Brain tumor diagnosis, what am I missing?

Teapot55

Do ensure that financial paperwork is filed away logically in case your wife needs to access it. Make sure any usb sticks that you use for records are accessible but also in a safe place. Likewise, any notebooks you may use. 

Sorry to hear. In my own very recent personal experience, the NHS are incredibly & quietly efficient. I was staggered at how they step up when there’s a clinical need. 

Spendless

I'm another one who had a benign brain  tumour treated 19 years ago. Couldn't be removed without making me completely deaf on one side, so went for treatment option. It's just left me with impaired hearing on one side. It also affects balance but not enough for me to ever notice in day to day life.  Set things up by all means, but you do need to know what your diagnosis is and any treatment options are before you carry out every step.  For me I had a 2 year old at the time so I only remember my focus being on how I could manage him whilst I recovered and I don't remember there being any major issues unlike the carpal tunnel op I'd had 7 months earlier

dawnybabes

My young DH has recently passed away from cancer.  We thought he’d more time - passwords, please start writing them down along with all documents where paperwork is. 

Agree re notebooks, take them with you and write stuff down you can refer to it afterwards.  Don’t google ! A lot is out of date and can / will petrify you. 

Good luck. 

MovingForwards

As said a POA is a separate document to your will.

Please make sure you and your wife have wills as that covers who will look after the kids if anything happens to both of you. By sorting it now, it's one less thing your wife may have to deal with if things don't work out for you.

With the house, it just makes it easier to automatically pass over to your wife. However depending on her income, how long she's been freelance and your income etc it may / may not be possible to remortgage into joint names or add her. Worth a quick look at a few lenders mortgage calculators and have a chat with a broker to get it done for you.

Start creating more memories for your wife and kids. Day trips, picnics and other cheap and cheerful things every few weeks, do it under the guise of the weather's picking up and it's been a strange year due to the pandemic etc. Take a few photos and get them printed, even if it's using your phone camera.

Get a couple of diaries or decent note books. Start writing hints and tips for the kids that they can refer to as they grow up. Anything and everything from playing with toys, jigsaws and other things, up through the hormonal teenage years, birds and the bees, dating, getting married / living with a partner but keep it neutral and not refer to them being with the opposite sex. Practical things like learning to drive, what to look for when buying a car, how to do oil changes, tyre pressure. Your favourite recipes and those passed to you by your parents / grandparents and what they are / were like. How to read meters, switch off electric / gas / water in an emergency. Putting up shelves and other DIY bits. Saving money, bank accounts, pensions. Basically anything you're in to or know, pass that knowledge on. Tell stories from your own experiences as these could be your voice. Don't forget the really dodgy naff dad jokes!

Who knows when they get to 18 or whatever you hand them over and say you prepared for the worst, but it wasn't that, everything is looking good then do the naff dad dance 😉

Savvy_Sue

Ah children! I haven't often 'fessed up to this, but I went to Build A Bear, and recorded a message in case I didn't make it. The Bear is still sitting in the bedroom, but I'm not sure I could bear to listen to see if the message is still there. 

I also bought them each a small stuffed animal. The older two didn't really appreciate this At All: they were grunting teens. I can't remember what the toy was to know whether the youngest cherished it. He was not quite a grunting teen at the time, and was always more cuddly than the other two. 

When you KNOW what might happen when (or start to have an inkling), think about what's happening at home then. When I finally had my surgery (long story), DS1 was in London on a school trip; DS2 was on work experience; DS3 had Activities Week and was sailing. I felt this was a Good Thing, because they'd all be distracted, but it did need a bit of pre-planning.

So, not a lot to be done for DS1; worked through the route to work experience (on strange buses) for DS2; taught DS3 to use the washing machine, and made it VERY clear to him that he WOULD get wet, and would therefore need to get his kit into the washing machine and deal with it, because if he just left it, it would smell. They were fortunately fairly self sufficient by then: friends from church delivered large quantities of pizza so no-one starved (DS1 would have starved, had he been there, because he didn't eat pizza). 

What I hadn't factored and planned for was the second London bombings - not 07/07 but the episode a couple of weeks later. For the first few days I didn't have a care in the world, and heard no news. The first day I listened to news was the day there were more bombs. In London. In order to try to phone DS1 I'd have had to leave the ward, which required a very long walk (for someone who'd just had brain surgery), so I waited for DH's visit. No, he hadn't heard from DS1. No, he hadn't tried to phone him. DH assumed that if there was a problem, we'd hear soon enough. 

He was, of course, absolutely fine, but I discovered later that his friends had given me an award for the least caring Mum (this was given with a certain amount of affection ...) because even before DS1 and his friends knew there had been an incident, his friends' phones were ringing. From me, nothing! They did know I was slightly incapacitated (aka in hospital having a brain tumour removed), and I think DS1 appreciated the lack of 'fuss'. 

My point is, make plans, but be aware they can all go pear-shaped, you cannot pre-think and pre-plan every eventuality (even if you have spent six months shopping for the contents of the perfect hospital bag).