Constantly asked to work overtime

Brynsam

MalMonroe said:

Tealblue said:

elsien said:

But that isn't her problem, it's her employers.
There is someone else; there is the owner. It is up to the owner to find alternative cover and potentially employ someone else if the hours are needed on such a regular basis.
 

Got it in one - but while OP's wife continues to allow herself to be put upon, there is no incentive for the owner to do anything about the situation.

I rarely think it's a good idea to get other family members involved, but where someone is pregnant and has mental issues, and for whatever reason can't or won't do anything to help herself, maybe this is that rare occasion where direct contact between spouse and employer is going to be the only way to improve matters.

No. Direct contact between spouse and employer is never a good thing. I'd leave my partner if such a thing ever happened - and I'm not even joking. That kind of control is never good. That really is overstepping. And in this case, OP's wife will have to leave soon anyway. 

You are talking about your own views. Everyone else is discussing how best to help OP's wife. Some ideas might be appropriate, others not - but a wholly inflexible 'never a good thing' simply because you wouldn't like it is completely irrelevant to their situation.

elsien

“No, I’m sorry, I’m not able to stay late today.”
She doesn’t need to discuss or justify what she does in her own time, just that it’s not possible.
Broken record technique until it sinks in. 

I do know it’s not as easy as that sounds, been there, done that, lost a job through ill health because of it. But if she doesn’t make a stand they will continue to walk all over her. They would have to make other arrangements if she went off sick, or when her maternity leave starts. So they might as well start doing so now. 

Sea_Shell

I was going to say the same as Elsien above.

Just say no!!

Not in a rude way, and maybe give them a day or twos notice to start with... "Sorry, but I HAVE to get away on time tomorrow" and then follow through and leave ON TIME.

elsien

The issue seems to be your wife’s thought processes and feelings of responsibility as much as the employer. No-one can change that but her. 

But no-one is indispensable, however much they feel otherwise. If she gave notice, they would manage. They would have to. And being able to  accept that will help her to be able to put the boundaries in place. 

Manxman_in_exile

matticus7 said:

. If I was to work out her total hours in terms of things she's not paid to do outside of work like buying "employee of the month", staff birthday gifts and making things for the kids like handmade Christmas cards (stuff she just doesn't have time to do inside work)

Unfortunately I suspect your wife's employer knows by now that your wife is one of those people who (for whatever reason) is simply incapable of saying "No" to their employer, and she probably isn't going to change.

She needs to be encouraged to use her pregnancy as an excuse to break what is a very bad habit, and if she returns to work afterwards, she needs to be assertive about putting her foot down with her employer.  (And I'd bill them for the "employee of the month"(!) gifts etc.  Please tell me you are exaggerating about that... please?)

Mrs_Soup

If she finds it difficult to refuse then maybe rather than just say no she could have  a reason why she can't do it at short notice- eg "oh no really sorry I have to take the children to the dentist at 4.30". 

TELLIT01

Mrs_Soup said:

If she finds it difficult to refuse then maybe rather than just say no she could have  a reason why she can't do it at short notice- eg "oh no really sorry I have to take the children to the dentist at 4.30". 

Lying to an employer is a bad idea on so many levels.  A simple "No.  I can't work late tonight" is sufficient.  If asked why simply say there are other commitments.

74jax

If she goes in a morning, with an idea she'll be asked to stay late, she can at least go over the 'no' answer.  I wouldn't give a reason why she can't stay late, but she may feel she want too.  
A simple reply could be 'I can't sorry, I've got terrible back ache / didn't sleep well last night / have plans' should do.
I honestly don't think the nursery are in too far in the wrong sorry, they ask your wife to stay late, and she agrees.  It's not as though she says no and they lock her in.....
Why does she feel guilty?  If the owner doesn't mind there not being the correct number of management, why does your wife feel she should mind?  Is she just a supervisor or part owner etc? I'm just wondering why your wife is putting a company she doesn't own before her wants and family?  
If it's a matter of she didn't used to mind but now does, then just sit down with the owner, explain things have changed and from now on cannot work any extra so would they like an advert running for more staff or will the owner pick up the extra hours, it's not really a big issue at the moment as the company doesn't know your wife's views, all they know is she is happy to work the extra hours.

Sncjw

Could she be asked to stay late due to parents being late to pick up the kids?.

Savvy_Sue

One thing employers in this kind of situation should bear in mind ALL THE TIME these days is that ANY member of staff AT ANY TIME might be told to self-isolate. And that's it: not like booking leave, they just have to go home and stay home. 

Hoping the OP's wife will be able to have a sensible discussion with the owner about the way forward in terms of ensuring there is always cover, but that would be another point I'd want to put forward, along with the upcoming maternity leave.