WHY are you old style?......

needmoney

I have leather settees which are secondhand (although only 4 months old I got them for a third of the price they cost originally).

catkins being nosey if you don't mind, how did you find them, newspapaer ad/shop/ebay

rosy

I've enjoyed reading all the replies on this thread. It has made me wonder though; there are huge benefits to doing everything OS but maybe for some there are hidden costs?

I have not had a permanent job since before I had my first child ( who is now off to uni ) - just done cover work here and there. We have always lived off one income and extra money from whatever work I have done has always been saved. I enjoy cooking, making my own curtains, landscaping the garden, decorating etc. and I feel I add extra quality to the rest of the family's lives as they can concentrate on work/school and relax at the end of the day as I have covered the housework, the planning, the finances and all the associated hundred and one things that need to be done to run a home.

I still feel extremely guilty though. It probably stems from the feeling that I have somehow underachieved. I don't think it's really the loss of what would be a very decent second income ( or even what would have been a very, very good first income if I had fulfilled my potential in the workplace). Like most of you posting here material things mean very little in the grand scheme of things and what you have not had you don't miss.

I have a good degree and a professional qualification which I haven't used to the full ( to be quite honest, I shouldn't have gone into the field I chose and have never truly enjoy my paid work ). Sometimes I feel as if by staying at home I have taken the easy way out, though it has been very hard work - I put as much planning/organisation/effort into the house as I would if I was doing work in a promoted post. I don't really regret giving up the time for the children, but obviously now I am at the bottom of a career ladder and it's a bit late in the day to retrain for another profession ( especially having to fund two children through university at the same time). It is a bit depressing meeting ex-school friends who did much less well than me academically but who now have eclipsed me on a grand scale on the career front. Perhaps it's also because very few now seem to think looking after home and family is a decent "job". The hard work and the skill involved are certainly not universally recognised. Maybe it's the "What do you find to do all day?" comments that get to me and, as was posted earlier, the assumption by everyone that you are always available and will be only too glad to help them out for free. It all belittles the housewife's calling! And probably also because the children are getting a bit old to use them as an excuse for not doing paid work ( though they are getting quality and patient(ish) help with the homework!) I don't know anyone else who is still not back in the workplace when their children are 18 and 16.

Maybe I need to appreciate myself and what I am doing more! I suppose I'm asking for a bit of morale boosting here - someone please restore my self-belief and tell me I've been doing the right job all along!

moggins

rosy - you are doing a worthwhile job! You are doing a fantastic job of training the next generation.

I've often felt looked down upon as I trained as a legal secretary and then worked as a support worker for a domestic violence charity, then I quit and the next time I went to one of DH's work do's I was ignored all night (by women I might add) because I was a SAHM so I know exactly how you feel.

It took a long time after that to remember that the job I was currently doing although unwaged was one of the most worthwhile ones in the world and no one could raise my children with as much love and care as I could no matter how much they were paid, since then there's been a few incidents in nurseries around here that have made me very glad I chose this path including the death of one child at a day nursery.

And didn't they work out once it would cost over £500 per week to employ people to do the work we do?

Chipps

I don't know anyone else who is still not back in the workplace when their children are 18 and 16.
Maybe I need to appreciate myself and what I am doing more! I suppose I'm asking for a bit of morale boosting here - someone please restore my self-belief and tell me I've been doing the right job all along!

Will someone who is not back in the workplace & whose children are 23, 20 & 15 do?
And only one of those lives here now. Admittedly I am home educating him, so I still have an "excuse" for not being out at work for anyone who asks. (What do you do? I'm a home educator. Sounds "official", doesn't it? - lots of people assume I am getting paid for teaching someone else's children)

Seriously though, why should we feel guilty for making a safe and comfortable environment for our families to live in? Why is it okay to be home to look after a 6 mo baby, but not to be there for a 16 yo - who is more likely to face pressures and difficulties which can be helped by having someone there for them?

You have used all your skills and abilities in your chosen career, haven't you? Yes, you could have used them in a paid profession, but would you be as indispensible and valuable to your employer & colleagues as you are for your family? Are you going to be remembered 2 generations down the line in the office? But you will be remembered in your family.

Oh, I do know exactly what you mean. I have had to tell myself all this so many times! I left full time work to have Dd nearly 24 years ago, and although I have done a few part time jobs to help out when finances were desperate, have never really re-entered the workplace.
To be honest, I am not sure I would have time to go out to work... hmmmm, will have to think that one through in a few years maybe????

catkins

Needmoney, to answer your question, I got the leather settees from an ad in my local Tesco. I wasn't intending to get them until later and I was going to look in local paper which always has a lot of ads from people selling stuff but when I was shopping the ad just caught my eye. I was lucky enough to be the first person who rang (apparently about 15 other people rang after me). They are black 3 seater and 2 seater and I got them for £450. They were only 4 months old and had cost £1,600 (the girl showed me the receipt). She had moved in with her boyfriend who already had leather settees so I struck lucky

needmoney

Just my humble opinion but I think all stay at home mothers are BRIILIANT and just incase of offending that's not saying all mothers who work are not brilliant too I know circumstances and choice are involved.

