Siblings changing towards you after purchase

MWT

Joeisaware539 said:

We mortgage free, we are having a lot of work done on the house to extend it. 

... not really sure why you chose this forum to post in...

RetSol

They are envious.  Nothing to do with you.
Reminds me of a family story.  My grandfather was wounded in WWI and, as a consequence, received a war pension.  In the 1930s, the pension enabled him and my grandmother to buy a modest, newly-built 3 bed semi.  There then ensued a rift (eventually healed, I think) between grandad and his brother and sister-in-law who lived in a Victorian terraced house and seem to have felt "left behind".  I knew my great-uncle and, like my grandad, he was a very decent man.  My grandparents were in no way the sort of people to big themselves up, either. I was flabbergasted when my mother told me this story. I would have naively assumed that it would be impossible to begrudge someone who has miraculously survived being hit in the chest by a lump of shrapnel on the Western Front, but it wasn't, apparently - at least not for a while. 

The_Real_Cheddar_Bob

Money or the perception there of can sour the strongest of relationships. It can strengthen others. 

Grumpy_chap

Joeisaware539 said:

Grumpy_chap said:

The OP has got a large house, mortgage free, and having substantial home improvements carried out.
The OP's siblings are struggling to get on the housing ladder.
That is a big difference in outcomes for people with same back-ground and, presumably, similar ages (though age gaps between siblings can be large for various reasons).

Did the OP ever get any financial help towards things that the siblings did not receive? 
Or the siblings think they were not treated similarly by the parents? - this is probably more relevant than whether the OP actually received an extra helping hand.
This could be either directly financial contribution for house, or to set up the business? 
Or in a less direct and less obvious way, such as support through schooling / education, or practical support so the OP got, say Grandparent's childcare, but siblings paying for private nursery?

When we set up 8 years ago, we got an investor on board we have since paid off and got our shares back. But I’ve been given no special treatment etc by family. 

We aren’t special just grafters. In fact I’ve got 0 qualifications. Make up for it in grafting.

You've clearly done well and should be proud.

The reason I asked about differential support is that it can sometimes be an issue and is not always direct. 

I refer to my wife and her brother (my BiL). 
BiL was supported through private school, 6th form, University and Masters Degree. 
My wife was not pushed in the same way at all, allowed to miss school as long as she helped in the house / cooking etc and gained no qualifications. 
This results in a substantial earning differential between the two of them, and my wife does feel she missed a lot of opportunity.
My FiL's explanation is that, all those years ago, they supported a son as one day he would need a career and provide whereas thinking was that a daughter would only be a home maker, so the experience in the home was all she needed. 

Times have moved on, fortunately

jam83

We had similar from one of my siblings when we bought our first house. It was my younger sibling and they had bought their first house a few years earlier. We were really happy for them when they did and bought them housewarming gifts etc. 

However, this sibling has a very competitive personality and became very uptight when they found out we were buying a house. Our house was bigger as we were planning to have children and was in our home town, which they had not been able to afford to buy in 😬. 

It got quite bad. The sibling actually confronted us when we were in the process of applying for the mortgage and said that we wouldn’t be accepted as if they couldn’t afford that much then we definitely couldn’t! They also said ‘maybe it was for the best as it was too much for you’ when the first house we were buying fell through as the vendor pulled out. Their attitude was very weird as we had previously been very friendly. It was especially weird as my husband and I are older than my sibling and we are both well-paid professionals. We weren’t even stretching ourselves financially to buy the house either. In the end my husband pointed this out to my sibling as they were getting very full on and told them to grow up. The sibling retorted with ‘well you must be on a lot more money than you have ever told me’. Very weird as it’s not like we had ever discussed our salary with them!! It was all very awkward. My parents had to get involved and tell my sibling to calm down and stop acting like a brat. Things are better now, but have definitely been strained since their weird outbursts.

I think sometimes people have misconceptions of other peoples finances because it is not generally discussed. We go on holiday and have a decent car etc, but are otherwise quite frugal (but not tight at Christmas etc) and they had interpreted this as us not having as much money as they do. Whereas they go on several holidays a year and like to splash the cash eating out several times a week, always buying new clothes etc. Then there’s the jealousy if you’ve got something that they really want, but can’t have for whatever reason, especially if they’re a bit ‘entitled’ like my sibling.
If I were you I’d just try your best to ignore it and get on with things and hopefully it will settle down eventually. Who knows, when they’re older they may even look back and be embarrassed by their behaviour  x

RetSol

dj1471 said:

Have you been skimping on the birthday & Christmas presents?

Or have you been too generous?  I recall a friend of mine complaining about a birthday gift which she had received from her (wealthier) sister.  She felt that the gift was unnecessarily expensive and that the sister was showing off. 

RetSol

The reason I asked about differential support is that it can sometimes be an issue and is not always direct. 

The root of the OP''s difficulty probably lies in childhood, may not be obvious to them at present and may arise out of something immutable, such as birth order, for example.  My grandfather (see previous post) was the oldest of four children. Perhaps his brother had always been jealous.  We shall never know.  

Pollycat

Just to let posters know that the OP started another thread on the Marriages board after comments about it not being an appropriate thread for this board:

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/6252123/siblings-turning-against-us#latest

MattMattMattUK

Jealousy and envy are powerful emotions.

RetSol

Just to let posters know that the OP started another thread on the Marriages board after comments about it not being an appropriate thread for this board:

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/6252123/siblings-turning-against-us#latest

Thanks, @Pollycat.  Families board now favourited!