Help with understanding strange transactions on Form E statements

CH67

Hello, I'm new to the Forum and could really do with your help in understanding some transactions on my husband's Form E.  On an overseas account he has (that he's claiming is half my liability, but it's not!), there are hundreds of pounds of transactions to what I THINK may be dating websites, but I'm not sure, and a Google search hasn't helped much.  Of course I could ask him directly, but I'd rather try and determine myself first, in case it is a waste of legal resources (for a number of reasons I'm trying to limit any communication over and above necessary child matters to via the lawyers).
The transactions list the following: lveaps.com , plc4d.com , crbesa.com , tmgpmt.com and farmpt.com .  Whether he's been dating or whatever is not my concern here, but rather it's how he's potentially chosen to spend joint funds at a time when I have not been given "approval" to spend money on essential repairs to the house is more my concern here.  Thanks so much.

sassyblue

is this overseas account in your name too? If not I don’t see how he will get away with proving your liability as you won’t have spent any money on it.  All you could do is provide your lawyer with printed website evidence and they can tell your husband he was paying to use those sites and any charges are his liability.

ETA, more likely they are p0rn sites, and I hope nothing worse.

CH67

Thanks sassyblue. He's trying to say it's half my liability, but in fact i am just a secondary card holder - the statements show it was his card that made the transactions -  and I confirmed with the bank I'm not liable for it.  But it's more a question of integrity here - he outright refused for me to pay for an electrical inventory when i moved into the house  with the kids - i went ahead and had it done anyway and the summary condition was unsatisfactory (unsurprising at house is old and not been invested in for years), so of course I then paid to get that fixed.  But despite that and numerous other issues with the house, he's been saying it's all necessary, questioning my general expenditure - and then I discover he's been to strip clubs, fancy restaurants etc.  Walking cliche.  So if these websites are dating or !!!!!! sites, well the fact that he's spent £500 or so on them in just a handful of months says a lot.

74jax

CH67 said:

Thanks sassyblue. He's trying to say it's half my liability, but in fact i am just a secondary card holder - the statements show it was his card that made the transactions -  and I confirmed with the bank I'm not liable for it.  But it's more a question of integrity here - he outright refused for me to pay for an electrical inventory when i moved into the house  with the kids - i went ahead and had it done anyway and the summary condition was unsatisfactory (unsurprising at house is old and not been invested in for years), so of course I then paid to get that fixed.  But despite that and numerous other issues with the house, he's been saying it's all necessary, questioning my general expenditure - and then I discover he's been to strip clubs, fancy restaurants etc.  Walking cliche.  So if these websites are dating or !!!!!! sites, well the fact that he's spent £500 or so on them in just a handful of months says a lot.

Is the account in joint names, and the payments on your husband card?

Or are you not on the account at all, but have a card? 

CH67

We left the country a couple of years ago, but my husband didn't want to close the accounts, even though I understand he should have legally, as he originally planned to spend a lot of time there for his business interests.  We held (hold) the currently account jointly, but the credit card account was solely in his name - I was just a second card holder (I called the bank up to confirm - they said yes I would hold no liability).  I'm only now seeing these statements as he's had to disclose them for the Form E.

CH67

Sadly I entrusted the management of all financial matters to my husband - a Chartered Accountant by training, so he just seemed better-equipped to do all that, especially as I was busy with the kids and all that.  Seems I'm a walking cliche too

TripleH

Please do not leave your husband in charge of your finances especially if he is an accountant. 
I'm not saying he is doing anything wrong, but my late father took control of the finances from my mum (who left him to it). Whilst he did nothing untoward, my mum had no idea when he passed what he had done with their finances. It took me months to unpick things (and I was tuned into his way of thinking). If you work with money day in, day out, you may have wonderful plans but your dependents will need to waste money getting a professional  to unpick what you did.

sassyblue

CH67 said:

Thanks sassyblue. He's trying to say it's half my liability, but in fact i am just a secondary card holder - the statements show it was his card that made the transactions -  and I confirmed with the bank I'm not liable for it.  But it's more a question of integrity here - he outright refused for me to pay for an electrical inventory when i moved into the house  with the kids - i went ahead and had it done anyway and the summary condition was unsatisfactory (unsurprising at house is old and not been invested in for years), so of course I then paid to get that fixed.  But despite that and numerous other issues with the house, he's been saying it's all necessary, questioning my general expenditure - and then I discover he's been to strip clubs, fancy restaurants etc.  Walking cliche.  So if these websites are dating or !!!!!! sites, well the fact that he's spent £500 or so on them in just a handful of months says a lot.

I'm going to tell you something incredible now and remember it going forward....

he can say whatever he damn well likes - but he'll have to prove it 

You’re correct that as a second card holder he is the one liable for the debt, although that doesn’t mean you can go on a spending spree now and get away with it, rather that the transactions can be proven to come from his card and the debt should be payable by him from any split of finances you agree on.

'Do as I say not as I do' is par for the course when it comes to controlling people, luckily if you’ve got a good lawyer they will put him in his place. Just totally ignore what he says from now on, he’s proved himself to be untrustworthy.  Don’t beat yourself up about it either, these things happen, he was the one who betrayed your trust.

As I said before, furnish your lawyer with website print outs of those sites which can then be sent to his lawyer, I bet your husband is hoping you don’t investigate it too much as there’s usually a huge amount of information in Form E's and attaching documents, so it will be a nice surprise for him when he sees what you've discovered. 

CH67

Yeah, I haven't used that card since we left the country over 2 years ago.  No spending sprees for me - I just want to get the house fixed up enough to avoid bigger fixes down the line, as it's not been invested in for at least 15 years.  And have enough money to get myself back on my feet after years of putting the kids and him first, me last, and eventually become self-sufficient.
Again, husband managed the rental of the house through an agent while we lived overseas (which I'm living in now), so basically it had the barest minimum spent on it.  But I couldn't have taken on more than I already did over those years.
Interesting you've picked up on the controlling personality.  That's most definitely what he is, and it's taken me years to be able to take a step back and see that, among other things.  I just comfort myself that I'm carving out a different and better future for the kids.

CH67

TripleH said:

Please do not leave your husband in charge of your finances especially if he is an accountant. 
I'm not saying he is doing anything wrong, but my late father took control of the finances from my mum (who left him to it). Whilst he did nothing untoward, my mum had no idea when he passed what he had done with their finances. It took me months to unpick things (and I was tuned into his way of thinking). If you work with money day in, day out, you may have wonderful plans but your dependents will need to waste money getting a professional  to unpick what you did.

Ach, sadly it's a bit late for that now that we're getting divorced.  I trusted him.  I essentially thought he would be decent and honourable, projecting how I would behave onto him.  Of course now I see that was naive.  I'm fairly sure at best he's been very sloppy with his disclosures, and clearly some incomplete areas.  Maybe more than that.  

sassyblue

CH67 said:

Interesting you've picked up on the controlling personality.  That's most definitely what he is, and it's taken me years to be able to take a step back and see that, among other things.  I just comfort myself that I'm carving out a different and better future for the kids.

A good few years working for a divorce lawyer  although I have seen and known a few personalities like it growing up.

It was more that he wasn’t living with you so much but telling you what you could and couldn’t spend money on in the house... check the bank statements that accompanied the Form E for deposits to bank accounts he hasn’t disclosed or large cash withdrawals regularly, I’ve seen that very often too.

and good luck for your future, you will be fine, honestly