Important update! We have recently reviewed and updated our Forum Rules and FAQs. Please take the time to familiarise yourself with the latest version.
Care homes for retired Army Officers or their spouses?
13 replies
409 views

960 posts


Afternoon all. Mother is in a care home where she is desperately, desperately unhappy and says she has nothing in common with the people there - even those who were once in the Army don't share her experiences and she feels very isolated with nobody to talk to about her past life/ her husband - she says they think she's a snob (possibly true but hey ho - she's a product of her life!). I've done a bit of searching to no avail but just wondered if anyone has heard of a care home that might suit her better - obviously doesn't have to be Army but any of the 3 forces where she can talk about life on camps in Germany, quarters, etc. Since retiring she and my father have always lived around other retired officers - very few civilians - and now he's gone, as have most of the others, she's feeling very alone.
Any ideas so very gratefully received - thank you.
Liz
Any ideas so very gratefully received - thank you.
Liz
0
Quick links
Essential Money | Who & Where are you? | Work & Benefits | Household and travel | Shopping & Freebies | About MSE | The MoneySavers Arms | Covid-19 & Coronavirus Support
Replies
Thanks again.
The number of times I have heard "do you know who my husband is.?"
Your mother is an unusual service widow in that she was the Brigadier's wife. It also sounds like she's is not willing to let that slip, fair enough. As I understand it, even at an all-officers facility, she would be relatively 'high-ranking' and thus might experience what she has found at her current home - either she or her companions being uncomfortable mixing with across ranks. It definitely seems worth looking into services facilities to see if you can find one with a good group of 'socially suitable' companions. However, would it also be worth looking at a civilian but posh facility? Clearly it depends on funds, but it might be the case that she is more comfortable with a non-military group of wives of diplomats, captains of industry etc who would recognise her elevated social position and be willing to be regaled with tales of her exciting life with the forces? Finding a place might be tricky, since care home populations are necessarily changing and having just one good friend makes a world of difference, but it might be worth looking into if none of the forces options work out. Good luck!
"If you don't know how should I".
"you're a serviceman's wife just like me. Nothing special. "
The brigadier's wife will have automatically assumed the role of 'chief wife' and the junior officers will have told their wives to follow 'her rules'.
We in the RAF, however - and I'm speaking as both a former SNCO and Service wife - took much less notice of rank when off duty. Even if/when the Station Commander's wife tried it on.
Mind you, the fact that I was a wife with 3 chevrons in her own right did cause a bit of muttering among some of the other wives, seemingly because they had added up our total salaries, but most didn't bother at all.