Divorce situation

awl72

New to this and trying for information before taking it further. Situation is this. After 23 years of marriage I was in the process of divorce proceedings. Covid made things longer than should be. Applied for decree nisi , granted Nov 2020. Tried sorting finances with ex. No joy, refuses to fill in consent order D81 unless I sign it first. I have been told not to sign it without seeing what information she disclosed on them. She's taking it to court cause I won't sign them . Im assuming she's either got a million in the bank or in debt too the same tune but can't be bothered either way. We have an house together, mortgaged although she does not contribute towards payment and has not lived here for 3 years ,and there is not a good line of communication between us, and although I could have applied for absolute in Jan 2021 was advised against it until the financial side was sorted. Anyway, after the 3 months after I could have applied she had the right to so she applied for and was granted the absolute by the court, without a consent order in place. Does this now mean I can't buy her out her share of the house and it needs to be sold, do I have to pay capital gains tax or other penalties. I know she won't pay these and is only interested in half. All the info I can find suggests getting the financials done before the absolute is granted, although it can be done after if needed. Just wonder where I stand after it all. Thanks 

[Deleted User]

Are you generally on a Court route or mediation?  If no agreement is made then Court is the logical step then and presume she's been advised to do that?  Or is it a threat and she's not consulted a solicitor but is hoping to cow you into it.  In which case your solicitor replies and points out the law.  If it goes to Court and it's wrong the Court will reject it and order her to disclose.   If you've been told not to sign then you shouldn't.  I would attend the hearing in person and stand my solicitor down as you will pay costs if you are right about what's actually happening.  It should be a fairly open and shut hearing or mediation.  Both sides have to fill in their forms and 'exchange' so there should be no surprises - do you have your form E and a copy of hers?  Finances really should have been sorted out before Absolute if possible.   There are two strands in your particular divorce - the divorce and finances.  Both are technically separate and can be dealt with separately but as they are all usually dealt with at the same time it can become difficult to separate them.  Very few solicitors would agree to go for the Absolute without the finances being sorted so a little surprising.  If a court  will decide the finances and a court orders her to pay a cost then she has to pay it.   However, generally in my experience it's usually the woman who stays in the house after the divorce and the house is then sold say 10 or 15 years later when the children are grown.  Usually the other party pays nothing towards the costs of sale so I think it unlikely, especially as its only 3 years that she would pay anything on the costs there.  Some taxes obviously depend on the amount you get but that's her problem not yours.  No reason why you can't buy her out (3 quotes generally) and if the court is happy it should make it cheaper and easier if do that anyway.  

awl72

Hi. It had not got too the court bit yet. We had an agreement which was verbal. She asked for it in writing so I had a consent order drafted up as part of the D81 with the offer in writing. This is the stumbling block as she will not fill in the D81 to disclose her info unless I sign it.  I won't sign it cause she's dishonest and theres more to that story not going into. If I do sign it she would send it off without me seeing what's been added etc.  do not think she has a solicitor in all honesty and is blagging. I've asked loads for her solicitors details but she refuses that.  Looks like the verbal agreement is out the window now anyway so court it will have to be. 

sassyblue

Beremy said:

  However, generally in my experience it's usually the woman who stays in the house after the divorce and the house is then sold say 10 or 15 years later when the children are grown.  

This is not the norm although a lot of people think it is. It depends on the circumstances of both parties.

OP divorce is usually a game of bluff and double bluff, so tell your wife if she wants to waste her time and money going through Court she can. As Beremy says she will have to complete a 28 page statement called a Form E detailing her finances so you get her financial information then.  Furthermore, Mediation has to be attended first and if that’s her attitude at mediation the mediator ought to tell her she’s being an idiot.

TBagpuss

awl72 said:

New to this and trying for information before taking it further. Situation is this. After 23 years of marriage I was in the process of divorce proceedings. Covid made things longer than should be. Applied for decree nisi , granted Nov 2020. Tried sorting finances with ex. No joy, refuses to fill in consent order D81 unless I sign it first. I have been told not to sign it without seeing what information she disclosed on them. She's taking it to court cause I won't sign them . Im assuming she's either got a million in the bank or in debt too the same tune but can't be bothered either way. We have an house together, mortgaged although she does not contribute towards payment and has not lived here for 3 years ,and there is not a good line of communication between us, and although I could have applied for absolute in Jan 2021 was advised against it until the financial side was sorted. Anyway, after the 3 months after I could have applied she had the right to so she applied for and was granted the absolute by the court, without a consent order in place. Does this now mean I can't buy her out her share of the house and it needs to be sold, do I have to pay capital gains tax or other penalties. I know she won't pay these and is only interested in half. All the info I can find suggests getting the financials done before the absolute is granted, although it can be done after if needed. Just wonder where I stand after it all. Thanks 

No, it doesn't mean you can't buy her out and makes no difference to CGT.

If you have agreed everything then normally what you would do is sign the Statement of Truth of the D81, confirming that your information is correct, let her complete her parts and sign her Statement of Truth then sign the form the second time to confirm that you've seen her fully completed D81.

Another option is for you to each send the other a completed but unsigned d81, so you have each seen a fully completed form, for you to then fill your details in on the unsigned copy she has sent you with her details filled n, and to sign that, and then for her to sign. That way, you can genuinely sign to say you've seen a fully completed form. Send her yours first if she wants, there is no reason not to. 

Then pass it on to her and to ask her to then send you back a copy once she has signed, for you to send on to the court. 

the form is there to ensure that you both know what assets the other person has before coming to an agreement - if you've agreed thing, presumably you do know.

awl72

Hi. Yes. Tried that option. She has my completed D81 that I have filled in. And a blank one I sent before. She just simply refuses to fill it in and just wants me to sign it then let her fill it in which isn't happening . And round in circles we go. She must be hiding that million pound im sure she hasn't got lol. Ill just have to wait for something from her solicitor . If she wants a payout it needs to be done. Not hard to understand really. Just curious as to why the courts allowed the absolute without the financials in place too when it did state part of a financial order etc. Its the whole transfer of deeds ,land registry change etc that I'm more concerned about. Great that I've got an absolute. Might just say marriage as ended. !!!!!! off lol. I know she's entitled to everything I ever had though lol . 

Markneath

The mediation rule is a joke, my ex turned up to the initial meeting where the other side doesn't attend (it’s basically an introduction) and stated she didn’t wan’t to try mediation but from the courts point of view she had given mediation  a go!

sassyblue

Markneath said:

The mediation rule is a joke, my ex turned up to the initial meeting where the other side doesn't attend (it’s basically an introduction) and stated she didn’t wan’t to try mediation but from the courts point of view she had given mediation  a go!

It’s a technical point of view isn’t it? She had had mediation offered to her but decided not to pursue it. I wouldn’t let the court's view bother me.

awl72

New in. The court have rescinded the decree absolute . We do need to sort the financials prior to the absolute being decreed. Back to trying to sort it the way it should have been. And round in circles we go. Thanks for the advice given. All I have to do is get the oh to fill in that form or mediation it is 

sassyblue

well she isn’t going to get her way so I hope she does what she's supposed to do now!  Good luck.