Convincing The Other Half To Have A Cheap Wedding?

Legacy_user

We have been engaged for about 10 years and still not got married. I would get married tomorrow in a reg office but my other half wants the big church wedding with all the trimmings which I nor her can afford, she wants this as all her family friends have had this, the difference being they have all good credit ratings and high paid jobs, she is a checkout assistant and I am a min wage worker and we both have defaults so it isn't going to happen.So whats the best plan of attack or we will never get married

Gale_10

Organize the whole thing then get her to turn up on the day! If she loves you and sees all the trouble you have been to, she will be totally bowled over.

Gale

System

Gale_10 wrote: »

Organize the whole thing then get her to turn up on the day! If she loves you and sees all the trouble you have been to, she will be totally bowled over.

Gale

U think? I had though of that, just go to the reg office then out for a meal or something

FriendlyJ

Could you not convince her to go away & get married in one of the bigger reg offices where someone famous has got married - you could then come back & have a big party for family & friends in your wedding outfits or if you can't afford a big dress etc (I hired my dress for about £90) then make it fancy dress & hire outfits.
A wedding in a reg office nowadays can be as big/grand or small/intimate as you like.
J

Chollita

Ask her what matters more: GETTING married, or BEING married? Is it more important to her to keep up with her friends, or to make a commitment to the man she loves?

I never could see the point of blowing tens of thousands of pounds on one day ... and can she be sure that her friends spent money they could afford on their weddings?

FriendlyJ

You will have to tell her that you have arranged the wedding as you will both have to attend your local Reg office to give your notice of your intention to marry. It is a legal requirement in this country that you have to give notice of marriage at least 15 days before you want to actually marry. Your notice lasts for a year. A register office marriage costs £30.00 each on the day you give notice & then £43.50 on the day of your marriage (£40.00 for the ceremony & £3.50 for the certificate)
J

Nenen

Someone had a wonderful thread about doing a retro black/white themed wedding very cheaply.

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=474408&highlight=black+white+wedding

I wonder if your fiance feels that if she doesn't have the full big white 'do' then she's not valued enough to have a 'special' day. Either that or she's had the dream of the full white merringue since being a little girl (a common dream) and it means a lot to her to fulfill this with the man she loves.

My feeling would be that cheap doesn't have to mean it is not special! I can totally understand anyone who wants to feel their wedding day is really memorable and special... for me that wouldn't mean going down the registry office and then for a meal... but each to his/her own. I had a lovely white wedding and felt like a princess for the day (the only day in my life I have ever felt really beautiful) and wouldn't have had it any other way. However, everything was done cheaply with friends chipping in and everything either home-made or bought second hand. The fact that we've been married for 26 years now (and still madly in love) whereas many of our friends who had FAR more expensive weddings divorced years ago shows that the amount of money spent on the day is not the important thing!

I'm sure if you put your mind to it you could come up with a way of making it really romantic and special so that your fiance felt really good about the idea and not like she was getting something second best or wasn't worth making a fuss over. It certainly isn't worth getting into more debt over!

Lillibet_2

Well, to start with I'd suggest avoiding the word cheap!:rotfl:No girl wants to feel her wedding is cheap, or on a budget, or anything less than unique & perfect!

Could she be swayed to have a stylish wedding (think minimalist but say stylish!) which would stand out from all her freinds weddings, rather than just blend in & be the same? Would she consider having her wedding & honeymoon all in one & getting marreid abroad, then any friends & family who want to come pay for themselves and you just pick up the honeymoon tab plus a couple of hundred for the legal formalities?

On the other hand, she has been dreaming of a big lavish wedding all her life? Becuase if so, crushing that dream could take a lot of guts & will power on both your parts and you need to understand what she would be giving up (yes, we know being married is more important than the wedding, but that dream sometimes still persists........:rolleyes:).

Finally how much are you saving towards your wedding? If you have been engaged for 10 years then even £5 a week would give you £2.6K now, if you have both been saving the same then £5.2k which would go a very long way torwards some sort of nice wedding. If you haven't been saving for it then you need to think how you can afford any wedding, even a cheap on, if your fiancee can be talked around.

Good luck;)

mattogier

Could you ask all her "rich" friends to help you give her the wedding she wants- instead of presents 'cos no doubt you have all you need in that dept?

You could do the wedding list itemising everything you/she wants and if no one buys that then it don't happen.

After all you only get married twice or thrice in this life (Sorry that should be once shouldn't it) so it's worth it.

suki1964

You know I had a fantastic wedding which came to less then a grand.

Like yourselves we had been together a long time (13 years) and it seemed a complete waste of money having the church wedding with the sit down meal for family we rarely saw. So we booked the registry office, and had a wedding "lunch" in our garden for our closest friends and family (about 40 all in) It was June and we were lucky with the weather, we borrowed chairs and tables from where ever, Covered with white table cloths (borrowed) decorated the garden with helium balloons (DIY from ebay) huge big ribbons (ebay). Hired cutlery and crockery, bought cheapo glasses from Tescos basics and done a lot of the food ourselves and bought in some from Waitrose. Sister made my cake as our wedding pressie and cos it was "lunch" we only served Wine, soft drinks and lagers. My dress/shoes etc cost around 150 and hubby got a new shirt and tie, cleaned his suit and polished his best black shoes Oh Button holes and bouquet - false (still have them) from ebay. Music was mixed on the computer, cars were friends and families. photos were those taken by our friends.

For a reception I was thinking would be over by 5pm (1 oclock wedding) it was still going strong at 1am, everybody was having such a good time no one wanted to leave

And for me thats what it was all about, sealing our relationship with just our special people to share with us. Not the piccies in the paper or to feed the gossip mongers for a month of Sundays wondering how much we paid for this that or the other, or complaining that the food wasn't to their liking

haylibo

Definitely ask for help. Get a book or internet list of everything you need and go around asking who can contribute what. Get ideas from those around you and I bet they'll be delighted to play a part. Mostly for weddings you get and invite, turn up with a pressie, eat, drink and boogy and all done but I would love to be asked to play a part in the preparations and have more of an important role than simply 'cameo guest' lol. I bet that if you go around everyone you'll get their offers of help, then you can go to your lady with a ready plan which also shows all the support you guys have from your nearest and dearest (or that's the idea). Good luck and hope you get there:) Hayles