Pay for the future and not the past

Blackcats

Great to spend time planning.  I'm sure you will be able to work out an optimum plan

MissRikkiC

I managed do the the holiday cals bit at least. 

Frugal wins for the last couple of days 

Rifled through my husbands old (OLD) clothes and stuck a few polo shirts on vinted. One sold already. Make that 2. 

Picked up 2 pairs of perfectly good shoes for my girl from a CS Yesterday for £2 each. A pair of Nike and another pair of Clark’s. 

DW didn’t go on, made hub wash up instead. 

Currently under a blanket whilst the heating is off! Time to nap after a rough night with bear

MissRikkiC

This week is testing me, so many rough nights and very little sleep means I have such little patience. I’ve treated myself to a few things this week mainly for the gym, rather than having a no spend month. I think I’m doing enough for the time being. 

Trying to be kinder to myself and accepting help when it’s offered were my 2 personal goals for moving into 2023. They’re the most difficult of all, why can’t I just suck it up and smile anymore. Why does stuff get me down and test my limits more now in my 30s than it did in my 20s. Why can’t I just shake it off the same as before.  This I’m finding is the most challenging and so ‘trying’ to recognise that things do feel different now and accepting help feels like the right thing to do. I’m just struggling to accept said help, or ask for it in the same way as I’m struggling to understand why stuff feels much more difficult these days. 

Bluegreen143

Hugs, I think it’s very normal to feel this way when you have a small baby, especially when it’s your second. You feel like things are harder because they ARE harder. 

I think it’s very important when you have little ones to live in the season you’re in and not expect too much of yourself. Remember this season is fairly short. As your kids grow, it really does get MUCH easier again. I know now, with a 7 and 4yo, I’m in so much a healthier place than I was when I had a 4 and 1yo! The sleep deprivation and someone constantly needing you… it does wear you down. You are quite right that you should accept any help offered. 

MissRikkiC

Thanks @Bluegreen143, I’m so glad to hear you say it gets easier. Last night we had a much better night and don’t feel as hard done by today, sleep deprivation is just the worst.

MissRikkiC

In other news. It’s likely that my MIL isn’t going to have both children through the school holidays as she has done with my daughter until now. I’m a little cross about this given that it’s only ever 2 days a week at most and they’re not often back to back days either, but most importantly because she won’t build a relationship with my boy the same as she has done with my eldest because she won’t see them as often. It makes me a bit sad. 

She is early 50s, no partner, part time work, no one at home and says she thinks it will be too much work. I can’t get my head around if. Maybe I’m being unrealistic 🙃

jokono

I remember the time my youngest was a baby, all I could think of was sleep, or lack of it! Reflecting on it later, I realised I had not other thoughts or conversation topics whenever I met anyone, it was all about sleep deprivation, it really messes you up. Like you, I also felt like I had less patience with my second, but @Bluegreen143 is absolutely right, it is harder when having two children to look after. When I see mums with 3 or 4 very young children, there are quite a few I see during the school run, I always wonder how they are managing?! Maybe their MILs help more? 🤣


I was being silly, I kind of see it from her point of view as well. Even though it's only a couple of times a week she probably had even less patience than we have and two very young children can be very challenging. Maye she could do one at a time for a while? To be completely honest, when I think about future me in older days, I definitely wouldn't want to baby sit two very young children two days a week if I was still working, even part time. 

Bluegreen143

Could she start taking your youngest instead, while you find alternative childcare for your eldest? That way she builds that relationship up too but doesn’t have two little ones to care for. 

As the children get older it becomes easier to get babysitting help, mine are now at the stage where it’s easier to have them both rather than having them individually, because when they are together they play together and don’t need much adult interaction. So it may be your MIL can’t cope well in this season but she may be able to in another, like when they are both preschool/school age. I know that’s not much help now!

I do also often get annoyed that we don’t get much family help, but when I’m being logical I know the reality is other people don’t owe us help, it’s just a bonus if we get it. However I hope one day to be a super engaged nana as I don’t want my own children to feel unsupported as I sometimes have! 

MissRikkiC

I’m grateful for your insights @Bluegreen143 @jokono
I find it hard to get my head around as my dear old mum would have been the very opposite and would’ve felt offended that I’d felt I had to ask. 

We will instead book both children into nursery on those 2 days a week (well in advance) and bear a little extra cost. 

As for MIL building a relationship with my boy, I’m a bit reluctant to go out of my way to make it happen as she isn’t proactive to seek out ways of protecting their relationship herself if that makes sense. Maybe I’m a bit scorned by her decision to not have both children, but want more enthusiasm/awareness of the situation from her first I think. 

MissRikkiC

After a really awful Wednesday this week where in short my electric car broke down and was that flat it would’ve even charge, after breaking down at 8:45am, my car was back on the drive and charged in full over 12 hours later. Not to be repeated so I’ve delayed the work overpayment being refunded and used it to pay for a charge point at home. We were going to do this in March this year anyway so just got a head start on it. It’s been fitted Tuesday. Thank goodness as that’s been my 5th or 6th run in with the car and lack of ability to charge! 

To top off a rubbish day, whilst sat on the side of the road, my boss and I caught up where he told me my job wasn’t suitable to be to go back to if I was remaining on 4 days and WFH. Apparently it’s no longer 4 days (I can understand that) and Im needed in the office more often (this bit not so much). After much reflection and picking up with a few previous teams I’d worked with,  I have however been offered another role in the company, which is 100% wfh and 4 days. I’ll just need to swap a few Fridays (non working day) when it falls on month end deadline days. Im glad I worked my backside off when I was in my late 20s as it’s paid off for me now I’ve got the children and my reputation has meant that both times I’ve come back from maternity I’ve been offered roles within the business.

It’s hard to think that I’m at a point where I need to think about building on my career again, I don’t intend on progressing too much more to be honest but i do have a few things I have to box off over the next few years so maybe this is just the start. 

I’m looking forward to going back to work now that I have a plan. I was already worried as I recruited my maternity cover candidate and he was quite honestly fantastic. Self doubt crept in whilst I’ve been off and I was concerned they wouldn’t want me back anyway. Likely that there is an element of not wanting certain aspects of my circumstances to put up with (children in nursery, stricter working hours, 100 miles away from my team) but over the past couple of days I’ve realised I’d likely do the same in my boss’s situation so can’t blame him really. 

Maternity finishes in exactly 3 weeks, then my holiday starts and I still don’t go back until the 11th April so it’ll be nice that pay is going back to normal waaaaay before that. 

I’ve tried to budget for the rest of the year but I think I’ll cart the children off to nursery a week before I go back to work to try and get on top of my life admin. Can it wait until April? 🤣