Ex partner buying house

Stan29101

Hi there,

Over the last year there has been an ongoing problem with trying to arrange for my boyfriends ex partner to buy him out. It took a while to agree a solution as she changes her mind a lot. It was agreed she would buy him out and she instructed the bank and a solicitor and has started the process.

However, the problem is this....she changes her mind and lot and isn’t always honest. She has mental health issues which are genuine (and of course we fully sympathise) but she often plays on this and uses it as power...how do you push someone to progress the sale when they use mental health as an excuse not to? 

We have of course taken a gentle approach and made sure she has had support - I don’t doubt she has problems but she does manipulate this at times to her advantage. It’s a lot of pressure on everyone and there is no rush but it would be nice to draw a line under it all. Support can still be given but the house issue is preventing us from moving forward which affects our relationship and it’s hard when she dangles the carrot of sorting the house in order to get her way (him visiting her and various other things).

Not sure what advice I’m after, it feels like there’s nothing we can do but wait and hope it does get sorted eventually.

[Deleted User]

Stan29101 said:

Hi there,

Over the last year there has been an ongoing problem with trying to arrange for my boyfriends ex partner to buy him out. It took a while to agree a solution as she changes her mind a lot. It was agreed she would buy him out and she instructed the bank and a solicitor and has started the process.

However, the problem is this....she changes her mind and lot and isn’t always honest. She has mental health issues which are genuine (and of course we fully sympathise) but she often plays on this and uses it as power...how do you push someone to progress the sale when they use mental health as an excuse not to? 

We have of course taken a gentle approach and made sure she has had support - I don’t doubt she has problems but she does manipulate this at times to her advantage. It’s a lot of pressure on everyone and there is no rush but it would be nice to draw a line under it all. Support can still be given but the house issue is preventing us from moving forward which affects our relationship and it’s hard when she dangles the carrot of sorting the house in order to get her way (him visiting her and various other things).

Not sure what advice I’m after, it feels like there’s nothing we can do but wait and hope it does get sorted eventually.

Perhaps your boyfriend needs to stop with the gentle approach and get a bit firmer. It could be time to start the ball rolling with forcing the sale of the property. It’s not a quick process and he doesn’t want to be one of those people who years down the line can’t move forward with his life because he’s still tethered to an ex because of a property. 

getmore4less

That was my though it has dragged on long enough, buy us out by the end of the month  or its going up for sale.

There is the other option if affordable that you buy the the ex out. with a put up or shut up option.

You may not want the place but if you want to move forward something has to change from the stalemate dragging the heels approach which has worked fine for the ex .for a year.

kazwookie

Put the property on the open market.

Stan29101

They had it valued last year with a view to selling but then she decided she wanted to buy him out. He can’t afford to buy her out (unless I sold my house and we did it together but it would also mean moving over 2 hours away which isn’t really an option). She also doesn’t know I exist...as she would definitely make it more difficult if she knew he was happy with someone else (though I am reassured she doesn’t want him back - and I believe it)

I think he does need to be more firm, but he’s just worried she will take offence and make it even more difficult and slower.

davilown

Give her a deadline to to buy the property or a forced sale. Will cost some money to do but would be a clean break for both of them.