I did work part time and had a business where I was at home when they were at school but if I had to do it over I would not go 'out ' to work.

needmoney

Catkins thanks for reply, that's a brilliant bargain. I have often wanted to buy something but have been too embarassed to go to the house and look incase I didn't like it and just wouldn't know what to say, silly I know.

A relative of mine has a really lovely home and hardly a new thing in it.

black-saturn

I'm old style because my children benefit from an old style diet. Before I started I was giving them processed, ready made food and I found that they were always hyperactive and bad tempered. They have calmed down a lot since I've been doing that.

Ruby_Pudding

I guess I must have wanted to change because I was attracted to MSE in the first place (although I can't remember how now) but I will never forget my first visit to 'Old Style' - I was completely overwhelmed and also pretty intimidated, you people made your own bread and yoghurt for goodness sake!! I could barely make sure I got to Tesco before it closed or cleaned my toilet more than once a week and here I was, reading about you domestic gods and goddesses who did everything perfectly well and within budget too. I decided that I wanted nothing to do with it, after all what did keeping chickens or making my own apron have to do with sorting my huge debts out? Over the next few months I stuck mainly to the 'Debt Free Wannabe' board (lurking only, not brave enough to post) but couldn't help but notice the 'OS' board would get mentioned at least 2/3 times a day on there - posters would talk about exotic things like 'menu planners' or 'shopping budgets' and urge those stuggling to make ends meet to pop over here for advice. I got brave enough to look in once in a while but nothing really sank in - I wasn't a cook so wasn't interested in the recipes, I had more important things to worry about than cleaning so I didn't take any notice of those tips either.

Then one day I read about shower gel and how most of us were paying way over the odds when bath foam would work just as well. I sat up and listened - I had some bath foam and an almost empty bottle of shower gel and I was on my way to the bathroom anyway so what would be the harm in trying it out? And guess what - it actually worked!! My husband didn't notice a thing but I know I'd saved about 80p just doing that and, silly as it sounds, that tiny little act on my part started something.

I sat down and went through all the OS posts (there were only about 140 pages then ) and actually started to listen to what people were saying. It dawned on me that it wasn't that I didn't like cooking but I was scared because I didn't know how to so I started to try out some of the easiest recipes on here - and most of the time they worked :cool: I also realised that I had to clean the house anyway so I may as well listen to the tips being given and started using white vinegar etc. Then as I got a little more organised with the cooking and cleaning I become a little more adventurous with things like buying ingredients and planning what we were going to eat that week and drawing up a baby-steps cleaning rota so I didn't spend every Saturday catching up on what I'd missed doing during the week.

Slowly over the course of about 6 months I went from being someone who had absolutely no interest in domestic affairs whatsoever (bar working 50 hours per week to pay the mortgage) to someone who has done, or attempted to do the (deep breath) following:

baked bread, made a weekly batch of yoghurt, set up a menu planner and cleaning rota, made own butter, cooked 90% of meals from scratch and made enough for packed lunches the next day, made ice cream and sorbet, learnt how to compile a shopping list and actually used it, learnt how to shop locally but to also use the supermarkets well, cut down cleaning products to just a few (can you guess what they might be.....), put a bit aside each month to buy something for the house even if it was just a pot of paint or a new cup and saucer, planted fruit and veg in back yard and then sat back and actually watched it grow and yield some beautiful produce, made an effort to spend 5 minutes a night cleaning up before going to bed so always came downstairs to a clean(ish) house, dealt with paperwork as it arrived and filed it away when finished, began to compile a household manual, switched energy providers, began to save £2 coins, faced up to debts and contacted each creditor to sort out repayments, talked DH into buying a monthly train pass rather than weekly to save money, negotiated with boss to work from home once a week to save on petrol costs, learnt how to make dumplings, made a big batch of soup once a week for packed lunches......there are probably dozens of other little changes I've made along the way too

So, I'd just like to say thank you to that person who posted that tip about shower gel because you gave me a 'way in' to OS and made me face up to my lifestyle and responsibilities. I'm still far from being a domestic goddess - some days it feels like I take 1 step forward and 25 back - but I'm not scared of trying new things or making changes to my routine now like I was.

So, that's how I found my OS self - how did you find yours?

**purpleprincess**

This sounds very similar to me!!!