Splitting up ... how does it work financially?

youwhat

Hi ... my head is spinning. Will try to keep to the facts.
OH and I have two primary school kids. He works full time, bring home around £2300 after deductions. I wotk part time. Bring home £1400 after deductions. Our mortgage is £1000/month. Things are not great between us and I am wondering if I can even afford to be on my own with the kids.
 Have done calculation which suggests I would get £800/month universal credit. Can this be right? It seems too much. According to CSA he would be expected to pay around £400/month (he wouldn't try and duck out of this).
I think I just need to hear from people who have been there done that as it seems so terrifying.
Thanks.

Retireby40

With your £1400 a month earnings and the £400 CSA could you not support yourself and kids financially?

Or because of the split and working arrangements would you have to leave your job?

caprikid1

£1400 + £800 + £400 I agree £2600 feels like a lot.

tacpot12

Even with your work and child maintenance, you are probably entitled to some UC, but my guess is that it will be less than £800, perhaps about £370? The amount of child maintenance you receive doesn't affect the amount of UC you receive. 
Note that if your child spend nights with their father after you separate, this could reduce your  child maintenance amount significantly. It might drop to less than £200 pcm if they spend three or four nights with him. You expenses would drop somewhat if this were the case, as you would not have the cost of food and energy to heat water for baths and laundry. 

You will also be receiving £150 pcm in child benefit, so you income might be as high as £2,400 pcm. You will also get 25% of your council tax bill once you are on the only adult living in a property.

You should look into couples counselling if there is any chance of you staying together. It will be better for everyone if you can be happy, but if this is not going to be  possible, then separating while you can do it amicably is the next best thing. You should contact your local Relate office to see if they can help with counselling.

youwhat

Retireby40 said:

With your £1400 a month earnings and the £400 CSA could you not support yourself and kids financially?

Or because of the split and working arrangements would you have to leave your job?

I would be remaining in work.

youwhat

tacpot12 said:

Even with your work and child maintenance, you are probably entitled to some UC, but my guess is that it will be less than £800, perhaps about £370? The amount of child maintenance you receive doesn't affect the amount of UC you receive. 
Note that if your child spend nights with their father after you separate, this could reduce your  child maintenance amount significantly. It might drop to less than £200 pcm if they spend three or four nights with him. You expenses would drop somewhat if this were the case, as you would not have the cost of food and energy to heat water for baths and laundry. 

You will also be receiving £150 pcm in child benefit, so you income might be as high as £2,400 pcm. You will also get 25% of your council tax bill once you are on the only adult living in a property.

You should look into couples counselling if there is any chance of you staying together. It will be better for everyone if you can be happy, but if this is not going to be  possible, then separating while you can do it amicably is the next best thing. You should contact your local Relate office to see if they can help with counselling.

Thank you for your comments. 
Our lives are joined together and the thought of separating them out seems so complex, but right now my overwhelming concern is if I could manage financially (which possibly says something about the state of my marriage). My biggest cost is going to be the roof over our head. I think I know really that it would be doable, but it is scary. Hence me asking on here.
In my head, I know that couples counselling a good step. In my heart, I just want to fast forward a year and us be amicably apart.

groovy_chick

youwhat said:

According to CSA he would be expected to pay around £400/month (he wouldn't try and duck out of this).
I think I just need to hear from people who have been there done that as it seems so terrifying.
Thanks.

Not at the moment, but fast forward a year and he meets someone new, they have a child and all of a sudden she/they start resenting the money you get and their new family takes priority.

Doing everything yourself, paying for everything yourself, supporting everything yourself is VERY hard.  My husband left me when my two were under 3 years old and initially he was very generous with maintenance, but then his new girlfriend got pregnant and very soon I was barely getting the minimum from him (he was earning A LOT but as self employed, the CSA wouldn't take dividends into account).  When I told him he was withholding from our family, he said if he gave it to me it was withholding from his new family - that is where his loyalties shifted.

Please try everything you can to stay together and don't imagine that the grass on the other side is greener, in my experience the grass on the other side has been distinctly muddy

Retireby40

youwhat said:

Retireby40 said:

With your £1400 a month earnings and the £400 CSA could you not support yourself and kids financially?

Or because of the split and working arrangements would you have to leave your job?

I would be remaining in work.

You should have enough to be financially independent and provide everything you and your family need. 

Remember you only have 1 life. And to spend the next 15-20 years trapped in an unhappy marriage because you rely on money is a waste.

It may seem daunting and many people think by taking a leap of faith and leaving they may fall......however you may just find yourself flying and coping a lot better than you thought you would and in 2 or 3 years after adapting to the situation be in a much better place.

Never trade happiness for money. It may mean you going back to work full time when the kids get up abit. It may mean no summer holidays for a few years. It may mean cut backs in the kitchen and at christmas. But those are small prices to pay for your feeling of content. 

Savvy_Sue

youwhat said:

In my head, I know that couples counselling a good step. In my heart, I just want to fast forward a year and us be amicably apart.

Even if in your heart you're not committed to the marriage and you just want to end it, you may find couples counselling helpful in navigating the next steps, and especially in working towards 'amicably apart'. 

burlingtonfl6

Can the relationship not be salvaged? Did he/you cheat? Are you just unhappy? Is he a good Dad/person? I agree with the above comments about counselling. Sometimes people throw a marriage away and find out they are just as unhappy after the divorce. 

Kseniya

hi! many women live alone, there is always an opportunity for everything. I remember how life provides us with opportunities when they are really needed, the main thing is to look "in both eyes", I have a couple of friends who live alone with children and reach heights, I generally wonder where they have so much time and energy for everything! take the child to kindergarten. go to work, then pick up the child and take him to extra classes, and also find time for your development - this is amazing!