How would finances be split?

freda

I’ll be as succinct as possible. I’m trying to get a feeling for how far up sh*t creek without a paddle I’ve left myself if my husband and I divorce. I see (now) how vulnerable I’ve made myself by choosing to be a sahm, topping up dh’s pensions instead of mine as you get more tax relief, and removing myself from the ‘proper’ job market for so many years that I’m not particularly employable.

summary:

me: sahm with pt self employed income of c.£12500 pa. I work about 16 hours per week term time only, to fit around the children. I am very well qualified academically but have been out of the job market for 13+ years so am not even shortlisted for min wage admin jobs.
dh: works full time, incom £100000+ pa. plus sometimes large bonus and share options every quarter or so. But, has history for jacking it all in at stressful times.
House worth c.£700k, outstanding mortgage c200k. No other debts.
savings - me c.£10000. Him c. £95000
pensions - me c.£26000. Him c.£100000
no other assets, the car is ancient.
We are ages 44 and 45. Two kids, one that I get dla (£330 every 4 weeks) for. Both secondary pre gcse age.
SEN child likely to spend few days/nights with father as they don’t get on. Daughter would be happy with eow or 3/4 weekends a month.


Can anyone give me an example of what they ended up with, or what the options would be to enable me to house my children till they are adults?

thank you.

sassyblue

You have a good grasp of your assets so if you were to work out what 60% of that is worth is that do-able? The starting point in any divorce is 50/50 but the children’s primary carer (and I assume that will be you after the split) should end up with more.

This is just a quick off the cuff answer. Some end up with 70%+ but only you know what your husband is like and how much he will resist. It’s not just cold, hard cash you want, you need to make sure you have provision for your old age, whether that’s by pension or by purchasing a property you could later downsize from and release equity.

Savvy_Sue

How far up that creek you'll be may be heavily influenced by how good your solicitor is, especially compared to his. 

If that's the way you see things going, find yours first. Talk to your divorced friends / mums at the school gate and ask for recommendations. 

burlingtonfl6

freda said:

I’ll be as succinct as possible. I’m trying to get a feeling for how far up sh*t creek without a paddle I’ve left myself if my husband and I divorce. I see (now) how vulnerable I’ve made myself by choosing to be a sahm, topping up dh’s pensions instead of mine as you get more tax relief, and removing myself from the ‘proper’ job market for so many years that I’m not particularly employable.

summary:

me: sahm with pt self employed income of c.£12500 pa. I work about 16 hours per week term time only, to fit around the children. I am very well qualified academically but have been out of the job market for 13+ years so am not even shortlisted for min wage admin jobs.
dh: works full time, incom £100000+ pa. plus sometimes large bonus and share options every quarter or so. But, has history for jacking it all in at stressful times.
House worth c.£700k, outstanding mortgage c200k. No other debts.
savings - me c.£10000. Him c. £95000
pensions - me c.£26000. Him c.£100000
no other assets, the car is ancient.
We are ages 44 and 45. Two kids, one that I get dla (£330 every 4 weeks) for. Both secondary pre gcse age.
SEN child likely to spend few days/nights with father as they don’t get on. Daughter would be happy with eow or 3/4 weekends a month.


Can anyone give me an example of what they ended up with, or what the options would be to enable me to house my children till they are adults?

thank you.

You've made the right choice. A job should never come in front of being a mother. SAHM are worth more to society than a career women.
You've had 13 years looking after your children, your husband has paid the majority of the bills and took care of you all and you are in line to walk away with a few hundred grand.
If you had worked all the 13 years and put you children in care as a single parent you probably wouldn't have anywhere near that saved up.
So financially and also in regards to your children, you made the right decision

TBagpuss

freda said:

I’ll be as succinct as possible. I’m trying to get a feeling for how far up sh*t creek without a paddle I’ve left myself if my husband and I divorce. I see (now) how vulnerable I’ve made myself by choosing to be a sahm, topping up dh’s pensions instead of mine as you get more tax relief, and removing myself from the ‘proper’ job market for so many years that I’m not particularly employable.

summary:

me: sahm with pt self employed income of c.£12500 pa. I work about 16 hours per week term time only, to fit around the children. I am very well qualified academically but have been out of the job market for 13+ years so am not even shortlisted for min wage admin jobs.
dh: works full time, income £100000+ pa. plus sometimes large bonus and share options every quarter or so. But, has history for jacking it all in at stressful times.
House worth c.£700k, outstanding mortgage c200k. No other debts.
savings - me c.£10000. Him c. £95000
pensions - me c.£26000. Him c.£100000
no other assets, the car is ancient.
We are ages 44 and 45. Two kids, one that I get dla (£330 every 4 weeks) for. Both secondary pre gcse age.
SEN child likely to spend few days/nights with father as they don’t get on. Daughter would be happy with eow or 3/4 weekends a month.


Can anyone give me an example of what they ended up with, or what the options would be to enable me to house my children till they are adults?

thank you.

IF a court was deciding it, they have to try to come up with something which is fair to you both, and lets both of you meet your reasonable needs.
Housing need and mortgage capacity are going to be important.
So - with 2 children, your reasonable needs are for a 3 bed property. What will that cost in your area? It looks as though the available capital (equity plus savings) is in the region of £605,000.

With your income, your mortgage capacity is going to be pretty small, on £100,000 his is going to be pretty high, so a split of the capital which lets you buy outright and leaves him with a deposit for a similar property may make sense.

Depending on your SEN child's needs, it may be reasonable for you to be looking to increase your working hours; the courts prefer to avoid any long term spousal maintenance but in some cases short term maintenance to allow time to adjust, can be relevant. 

The normal starting point is 50/50 which would include the pensions, however, as there is such as huge difference between your incomes and realistic earning capacities, yours is a case where a significant inequality in capital (in your favour) is likely to be fair, or a more even split with some ongoing maintenance.

IF he has share options don't forget to take those into account in looking at capital. 

Given what you say about your ex's habits you may feel it's safer to look for a claen break rather than maintenance which could disappear if he gives up his job.