What to do next?

redlight_2

Hello not posted on MSE for very very long time.  Not sure what to do with my life at the mo and thought I’d reach out so to speak.  Been battling alone for what seems forever.  My Mum passed away end 2019 after a 2+ year or so battle with alzheimers dementia (she was 91) but a decline of 4-5 years really.  I'm an only child and we always had a close and loving relationship, always a bit controlling over the years with Mum and Dad tho (he passed in 2002).  I had to sell their house to pay for Mums care, battle with carers, council, social workers, doctors, hospital, consultants, care home  - was an absolute nightmare at times.  About 8 months after Mum passed I spat the dummy with my job and left after being there 25+ years.  So unemployed at the moment (not retirement age yet) and have enjoyed pottering about for the last few months with no demands on me.  COVID made me reassess where I was, and what I had experienced with Mum, vs  carrying on being in a job with a carp boss & management and unhappy for the next XX amount of years till i did reach retirement age.  I see this as healing time at the moment, but am not sure what to do next!  I’m not sure why I'm posting or what I'm expecting really. Before i get slagged off i know everyone experiences hard times, and some a lot worse than mine.  As i say, not sure what I'm posting for, but here i am.  

Grumpy_chap

Hi Redlight - sympathies for your loss and the tough time you are going through.  You are right, though, sometimes, a change is what is required. 

You mention you are not yet at retirement age, but do not mention whether you are financially able to cope long-term with no income (how long?), or reduced income.  That is going to be a big factor in your next step.

You also don't mention what type of job you had, any interests or hobbies, or skills.  Is there any way of finding something in that mix that will guide your next steps to reach a productive and rewarding outcome and also meet the financial needs you have?   Or do you have any interests you would like to take forward and develop for your own satisfaction.  Taking some inspiration from my circle of friends and colleagues, here are some examples of change that people have done as life-changes:

• Engineering, gave up and now develops property
• Office admin, gave up and studying Speech Therapy
• Police Officer, gave up and now drives minibus for school plus caretaking assistant
• IT, gave up and now fixes model airplanes etc. 
• Project Manager, gave up and became a postman
• Office admin, gave up and now does housekeeping

There are a wealth of other types of changes you could consider:

• Help others with your life-experience - CAB / Samaritans
• Shop work, or run your own shop / cafe
• Animal welfare, support

All of the people I know took a similar brave decision to yours, but the one constant is, none of them regret making the change.
Good luck!

AskAsk

unfortunately we all have to work for a living so if you are not yet at retirement age and can draw a decent pension, then i am guessing you have no choice but to try and find employment again.

Iamdebtfree

redlight_2 said:

Hello not posted on MSE for very very long time.  Not sure what to do with my life at the mo and thought I’d reach out so to speak.  Been battling alone for what seems forever.  My Mum passed away end 2019 after a 2+ year or so battle with alzheimers dementia (she was 91) but a decline of 4-5 years really.  I'm an only child and we always had a close and loving relationship, always a bit controlling over the years with Mum and Dad tho (he passed in 2002).  I had to sell their house to pay for Mums care, battle with carers, council, social workers, doctors, hospital, consultants, care home  - was an absolute nightmare at times.  About 8 months after Mum passed I spat the dummy with my job and left after being there 25+ years.  So unemployed at the moment (not retirement age yet) and have enjoyed pottering about for the last few months with no demands on me.  COVID made me reassess where I was, and what I had experienced with Mum, vs  carrying on being in a job with a carp boss & management and unhappy for the next XX amount of years till i did reach retirement age.  I see this as healing time at the moment, but am not sure what to do next!  I’m not sure why I'm posting or what I'm expecting really. Before i get slagged off i know everyone experiences hard times, and some a lot worse than mine.  As i say, not sure what I'm posting for, but here i am.  

'So unemployed at the moment (not retirement age yet) and have enjoyed pottering about for the last few months with no demands on me.  COVID made me reassess where I was, and what I had experienced with Mum, vs  carrying on being in a job with a carp boss & management and unhappy for the next XX amount of years till i did reach retirement age'

Do your best to keep going this way. I hope you never have to go back to slavery for bits of paper. I don't care what's the 'right thing to do'. You only live this one time. Just once. No second chances.

