Updating an existing marriage contract/prenup? - please advise me if you can

AskAsk

Tokmon said:

AskAsk said:

burlingtonfl6 said:

gettingtheresometime said:

Not an answer to your question but after 22 years of marriage, when you consider the assets each of you brought to the marriage 'ours' rather than 'mine'?

I agree, unless there were some special circumstances or you both have something you really want to keep in ''your side of the family''  after 22 years does it really matter?

the timing does not actually matter if you had always intended to separate assets anyway.  i and my husband have completely separate finance so my money is mine and his money is his.  we do the accounts settle up monthly 

What was the point in getting married which legally means you agree that all your assets are shared when you want to have completely separate finances?

i do wonder why i got married at all to be honest, and if i could go back in time, i would not have done it and just continued to co-habit, there is really no point in getting married at all, and for me it only made things more complicated than it needs to be.

i got married because i was brought up like everyone else to think that you should get married.  brain washed!

people do not get married to legally share assets!  lots of couples have separate finances, and that is the trend these days for couples.  all the couples i know have separate finances.  i got married mainly because of the commitment of staying together, so for us, it was this declaration of making a decision to stay with each other.  we could have done this without being married but the legal bind effectively put this thinking to the test as you would not sign that document unless you really do mean to stay.

being married will also mean no inheritance tax if one of us dies and our assets are passed on to the other.

74jax

AskAsk said:

Tokmon said:

AskAsk said:

burlingtonfl6 said:

gettingtheresometime said:

Not an answer to your question but after 22 years of marriage, when you consider the assets each of you brought to the marriage 'ours' rather than 'mine'?

I agree, unless there were some special circumstances or you both have something you really want to keep in ''your side of the family''  after 22 years does it really matter?

the timing does not actually matter if you had always intended to separate assets anyway.  i and my husband have completely separate finance so my money is mine and his money is his.  we do the accounts settle up monthly 

What was the point in getting married which legally means you agree that all your assets are shared when you want to have completely separate finances?

i do wonder why i got married at all to be honest, and if i could go back in time, i would not have done it and just continued to co-habit, there is really no point in getting married at all, and for me it only made things more complicated than it needs to be.

i got married because i was brought up like everyone else to think that you should get married.  brain washed!

people do not get married to legally share assets!  lots of couples have separate finances, and that is the trend these days for couples.  all the couples i know have separate finances.  i got married mainly because of the commitment of staying together, so for us, it was this declaration of making a decision to stay with each other.  we could have done this without being married but the legal bind effectively put this thinking to the test as you would not sign that document unless you really do mean to stay.

being married will also mean no inheritance tax if one of us dies and our assets are passed on to the other.

Inheritance tax for us is a huge benefit too. 
We have separate finances also, I didn't marry to have a joint account, I don't really know looking what the 'swing' was for me. I went from never wanting to get married to 9years later 'I really want to do this', my dad was very ill and it was something in me that just made me think I wasn't too be with you forever. Very strange how the brain works.... 

AskAsk

74jax said:

AskAsk said:

Tokmon said:

AskAsk said:

burlingtonfl6 said:

gettingtheresometime said:

Not an answer to your question but after 22 years of marriage, when you consider the assets each of you brought to the marriage 'ours' rather than 'mine'?

I agree, unless there were some special circumstances or you both have something you really want to keep in ''your side of the family''  after 22 years does it really matter?

the timing does not actually matter if you had always intended to separate assets anyway.  i and my husband have completely separate finance so my money is mine and his money is his.  we do the accounts settle up monthly 

What was the point in getting married which legally means you agree that all your assets are shared when you want to have completely separate finances?

i do wonder why i got married at all to be honest, and if i could go back in time, i would not have done it and just continued to co-habit, there is really no point in getting married at all, and for me it only made things more complicated than it needs to be.

i got married because i was brought up like everyone else to think that you should get married.  brain washed!

people do not get married to legally share assets!  lots of couples have separate finances, and that is the trend these days for couples.  all the couples i know have separate finances.  i got married mainly because of the commitment of staying together, so for us, it was this declaration of making a decision to stay with each other.  we could have done this without being married but the legal bind effectively put this thinking to the test as you would not sign that document unless you really do mean to stay.

being married will also mean no inheritance tax if one of us dies and our assets are passed on to the other.

