Mortgage/Ex/Help Please

Manchester1988

This is a re-post from another part of the forum as I posted in the wrong place. (sorry)

Hi guys, 
So to cut a long story short, my ex partner had her head turned in work, started texting a guy, we split and she's refusing to sell the house as well as expecting me to still pay for everything. 

We have been separated for 5 months now and I found out over a year before us splitting up, and that she was texting a guy at work, I'm not a particularly jealous person but I knew something wasn't quite right. I confronted her, she admitted it and and all seemed to go back to "normal" (foolish of me I know), afterwards we had our second child who is now 6 months old. After 4 weeks of our baby being born, she gave me the "I don't love you anymore" line and expected me to move out. We were together for 7 years, had a house for 4 years, and were engaged for 3 years. - Never married

I stayed in the house for a month or so until I couldn't handle it anymore and moved to my mothers. My ex as been on maternity all the way through and still is now (6 months of 9),  I've paid every single wage I've had since up until this point into the joint account which all of our bills used to go into, skinting myself paying for a house for my children which I do not live in. Since I found out she's now seeing this guy I've moved my wage into my own account and I refused to pay for her lifestyle (during lockdown might I add), all bills have had my name taken off them, excluding mortgage. 

I'm in a predicament that I'm unsure as to what I have\should be paying. I have no issues either paying through CSA or matching it. I have a conscious and I absolutely love my children, I will say it and I am confident that I am a damn good dad. 

Any conversations I have with her and her family turn into arguments. All I want is to receive my assets from the house, find somewhere to live and carry on my life. She however is outright refusing to sell the house as she "Will not, ever uproot our children", which I understand, however she's telling me to move on, how do I do this without a penny to my name? 

I'm just after some advice, as I feel I'm floundering here, financially as well as mentally with the whole situation. 

Thanks

TBagpuss

talk to a solicitor. 
The only things you have to pay is child support (check the CMS calculator to work out how much)

In terms of the mortgage, you and she have joint and several liability if the mortgage is in joint names, so you are both liable and both your credit records will suffer if it is not paid. 
It's possible to make an application (known as a ToLATA Claim) through the courts - ToLATA stands for Trust of Land and Appointment of Trustees Act, which is the relevant bit of legislation) 
The application determines first, what interest you each have in the house (usually 50/50 unless there is a declaration of trust saying differently) and can then order a sale so you each get your share. 

It is important to get proper advice and follow the correct procedure as the case is heard through the normal civil courts, not in the family court, and they tend to be much stricter about following the precise letter of the rules.

If your ex refuses to cooperate then she could end up being ordered to pay your legal costs out of her share of the house.

If she wants to stay in the house then suggest to her that she looks at buying you out (perhaps with her new partner) 
Is she paying anything toward s the mortgage at present? 
Going into arrears will affect both of you, so short term, it may be worth you talking to your mortgage lender to ask about a payment holiday to give you a breathing space - you may then be able to say to her that you will not be able to afford to pay the mortgage as well as your own housing costs so she needs to make plans to cover the full payments from when the holiday ends, and that anything  that you would only pay on condition that she pays you back when the house is sold, as you would be subsidizing her accommodation. 
  But you need to talk to a solicitor now, and get the ball rolling. It may be that a solicitors letter will prompt her to get her own advice and start to be more realistic. 

jennystarpepper

As the above poster has said, contact a solicitor ASAP.

My husbands ex girl friend did the same to him, both children under 10.  He asked her for 3 years to take his name off the mortgage, (she was getting lots of equity) all she had to do was re mortgage and pay the fees.  My husband was at his mothers just like you are. 

Long story short.....  got fed up of asking, she was being very childish and an one point gave us fake solicitors info.  Solicitor got involved, she even managed to annoy the magistrate who looked at the case, by not turning up to a hearing and then calming she could not get time off work, magistrates wife had the same occupation and called her out on it.  

Get legal help, do not tell her or her family you are doing this.  Your children will be fine, if you are given any guilt trips / sob stories over taking action don't listen to it, you are entitled to get your life back on track, you have done nothing wrong.

Gavin83

I’m assuming from your wording that you weren’t married? Was the house owned jointly?

I agree with the other posters though, you definitely need to speak to a solicitor.

sassyblue

Tbagpuss has given excellent advice.  There are child maintenance calculators online to check what child support you should be paying.  You can then tell your ex you are paying the mortgage in lieu of child support to keep the mortgage paid so no arrears occur, then get a Solicitor.

Manchester1988

Thank you all for your help 

burlingtonfl6

I'd also be getting a DNA test for both of your children.

Marvel1

burlingtonfl6 said:

I'd also be getting a DNA test for both of your children.

Awful to say, but I would think this too.