Constantly asked to work overtime

matticus7

Thanks for the help guys, I'll mention everything you've said to her and ask that she discusses it with the owner as I don't think it will help if I get involved as I don't work there and it's not my job to speak on her behalf. If she does and things continue the way they are then of course that may be something I'll need to consider even if it's just an informal chat.

elsien

Only if your wife wants to you. I had a well-meaning relative do similar without telling when I was off work with stress - I was furious with them and considered it completely out of order for the employer to engage with them without my consent. 

matticus7

Oh of course. I'd never do that without her knowing about it.

Savvy_Sue

As already stated, she is a manager, she is senior to the other staff, so she has both the right and the responsibility to discuss this with the owner. And given that she's pregnant, it's definitely the time to have that conversation. 

Arriving with at least a partial solution would be good ... rather than simply presenting a problem. 

If she can identify another member of staff who is ready to take on the responsibility, then discussing with the owner what additional training would be required, how to organise that, and how to give them the necessary experience would be a good step. 

If she doesn't feel that anyone else is ready for this, then discussing the need to appoint an additional supervisor in good time would be sensible, and also requesting that she is given at least 24 hours notice of any additional shifts which will be required.  Personally, I'd start to have a few 'I can't change this appointment' entries in my calendar for the end of early shifts. And I might start communicating to the owner along the lines of "you've asked me to stay late only when I arrived three times this last week, just to let you know that I won't be able to do so next week." No need to say why, just "I won't be able to do so." She might want to practice "I won't be able to do so" a few times. 

Because it sounds as if it's the owner deciding on the day that she doesn't want to stay late, and she should certainly be organising things better! But as long as the OP's wife plays willing, she can just keep doing this. 

It might also help to write down in advance what she wants to achieve, perhaps in a letter form which she can hand over if it becomes difficult to arrange a conversation ... 

TELLIT01

As a person in a management role it's not unusual to be expected to work extra hours on occasion if the need arises.  This seems to be far beyond 'on occasion'.  Add to that the fact that the OPs wife is pregnant and the priority must be her own well being.  Before long the employer is going to have to find a replacement / backup so the sooner they do that the better for all involved.  Sadly it would seem that the OP's wife will have to start playing the pregnancy card to reduce he working hours although she clearly doesn't want to do that.

The way she is being treated/used by the owners makes it pretty clear they don't give a damn about anything other than themselves.

getmore4less

What are the opening hours?

if mainly being asked to cover the later hours  do more of those late shifts and turn the phone off when outside work so you can't be called in.

Another strategy is to be busy and make it known you can't stay late. 

Get signed off if it is affecting her health around a pregnancy

MalMonroe

Here we all are, talking about your wife and what she should and should not do, as if she has no mind of her own. But what about her? What does she want? One of my friends worked for a nursery - it closed down and she was made redundant before coronavirus struck - and she worked for many more hours than contracted (unpaid) because she was concerned about the children and babies who went there. She was expected to do paperwork in her own time and basically was treated like dirt. She only stayed because she loved the children, and working with them. When the nursery shut, it was a blessing in disguise for her really as she would never have left under her own steam.

However, your wife will be leaving soon. All she has to do is hand her notice in now. You say that she struggles with her own mental health and that you have three other children. It may be kinder for her to never have to return to work and for her to see what benefits would be available. 

I'm sorry to also be discussing your wife, possibly without her knowledge but I do feel for her and also feel that she should NOT have to work full time when she has four children and poor mental health. There's more to life than money, perhaps you could try to encourage your wife to think about herself for once. 

MalMonroe

Tealblue said:

elsien said:

But that isn't her problem, it's her employers.
There is someone else; there is the owner. It is up to the owner to find alternative cover and potentially employ someone else if the hours are needed on such a regular basis.
 

Got it in one - but while OP's wife continues to allow herself to be put upon, there is no incentive for the owner to do anything about the situation.

I rarely think it's a good idea to get other family members involved, but where someone is pregnant and has mental issues, and for whatever reason can't or won't do anything to help herself, maybe this is that rare occasion where direct contact between spouse and employer is going to be the only way to improve matters.

No. Direct contact between spouse and employer is never a good thing. I'd leave my partner if such a thing ever happened - and I'm not even joking. That kind of control is never good. That really is overstepping. And in this case, OP's wife will have to leave soon anyway. 

elsien

MalMonroe said:

Here we all are, talking about your wife and what she should and should not do, as if she has no mind of her own. But what about her? What does she want? One of my friends worked for a nursery - it closed down and she was made redundant before coronavirus struck - and she worked for many more hours than contracted (unpaid) because she was concerned about the children and babies who went there. She was expected to do paperwork in her own time and basically was treated like dirt. She only stayed because she loved the children, and working with them. When the nursery shut, it was a blessing in disguise for her really as she would never have left under her own steam.

However, your wife will be leaving soon. All she has to do is hand her notice in now. You say that she struggles with her own mental health and that you have three other children. It may be kinder for her to never have to return to work and for her to see what benefits would be available. 

I'm sorry to also be discussing your wife, possibly without her knowledge but I do feel for her and also feel that she should NOT have to work full time when she has four children and poor mental health. There's more to life than money, perhaps you could try to encourage your wife to think about herself for once. 

She might not want to hand her notice in, and may wish to keep her options open till the end of her maternity leave and see how she feels then about returning, which she has every right to do. It may be that the job would be fine if the employer wasn't taking the proverbial. Some people find it is work that preserves their sanity rather than being at home full time. 
Each to their own, however I was presuming that OP is fully aware of what his wife wants and is supporting her to achieve it. 

matticus7

Regarding her hours she works 7am - 6pm almost every day (usually due to the extra hours) but her shifts always start at 7, she never gets a late start. Once she's in thats when they ask if she can stay another hour or two so a 7am - 4pm shift suddenly becomes 6pm etc so she can't ignore the request unfortunately.

In terms of what she wants... she just wants to do her job without almost doubling her hours. She loves her job because of the kids even though the pay isn't great. If I was to work out her total hours in terms of things she's not paid to do outside of work like buying "employee of the month", staff birthday gifts and making things for the kids like handmade Christmas cards (stuff she just doesn't have time to do inside work) on her days off then she'd be well under minimum wage. 

I have discussed that she can leave if she wants but she's not an idle person so sitting around doing nothing all day would make her worse (her words) and she didn't like it when she took a career break after our last child for a year. I don't care if she works but I'm also not going to tell her she should be at home with the kids.