Very sorry about the passing of your mum. Mine died of the very same thing four years ago, at the age of only 70.

Apintplease

After being in a place with so many demand on your time for so long its no wonder once you were free of them that your have reacted the way you have

So reading between the lines, you cant be very far off retirement?

If you can manage on savings then that is perhaps where you need to stay, no demands and pottering, absolutely nothing wrong with that what so ever

However if your savings are dwindling and you need to go back to work, now is the time to sit and work out what you can afford to do or not

You may need a large income to cover your lifestyle, or you may be like myself, no mortgage , no rent, so no need to kill myself out working. Im guessing Im 10 years younger then you and still have a long way to go before retirement, and never going to be able to buy back my missing years so I will have to work for the next 11 years

So I now work for 24 hrs a week in a NMW role. Enough hours to get my stamp and get a workplace pension, not enough to pay tax, and plenty of time off to potter with enough to live on ( this year has been the fly in the ointment as it has for so many ), My husband has also done the same, dropped from earring 000's a month to just over the 1000 mark. But with careful living, we can afford this life that we have chosen 

Good luck with working out where you need to be xx

redlight_2

Iamdebtfree - thank you - sorry about your Mum, it's an awful thing for the person to experience and the family to watch x
Grumpy_Chap - thank you, some ideas there
Apintplease - thank you, enjoy the time to stop and look at the sky
I guess everything seems strange to me at the moment with all the stress of the last 4-5 years, juggling work & battling on Mum's behalf, I felt i was on a merry-go-round and just wanted to get off. Didn't really have time to do or think of anything for me, always something coming up - but i did everything gladly for my Mum.  Thank heavens for LPAO! Although sometimes it seemed the health one wasn't worth the cost of having it as decisions were made without my involvement - Mum in hospital, the consultants saying 'your Mum seems of sound mind and perfectly able to make her own decisions' - me - 'my Mum thinks she's on a cruise ship.....'  bless her, they still didn't tell me the outcome of their investigations.  Loved my Mum.  I have a year until i can get some private pension, and a few more until state pension so i hope to get a part time job doing something & getting out and interacting with people again.  I have no mortgage, rent, debt, expensive hobbies.  Just need to work out what to do in time ahead, unfortunately i don't think my skill set from the job i left will transfer anywhere - although an element in it was finding out 'stuff'.  I've become interested in Ancestry and in the last few months have done research for friends,  maybe i;ll class that as my hobby.  And just enjoy life & stop worrying i 'should be doing something'.  I've not had one single moment of regret about leaving my job - and i loved it and the challenges it brought.

EDIT: with hindsight the laughing face may appear a little insensitive.  But my Mum had a fantastic sense of humour, and i know she would have roared with laughter and said 'oh bloody hell i didn't did I?'  Miss her every day.

gettingtheresometime

I know it sounds daft but when I used to scour the housekeeper / carer ads of 'The Lady' magazine and occasionally, just occasionally used to think if I was at a loose end I'd apply for them

MrsPorridge

gettingtheresometime said:

I know it sounds daft but when I used to scour the housekeeper / carer ads of 'The Lady' magazine and occasionally, just occasionally used to think if I was at a loose end I'd apply for them

I also used to do that

redlight_2

MrsPorridge said:

gettingtheresometime said:

I know it sounds daft but when I used to scour the housekeeper / carer ads of 'The Lady' magazine and occasionally, just occasionally used to think if I was at a loose end I'd apply for them

I also used to do that

Ah another idea! I have a dog tho, so probably not suitable

Apintplease

redlight_2 said:

MrsPorridge said:

gettingtheresometime said:

I know it sounds daft but when I used to scour the housekeeper / carer ads of 'The Lady' magazine and occasionally, just occasionally used to think if I was at a loose end I'd apply for them

I also used to do that

Ah another idea! I have a dog tho, so probably not suitable

Dog sitting, if your dog gets along with other dogs perhaps?

Or cat sitting - with those you dont have to live in, just pop around a few times a day.

Dog walking

Even a local cleaning job or ironing service? Ive done all of the above at some point, bit of pin money , gets you out, meet new people