On my journey for financial freedom.

Allikat86

Hello! 

I’ve decided to start a diary after lurking for several months. I’m a single Mum with a five year old and an eight year old that live with me full time. I’ve been separated (now divorced) from my ex husband for almost four years. I left after a myriad of issues, but financial abuse was a big part of it. My youngest was 18 months old when we separated and so I worked part time for a few years (shift work in healthcare, so childcare was problematic - I was also breastfeeding until my youngest was 3), gradually increasing my hours, and in the last couple of years I’ve moved into a healthcare role with an emphasis on safeguarding. I have been working full time since then. I had a promotion in September which has made a massive difference financially. I’m currently doing a post graduate diploma (which finishes at the end of this year), working at the same time. It’s incredibly intense but interesting! 

I’ll post a disclosure soon, but the upshot of it is - I have had a fair amount of divorce related legal fees in the last few years, as well as trying to cover day to day expenses etc, but I am now recovering now that I work full time. Sometimes my income would literally just cover my outgoings. Last year my mum and stepdad loaned me £4800 to cover the remainder of my credit card debt (from day to day expenses over several years) and I am really quite stubborn about paying it back - they’re very kindly letting me do it at £100 a month which has really helped, as it’s given me time to very quickly gather my legal fees for this last bit (I’ve managed to pull £1500 together for legal fees in three months so I’ve been really quite proud of myself). I’ve paid off £1100 of the amount that I owe to my parents. My parents have gifted me £10000 to pay my ex husband towards his share of the house. I’ve paid the house bills alone for years. I’ve just had a consent order granted so we will be completing this by the end of this month and my new solo mortgage will start. 

I have struggled to accept help from them but it helped a lot when my mum expressly told me that she knew how difficult it could be as a single parent. My ‘lightbulb moment’ was really when I read about ‘Tilly Tidying’. I have to admit that COVID has had a positive financial impact on me, which I feel awful for saying as I know how devastating it has been for others. I’ve also become smarter in terms of unplanned spends. The heavy saving that I’ve been doing shows me that as well as having a much better income than a few years ago, that I’m also considering the purchases that I make more. I have eaten more takeaways than I should do recently, though! I also opened a help to save account in April as I receive a small amount of tax credits (I wasn’t actually aware of the scheme before) and so I am putting the max £50 per month into that.

I find that manually ‘Tilly tidying’ and transferring money between accounts really helps - I get a real sense of satisfaction from doing it myself. I am also going to do the ‘1p challenge’ from next month by mixing up the amounts and ticking them off to make it more affordable. I’m hoping that this will start to give a buffer towards if the children decide that they would like to go to university. I need to look up details of savings accounts for them or the best way to do this.

I feel that now that I’m paying the legal fees off by the end of this month that I’m sort of officially zeroing back to mortgage debt and zeroing in terms of saving - obviously, I’m acknowledging the debt with my parents, and I pay them religiously every month as I do with any other bill. There will be a point where I am intending to do 0% for new carpets and flooring as the house is in desperate need of it - not just a want! 

If you got through that, then thanks! I’m looking forward to having this as another level of accountability and hopefully increasing savings potential, whilst balancing having some lovely adventures with my kids.

anjyeah

Welcome! You sound like someone with a good plan as well. We look forward on hearing more of you. And I agree with starting with challenges, I started reading the Sealed Pot Challenge over here at the start of the year and that got me going since. Good luck! 

Allikat86

Thanks @anjyeah! Have had a very productive no spend day mowing the lawn and various other domestic bits. I’m glad to hear that you found that helpful - I agree, there’s something very satisfying about seeing it mount up!

tacpot12

Well done with your progress to date. I know from experience that it can take a long time to get over the financial shock of a divorce. I can see that you are already feeling the benefits of being in control of your finances.

My lightbulb moment was seeing how less stressed my new partner was about money, because she saved for all the predictable expenses that were going to come up over the next 12 months, like Christmas, birthdays, car tax and insurance.  (She also used 0% finance deals sensibly, for absolute essentials like our sofas)
 
I now save for all my predictable expenses, and I also have other savings pots for holidays, vets bills, appliance replacements and home repairs. I had recently cleared £12,000 of debt I had just before meeting my partner, so I was in a position to start saving but had never done so before. 

Please continue to have lovely adventures with your kids. Best wishes

Honeysucklelou2

Hi Allicat86,
Your experiences sound similar to mine - I’ve been a single parent for nearly 5 years and am just getting to the point of getting the consent order sorted...feel the pain on spending vast amounts on legal fees.

The Help to Save is a useful savings tool isn’t’t it? I try to put away the maximum I can and it is encouraging to see it slowly building up.

jokono

Good luck on your journey! It sounds like you have everything under control. 😊

beanielou

Happy shiny new diary 
Keep posting!

Allikat86

Morning all... I’ve been a bit quiet as we had a family funeral on Monday, so I needed to finish up with the last bits of prep for that. It’s been quite an expensive month with everything going on, but I’m on budget for this week. Looking forward to payday at the end of the month and re-starting anew! 

Allikat86

Honeysucklelou2 said:

Hi Allicat86,
Your experiences sound similar to mine - I’ve been a single parent for nearly 5 years and am just getting to the point of getting the consent order sorted...feel the pain on spending vast amounts on legal fees.

The Help to Save is a useful savings tool isn’t’t it? I try to put away the maximum I can and it is encouraging to see it slowly building up.

Mental fist bump - it’s definitely a painful journey! 

Definitely agree RE: help to save. I like that it’s really separate so that there’s no urge to take it out...

Allikat86

tacpot12 said:

Well done with your progress to date. I know from experience that it can take a long time to get over the financial shock of a divorce. I can see that you are already feeling the benefits of being in control of your finances.

My lightbulb moment was seeing how less stressed my new partner was about money, because she saved for all the predictable expenses that were going to come up over the next 12 months, like Christmas, birthdays, car tax and insurance.  (She also used 0% finance deals sensibly, for absolute essentials like our sofas)
 
I now save for all my predictable expenses, and I also have other savings pots for holidays, vets bills, appliance replacements and home repairs. I had recently cleared £12,000 of debt I had just before meeting my partner, so I was in a position to start saving but had never done so before. 

Please continue to have lovely adventures with your kids. Best wishes

Sounds similar to my plan! I’d be unrealistic to think that I would never use credit again, but I feel very aware of my budgeting now so I think that 0% is fine, as I wouldn’t overstretch myself for affordability with payments...

Allikat86

Can I ask if anyone has any recommendation for ‘savings pots’ apps etc? I currently have a couple of savings accounts attached to my current account - I can have a max of 4. I use one for my eldest’s pocket money - I looked at Go Henry and I’ve been trying to weigh up whether it’s worth the £3 a month so that she can access it, and then I have a spare account that I can use. I suppose that it’s only 75p a week if I think about it...