Inheritance tax for us is a huge benefit too. 
We have separate finances also, I didn't marry to have a joint account, I don't really know looking what the 'swing' was for me. I went from never wanting to get married to 9years later 'I really want to do this', my dad was very ill and it was something in me that just made me think I wasn't too be with you forever. Very strange how the brain works.... 

you sort of know when you meet the right person and you just want to be with them.  until i met my husband, i didn't like the idea of settling down at all.  when you have met the right person, it sort of seems natural to get married as that is what everyone else does.  and it means you are a family, forever.

in terms of practicality, it makes things easier in some respects that we are married as i often deal with my husband's paperwork and as i am his wife, people will speak to me when i call them on his behalf.  they will ask him to verify his ID but then they are quite happy to speak to me as his wife.  i just think that the title of spouse is taken more seriously by society than title of 'partner'  and in a way we can trust each other more as we both know that we just can't decide tomorrow that we are leaving as divorce is messy and not something that you would do lightly.  this means we can make long term plans together, knowing that we are both committed for the long run.

justworriedabit

TBagpuss said:

OP, just as you can have a pre-nuptial agreement, you can also have a post-nuptial agreement.

Very similar rules apply,  you would each need to get separate and independent legal advice, you would need to provide financial information to each other so that you both know what you might be giving up (or limiting your entitlement to) and you should avoid doing it in circumstances where it might appear that one or other of you had been pressured to sign .

Pre-and Post-Nups are not legally binding in the UK but in the event of a divorce , they form part of the evidence a Judge would look at in deciding what was fair, i terms of any settlement, and of course the negotiation and discussions before entering onto one can be helpful in ironing out any potential issues now, rather than in the event of a divorce.

It might well be reasonable to agree that (for instance) inheritances received by either of you would be kept by the person receiving them rather than being counted as a joint asset to be divided.

A court would still be able, in the event of a divorce where you could not agree on the financial settlement, to over-ride the terms of the agreement, but the Judge would start by looking at the agreement and asking the person looking to change it why it would be fair for them not to keep to the agreement, rather than starting entirely from scratch.

The reason that any solicitor is telling you they would need to open a file is that until then are able to speak to you in some detail about what the assets are, what sorts of things you want to include / exclude, and other background, they wouldn't be able to tell you what might be appropriate or how a court might view your specific situation.

If you put something together on your own without legal advice it is very unlikely to any use to you, as whichever of you later wanted to back out would simply be able to say that they had not had legal advice and hadn't fully understood the effect of the agreement, nd the other person would struggle to prove otherwise. 

Brill post. Take note everyone if you don't want to give away your hard earned wealth and/or inheritance to possibly someone has cheated/deceived you. 
When you decided to live together and/or get hitched don't be shy to demand a prenup or equal and if the other does not agree, jog on, you will thank yourself for that.

[Deleted User]

justworriedabit said:

TBagpuss said:

OP, just as you can have a pre-nuptial agreement, you can also have a post-nuptial agreement.

Very similar rules apply,  you would each need to get separate and independent legal advice, you would need to provide financial information to each other so that you both know what you might be giving up (or limiting your entitlement to) and you should avoid doing it in circumstances where it might appear that one or other of you had been pressured to sign .

Pre-and Post-Nups are not legally binding in the UK but in the event of a divorce , they form part of the evidence a Judge would look at in deciding what was fair, i terms of any settlement, and of course the negotiation and discussions before entering onto one can be helpful in ironing out any potential issues now, rather than in the event of a divorce.

It might well be reasonable to agree that (for instance) inheritances received by either of you would be kept by the person receiving them rather than being counted as a joint asset to be divided.

A court would still be able, in the event of a divorce where you could not agree on the financial settlement, to over-ride the terms of the agreement, but the Judge would start by looking at the agreement and asking the person looking to change it why it would be fair for them not to keep to the agreement, rather than starting entirely from scratch.

The reason that any solicitor is telling you they would need to open a file is that until then are able to speak to you in some detail about what the assets are, what sorts of things you want to include / exclude, and other background, they wouldn't be able to tell you what might be appropriate or how a court might view your specific situation.

If you put something together on your own without legal advice it is very unlikely to any use to you, as whichever of you later wanted to back out would simply be able to say that they had not had legal advice and hadn't fully understood the effect of the agreement, nd the other person would struggle to prove otherwise. 

Brill post. Take note everyone if you don't want to give away your hard earned wealth and/or inheritance to possibly someone has cheated/deceived you. 
When you decided to live together and/or get hitched don't be shy to demand a prenup or equal and if the other does not agree, jog on, you will thank yourself for that.

How many times must it be pointed out to you that courts don’t really care why a couple is divorcing and that neither prenuptial or postnuptial are as bulletproof as you like to imagine?

“With all my worldly goods I thee endow.”

justworriedabit

Lover_of_Lycra said:

justworriedabit said:

TBagpuss said:

OP, just as you can have a pre-nuptial agreement, you can also have a post-nuptial agreement.

Very similar rules apply,  you would each need to get separate and independent legal advice, you would need to provide financial information to each other so that you both know what you might be giving up (or limiting your entitlement to) and you should avoid doing it in circumstances where it might appear that one or other of you had been pressured to sign .

