My Mother

butterflylady

I want to cut my mother off, wipe my hands and be done with her. However by doing so at this point in time, I will put us in £2000 worth of debt. Is it mercenary to wait till that is paid and then walk away? 

To give you a brief history, I wasn’t born a boy so have been a disappointment since day 1. Her needs have always been put first, example leaving me at 9 with my violent dad (brain injury) while sleeping with the next door neighbour. 

As an adult I have 2 children with my violent ex, who over time has manipulated my oldest daughter, into thinking I will get back with her dad if I split up with my husband. He cld be the last man on earth and I would never go back. Plus lots of other parental alienation. 

My mother knows the history but yet again tonight, when my ex has turned up with my eldest 2, rather than telling him to do one and that Easter is covered with an a family meal on Sunday. She has instead played nice again and then got upset when I have said she should have told him to F off. Not in front of the kids, but a message telling him he isn’t welcome would be ideal.

I am even more resentful than normal at the minute as I have had to take a massive £10k pay cut due to physically not being able to cope with the chronic pain, caused by injuries inflicted by my ex. So as a family we are struggling and my career is over at 40. 

The £2k relates to building work she’s offered to pay for, which have now been completed but not paid for. 

Anyone’s rationale thoughts would be great. 

CookieMonster

butterflylady said:

I want to cut my mother off, wipe my hands and be done with her. However by doing so at this point in time, I will put us in £2000 worth of debt. Is it mercenary to wait till that is paid and then walk away? .....

I am even more resentful than normal at the minute ....

Yes, it is mercenary. You know this, which is why you're asking the question.

If you're making a decision when you are 'emotionally compromised', that may not be a good decision.
Try to wait until you're less upset before making a major decision such as this.
Even if you do decide to cut off your mother, it'll be a decision made with a clearer, more rational mind.

justworriedabit

OP, sorry about what has happened to you.
Yes, it would be wrong to take the money as you have already decided.
To "wipe" her out of your life may be easier said than done especially if you live close to each other or lets say something happened to her or you soon after you cut her off.
IMHO, any decision you make will be very hard and you will have some regrets with either decision.
Feeling like you do ATM, IMO sleep on it and see.
Good luck.

sammyjammy

Building work on your property that she offered to pay for?  OK..... if you don't want her in your life then why would you want her to pay for things for you?

MovingForwards

Can you get a bank loan to pay for the work? Then you won't have the reminder of her money originally funding it.

As for cutting her out your life that's a personal decision, one which many of us have had to think about and only some of us do. Don't get drawn in to the old argument about her being your mom, carried you for 9 months and raised you as a kid etc, that was her decision or not in your case.

wannabe_a_saver

If your mother had told your ex he wasn't welcome do you not think that your 2 children would have got the message that they weren't welcome either?

sassyblue

From what you've described I think you’re more angry with life at the moment, I can’t see why your mum should take the brunt, she offered you a lifeline with the money.  As the other person suggested, wait until you've calmed down.