Neighbour making noise to stop us using garden - what level is unacceptable?

Rosa_Damascena

Gavin83 said:

I actually think keeping a diary, reporting it to the police/council etc is utterly pointless. People are entitled to enjoy music in their gardens and proving they’re doing it just to annoy you will be near impossible. They’re unlikely to admit it either.

If you genuinely believe they’re doing it to annoy you I doubt talking to them will help either. Once again they’re unlikely to admit it and they’ll know they’re getting to you.

In your position next time you see them I’d say hello and mention how much you’re enjoying listening to their music while sitting in the garden. Add something about how you really love that genre/band. If they believe you’re enjoying it they’ll hardly carry on if they are doing it to annoy you. Of course this might backfire if they aren’t doing it to annoy you!

You're back!

Am heading your way a bit later today, am on the hunt for home fittings.

Jeepers_Creepers

Supersonos said:

Jonathan_Powell said:

I'm just shocked people can be so petty. How much effort do you have to put in in turning on your music every time you HEAR someone in their garden? The fact that you are not listening to it in the first place shows is just even more pathetic. 

Totally.  And the fact they don't normally have music on means they're ruining their own enjoyment of their garden at the same time.  It's baffling.

Sadly, I don't think it is baffling.

Apologies for repeating what I've said a few times before, but there are two types of folk.

One has a warped sense of entitlement, zero empathy, lack of self-awareness, and a need for feeling wrong-done by - an innate, cynical, self-pity. They seek to feed this with such behaviour.

It's why the country should never be allowed referendums, for a start.

(Only kidding about the 'apology' - I love repeating it   )

twopenny

You could look at it another way.

If it's giving them pleasure to play Nah-nah-ne-nah-nah we'll make you go in well you are giving some people pleasure so that's an achievement.

But also if they don't normally have the music on then they are using control of you to their detriment so for that scenario I'd be inclined to plug myself in to my own music with noise cancelling earphones and be in the garden for some length of time then go in and come out again. A few goes at this and they may change their point of view.

Think outside the box. When I had the neighbouring school put boys playtime next to my garden then gave them rugby & foot balls which they kicked as high as they could landing and damaging my garden. My request to the school to desist was that I shouldn't live next to a school (it had been 50ys! )

So instead I collected the footballs and took them at intervals, one at a time to the reception who then had to thank me, had the object cluttering the office and then ring round to find the owner.

Matter solved in one week with pleasantness on both sides.

Rosa_Damascena

Jeepers_Creepers said:

Supersonos said:

Jonathan_Powell said:

I'm just shocked people can be so petty. How much effort do you have to put in in turning on your music every time you HEAR someone in their garden? The fact that you are not listening to it in the first place shows is just even more pathetic. 

Totally.  And the fact they don't normally have music on means they're ruining their own enjoyment of their garden at the same time.  It's baffling.

Sadly, I don't think it is baffling.

Apologies for repeating what I've said a few times before, but there are two types of folk.

One has a warped sense of entitlement, zero empathy, lack of self-awareness, and a need for feeling wrong-done by - an innate, cynical, self-pity. They seek to feed this with such behaviour.

It's why the country should never be allowed referendums, for a start.

(Only kidding about the 'apology' - I love repeating it   )

Why do we even need elections? Let the autocratic junta tell us what's good for us, then we can concentrate on tilling the land with our blood and sweat.

PunishTheBunny

Keep a diary over several weeks, noting when music is on, and where you are at the time. That will confirm persecution or otherwise. Sounds like there’s nothing you can do, but once you have the diary, you could ask them why they are doing it. Be polite, sound as if you are curious. Or ignore them. My experience with unpleasant people is that they are either unpleasant, not a lot to be done, or they have inner demons and take it out on others. Responding in kind is bad, it justifies their behaviour, in their minds anyway. Best ignored. And they might start to feel guilty. Who knows. 

Anyway, maybe they don’t want you in your garden because you will see that they are walking around their sitting room in gimp costumes. Keep that image in your mind, it’ll make you smile when the music starts. 

Gavin83

Rosa_Damascena said:

Gavin83 said:

I actually think keeping a diary, reporting it to the police/council etc is utterly pointless. People are entitled to enjoy music in their gardens and proving they’re doing it just to annoy you will be near impossible. They’re unlikely to admit it either.

If you genuinely believe they’re doing it to annoy you I doubt talking to them will help either. Once again they’re unlikely to admit it and they’ll know they’re getting to you.

In your position next time you see them I’d say hello and mention how much you’re enjoying listening to their music while sitting in the garden. Add something about how you really love that genre/band. If they believe you’re enjoying it they’ll hardly carry on if they are doing it to annoy you. Of course this might backfire if they aren’t doing it to annoy you!

You're back!

Am heading your way a bit later today, am on the hunt for home fittings.

I am! I left for a bit after Discussion Time closed but I couldn’t keep away. Did you miss me?

Anyway, it won’t be my way much longer, just had an offer accepted on a house in Ely. Exciting times but lots to do!

Jeepers_Creepers

PunishTheBunny said:

Keep a diary over several weeks, noting when music is on, and where you are at the time. That will confirm persecution or otherwise. Sounds like there’s nothing you can do, but once you have the diary, you could ask them why they are doing it. Be polite, sound as if you are curious. Or ignore them. My experience with unpleasant people is that they are either unpleasant, not a lot to be done, or they have inner demons and take it out on others. Responding in kind is bad, it justifies their behaviour, in their minds anyway. Best ignored. And they might start to feel guilty. Who knows. 

Anyway, maybe they don’t want you in your garden because you will see that they are walking around their sitting room in gimp costumes. Keep that image in your mind, it’ll make you smile when the music starts. 

Good approach.

Accumulate evidence until you are pretty certain what's going on either way - deliberate or just thoughtlessness.

The approach should be just as you describe - calm, almost bemused, 'curious'. If you can have a witness to this approach, it'll almost certainly help, especially if it's someone else outside your household - another neighbour, for example. I don't mean that they stand there by your side, but are present and clearly within earshot - it's amazing how this can change behaviour; they don't want other folk to witness their unreasonable behaviour.

Lizbetty

In our experience of this, the council and police will try and assist but this can cause stress if you decide to move and have to declare any issues. Luckily our issues stopped when the son moved out and so we declared it to the solicitor when we moved knowing it wasn't a problem any longer.

I think killing them with kindness is a great idea, if you do go round for a friendly chat they might realise how ridiculous they're being and stop it. 

I really hope you do manage to get it sorted, I know how miserable it can be. Best of luck.  

Davesnave

It's about control, so whatever strategies you use to cope or deal with this, they should show you will not be controlled. It's possible to do that and remain friendly, or at least civil and unmoved.

As we used to say in teaching, "Don't give the burgers what they want!" which is always you going into some kind of meltdown.

Oldernowiser

Taking a different angle here:  I looked back on OP's previous posts, and noticed one regarding BBQ. Do you now use your bbq in the  back garden? Some folks (ahem...) Don't care for the smell? 
Definitely worth asking neighbour carefully (ie don't back them into a corner with  accusation). Failing that, as someone has already said, noise cancelling  headphones - discrete ones, or to emphasise use, massive ones (useful if one does have Big Ears ...  Is that  what Supersonos means?). Good luck