Pre-and Post-Nups are not legally binding in the UK but in the event of a divorce , they form part of the evidence a Judge would look at in deciding what was fair, i terms of any settlement, and of course the negotiation and discussions before entering onto one can be helpful in ironing out any potential issues now, rather than in the event of a divorce.

It might well be reasonable to agree that (for instance) inheritances received by either of you would be kept by the person receiving them rather than being counted as a joint asset to be divided.

A court would still be able, in the event of a divorce where you could not agree on the financial settlement, to over-ride the terms of the agreement, but the Judge would start by looking at the agreement and asking the person looking to change it why it would be fair for them not to keep to the agreement, rather than starting entirely from scratch.

The reason that any solicitor is telling you they would need to open a file is that until then are able to speak to you in some detail about what the assets are, what sorts of things you want to include / exclude, and other background, they wouldn't be able to tell you what might be appropriate or how a court might view your specific situation.

If you put something together on your own without legal advice it is very unlikely to any use to you, as whichever of you later wanted to back out would simply be able to say that they had not had legal advice and hadn't fully understood the effect of the agreement, nd the other person would struggle to prove otherwise. 

Brill post. Take note everyone if you don't want to give away your hard earned wealth and/or inheritance to possibly someone has cheated/deceived you. 
When you decided to live together and/or get hitched don't be shy to demand a prenup or equal and if the other does not agree, jog on, you will thank yourself for that.

How many times must it be pointed out to you that courts don’t really care why a couple is divorcing and that neither prenuptial or postnuptial are as bulletproof as you like to imagine?

“With all my worldly goods I thee endow.”

please direct me to your evidence as per your claim re courts.
Please also point me to where I claimed these were "bullet proof"?
Thank you.

[Deleted User]

justworriedabit said:

Lover_of_Lycra said:

justworriedabit said:

TBagpuss said:

OP, just as you can have a pre-nuptial agreement, you can also have a post-nuptial agreement.

Very similar rules apply,  you would each need to get separate and independent legal advice, you would need to provide financial information to each other so that you both know what you might be giving up (or limiting your entitlement to) and you should avoid doing it in circumstances where it might appear that one or other of you had been pressured to sign .

Pre-and Post-Nups are not legally binding in the UK but in the event of a divorce , they form part of the evidence a Judge would look at in deciding what was fair, i terms of any settlement, and of course the negotiation and discussions before entering onto one can be helpful in ironing out any potential issues now, rather than in the event of a divorce.

It might well be reasonable to agree that (for instance) inheritances received by either of you would be kept by the person receiving them rather than being counted as a joint asset to be divided.

A court would still be able, in the event of a divorce where you could not agree on the financial settlement, to over-ride the terms of the agreement, but the Judge would start by looking at the agreement and asking the person looking to change it why it would be fair for them not to keep to the agreement, rather than starting entirely from scratch.

The reason that any solicitor is telling you they would need to open a file is that until then are able to speak to you in some detail about what the assets are, what sorts of things you want to include / exclude, and other background, they wouldn't be able to tell you what might be appropriate or how a court might view your specific situation.

If you put something together on your own without legal advice it is very unlikely to any use to you, as whichever of you later wanted to back out would simply be able to say that they had not had legal advice and hadn't fully understood the effect of the agreement, nd the other person would struggle to prove otherwise. 

Brill post. Take note everyone if you don't want to give away your hard earned wealth and/or inheritance to possibly someone has cheated/deceived you. 
When you decided to live together and/or get hitched don't be shy to demand a prenup or equal and if the other does not agree, jog on, you will thank yourself for that.

How many times must it be pointed out to you that courts don’t really care why a couple is divorcing and that neither prenuptial or postnuptial are as bulletproof as you like to imagine?

“With all my worldly goods I thee endow.”

please direct me to your evidence as per your claim re courts.
Please also point me to where I claimed these were "bullet proof"?
Thank you.

You seem to derail every thread you can harping on about prenuptial agreements to protect oneself when there’s no guarantee of that at all. You even do it on threads where the parties involved were never married or have been married for decades. 

In England and Wales you just need to demonstrate the marriage has broken down irretrievably, the reason be it adultery, desertion, unreasonable behaviour, etc doesn’t really matter and it certainly doesn’t come into financial settlements. 

AskAsk

Lover_of_Lycra said:

justworriedabit said:

TBagpuss said:

OP, just as you can have a pre-nuptial agreement, you can also have a post-nuptial agreement.

Very similar rules apply,  you would each need to get separate and independent legal advice, you would need to provide financial information to each other so that you both know what you might be giving up (or limiting your entitlement to) and you should avoid doing it in circumstances where it might appear that one or other of you had been pressured to sign .

