. It was like waking up. My mum noticed the difference in me. I really got my ish together. My home was immaculate, we wanted for nothing, the bills were all paid without worry. I spoke up for myself more.

ive continued to speak up for myself in this relationship (mostly) but it really gets me in trouble when I tell his mum no, in a polite but firm fashion. I set my boundaries, and they push it to the limit and far beyond. It’s infuriating. 

He’s only here at weekends, but from Friday morning my mum knows instantly what day of the week it is. My anxiety is high, I’m quiet and withdrawn and not my usual self. I worry about what I’ve upset them with in the week, from not replying to him quickly (although he messages me few and far between as he’s “so busy!” which I understand), but he finishes work at 4:30 and doesn’t message me until 8pm, prime getting the kids to bed then cleaning up and getting to bed myself time! 

When he leaves, it’s like I can breathe again although it takes a while for me to come down from the anxiety. 

I at least seem to have got through to them that Icky can take the Archangel there, on a Saturday morning, but I’d rather not go, not have them come here instead, and would just like some time alone or with Jellytot on the weekend she’s home. So there’s that. His mother hasn’t messaged me since I told her she could text me but we didn’t have anything to talk about other than the Archangel and I would rather leave it to communicating solely about him. 

In other news, I signed up to a gentle parenting class today. It’s at 1pm. Printed my workbook and everything! Jellytot has been much better since the things that she does without argument earn her 5 minutes each on roblollox. This morning I got up and she had made her bed, opened her curtains, got dressed for school and was downstairs. That, along with looking after her brother while I showered (she even made my bed for me!) earned 20 minutes to add to the 10 from getting in the shower properly and coming off roblollox first time of asking. So half an hour when she gets home. Gives me time to sort the Archangel, feed him, and try and figure out dinner!

Right I’m off to give this course a good bash. Money has exploded out of my account this week due to me not looking at my amazon subscriptions before they came out. Ah well. It will get used.

Have a good day folks xx

liltdiddylilt

I spent £100 on Father’s Day. Which had to be delayed because the stuff hadn’t arrived by the right day. That’s the problem with personalised stuff. One thing, £30 for this, still isn’t here but the seller nudged Hermes and after a week and a half they’ve decided to deliver it in the next couple of days. Rolling my eyes hard there. 

Was he happy? Frankly it’s hard to tell. Like his mother he has the most immobile face ever. He doesn’t know how to smile. I asked if he liked things. “Yeah I do” - “well, tell your face then!”

I find it so hard to deal with. I’m still trying so hard, yet my birthday, he bought 3 generic cards from Waitrose on the way home from work. 2 didn’t even have “Happy Birthday” on them, let alone “to my mummy”. I’m lucky that my ex was just as shocking (despite working in a card shop for 10 years!) and my mum always bought cards from my daughter for me every occasion and gifts. He also got me a mug and a guardian angel necklace with the Archangel’s birth stone in it... which is utterly impractical, though a nice thought. 

Today I have announced that I give up. I’m sending him message after message and getting no response. Meanwhile he’s on and offline and sending pictures of the puppy he’s bought himself (yes, himself, while pleading poverty to me!) to his family chat and chatting in there. I don’t go in there. Frankly it’s his family and I’m not a part of that. They make that very clear. I’ve debated removing them all from my facebook. Horrible place that is. So I told him to message if he would like to know about his son and receive pictures or facetime him at all each week but I’m no longer going to message him 5 times a day with no response.

Financials.., I’m awaiting the final bill from my £12,000 court case now that it’s tied up. I had sent some in on account so it may be only £2-300. We’ll see.

Moneywise, not doing great this month. His birthday is on Friday. After all the oak cards and personalised train signs and bibs at Father’s Day went down like a pair of new socks, he’s got a mug and a t shirt. His card from the Archangel says “Happy First Birthday as my Daddy” - haven’t even got him one myself yet.

Had a tiring week. Not much sleep. Blitzed Jellytot’s tip of a room. Vacuumed mine repeatedly, revolting what came up! Am finally up to date on laundry and just need to put piles away from all over the living room and do some ironing. 

Have a nice day all xx

Honeysucklelou2

Hope you have had a good weekend.

sashybo

Hi Lilt, I hope you’re doing ok, just noticed your new diary. I used to read your old diary years ago.

So sorry to hear about your rubbish exes, I hope you have managed to get out of the most recent ex’s house or are on the way to doing so.

Big hugs, I’m glad you realised that you deserve better. Hang on in there.