Random

acsrjsk

Hi there

This is not about money saving but this is the only forum I know - apologise for posting.

I am 38, alone and literally no family. I have family connection overseas but in the UK alone. I am divorced and no friends.

I have somewhat a decent job but its nowhere near good enough to what my parents hoped I would have been. I am stuck in this job, which hate but cant leave as I am very unemployable. I cant work with people and get confrontational.

Years ago my parents spent so much money putting me through decent education that my brother didn't get. They hoped I would settle with a decent family which wont materialise.

My school "friends" all have a successful career and families.

I am not smart, very stupid, and unable to think for myself or remain calm. I cannot handle real problems and somehow managed to escape real life issues so far.

I was bullied at school, I am unlikable now by everyone - that's what I think anyway, I have no hobbies (dont even know what I interested in!), i am lazy, drink and smoke and eat takeaways and junk food. I put so much weight on especially after lockdown. Women hate me and I cant have a normal social conversation without coming across as a freak or just boring - so I generally avoid people.

I am not capable of loving anyone and defo dont want to. I will never have a serious relationship after my divorce 5 years ago. Divorce was my fault then again it is probably for the better for her. I regret ruining her life also - I was uncontrollably nasty in the process after the divorce but part of me thinks it was right.

I have a great talent in driving people away from me and get them to hate me.
I am a good example of a wasteful human being. What should I do with myself? Continue my life like this till I die? When I eventually pass there isnt even anyone to notice I am dead. Is there anyone there as bad as I am?

I also feel that I have let down my family so badly in everyway possible - the opportunities they gave me I just blew everything away, when it could have gone to my brother.

Browntoa

You need to talk to your GP about these thoughts .

Possibly also someone like the Samaritans over the phone .

You need professional help to see your way through this 

xylophone

You must make an appointment to see your doctor - he/she will help you.

Teapot55

Yes. Make an appointment with your GP. If they’re not sympathetic or helpful (this can sometimes happen) ask for an appointment with a different doctor. 

It’s good that you’ve got a job. Even a very mundane & ordinary job can be a good escape & distraction from stuff at home. 

I’m assuming you are okay for money & managing on your income?  If so, that’s a big plus point. If not, there’s plenty of practical advice to be had from Money Saving Expert, both on the actual website & on this forum. 

While you’re waiting for the GP appointment start cutting down on the fags if you can - keep a list so you can see your victories. Every time you fancy a smoke set yourself a distraction & put off the evil moment 😜

Drink plenty of water as this is good for you. If you’re peckish between meals drink a glass of water or low-calorie squash. Try to ‘eat a rainbow’ every day. Cooked is good or raw. You don’t have to become a rabbit - carrots & frozen peas & tinned tomatoes are good. So is tinned spaghetti (Heinz or whatever). 

Good luck & come back & let people know how you’re getting on. 

Newly_retired

You are far from stupid as you wrote most coherently.