Pre-and Post-Nups are not legally binding in the UK but in the event of a divorce , they form part of the evidence a Judge would look at in deciding what was fair, i terms of any settlement, and of course the negotiation and discussions before entering onto one can be helpful in ironing out any potential issues now, rather than in the event of a divorce.

It might well be reasonable to agree that (for instance) inheritances received by either of you would be kept by the person receiving them rather than being counted as a joint asset to be divided.

A court would still be able, in the event of a divorce where you could not agree on the financial settlement, to over-ride the terms of the agreement, but the Judge would start by looking at the agreement and asking the person looking to change it why it would be fair for them not to keep to the agreement, rather than starting entirely from scratch.

The reason that any solicitor is telling you they would need to open a file is that until then are able to speak to you in some detail about what the assets are, what sorts of things you want to include / exclude, and other background, they wouldn't be able to tell you what might be appropriate or how a court might view your specific situation.

If you put something together on your own without legal advice it is very unlikely to any use to you, as whichever of you later wanted to back out would simply be able to say that they had not had legal advice and hadn't fully understood the effect of the agreement, nd the other person would struggle to prove otherwise. 

Brill post. Take note everyone if you don't want to give away your hard earned wealth and/or inheritance to possibly someone has cheated/deceived you. 
When you decided to live together and/or get hitched don't be shy to demand a prenup or equal and if the other does not agree, jog on, you will thank yourself for that.

How many times must it be pointed out to you that courts don’t really care why a couple is divorcing and that neither prenuptial or postnuptial are as bulletproof as you like to imagine?

“With all my worldly goods I thee endow.”

“With all my worldly goods I thee endow.” doesn't have to be in marriage vows anymore these days.

justworriedabit

Lover_of_Lycra said:

justworriedabit said:

Lover_of_Lycra said:

justworriedabit said:

TBagpuss said:

OP, just as you can have a pre-nuptial agreement, you can also have a post-nuptial agreement.

Very similar rules apply,  you would each need to get separate and independent legal advice, you would need to provide financial information to each other so that you both know what you might be giving up (or limiting your entitlement to) and you should avoid doing it in circumstances where it might appear that one or other of you had been pressured to sign .

Pre-and Post-Nups are not legally binding in the UK but in the event of a divorce , they form part of the evidence a Judge would look at in deciding what was fair, i terms of any settlement, and of course the negotiation and discussions before entering onto one can be helpful in ironing out any potential issues now, rather than in the event of a divorce.

It might well be reasonable to agree that (for instance) inheritances received by either of you would be kept by the person receiving them rather than being counted as a joint asset to be divided.

A court would still be able, in the event of a divorce where you could not agree on the financial settlement, to over-ride the terms of the agreement, but the Judge would start by looking at the agreement and asking the person looking to change it why it would be fair for them not to keep to the agreement, rather than starting entirely from scratch.

The reason that any solicitor is telling you they would need to open a file is that until then are able to speak to you in some detail about what the assets are, what sorts of things you want to include / exclude, and other background, they wouldn't be able to tell you what might be appropriate or how a court might view your specific situation.

If you put something together on your own without legal advice it is very unlikely to any use to you, as whichever of you later wanted to back out would simply be able to say that they had not had legal advice and hadn't fully understood the effect of the agreement, nd the other person would struggle to prove otherwise. 

Brill post. Take note everyone if you don't want to give away your hard earned wealth and/or inheritance to possibly someone has cheated/deceived you. 
When you decided to live together and/or get hitched don't be shy to demand a prenup or equal and if the other does not agree, jog on, you will thank yourself for that.

How many times must it be pointed out to you that courts don’t really care why a couple is divorcing and that neither prenuptial or postnuptial are as bulletproof as you like to imagine?

“With all my worldly goods I thee endow.”

please direct me to your evidence as per your claim re courts.
Please also point me to where I claimed these were "bullet proof"?
Thank you.

You seem to derail every thread you can harping on about prenuptial agreements to protect oneself when there’s no guarantee of that at all. You even do it on threads where the parties involved were never married or have been married for decades. 

In England and Wales you just need to demonstrate the marriage has broken down irretrievably, the reason be it adultery, desertion, unreasonable behaviour, etc doesn’t really matter and it certainly doesn’t come into financial settlements. 

You care to respond first to your inaccurate claims you made earlier which I contested to at 12.20pm today.

Btw, posting, responding on a forum is not "harping" even if you disagree with someones point of view.
Thank you.

Pollycat

justworriedabit said:

please direct me to your evidence as per your claim re courts.
Please also point me to where I claimed these were "bullet proof"?
Thank you.

I think the point being made is that although you have to state a reason why you are petitioning for a divorce, the reasons do not affect any financial settlement.

For clarity:

if your partner has committed adultery, you will not get any more money than if the marriage had simply broken down.

That's how I read the post anyway.