Should I add my partner to the mortgage?

tim_london

People are living longer, 42% of marriages end up in divorces so in my opinion you are very right to be protective about your wealth.  Marriage or no marriage does not matter, there are prenups for a reason.

Primary concern seems to be "if we break up do I have to sell the house".  In theory that would never happen, if he is contributing a third of the mortgage then whatever happens you can release the equity to pay his share and get it over with.  

I definitely think he should own the 1/3rd (or whatever) he is contributing.  Despite the fact that he would have rented if he weren't with you, that's stepping in the zone of woulda, shoulda, coulda.  You can easily make a counter argument that he would have 'studied' or 'took other business chances' to have higher income if he weren't with you.  Imbalance of monthly outgoing contribution for me isn't a valid argument.  You can always go out without him, but you chose to pay for the companionship and that is your choice.

I wouldn't consider 50/50 unless he was a stay at home dad.

Meh123

So I’m going to hit this from the ‘human side’ of things.
I’m happily married (he’s the higher earner) but we’re very much equal with regards to property/financial access. 

However, when we met I had a place and he didn’t. He lived at ‘mine’, we got married, we got ‘our’ place and thats how it’s been since. What we have is ours.
however, if he’d made it clear he didn’t want to have a legally binding relationship with me, but wanted a legal share of a property that was originally mine I would have probably felt the same and alarm bells would have rang. 

I 100% feel that you don’t need to be married to have a full, happy and long relationship but meh, for me that would cause me to feel slightly uncomfortable (and it would be the same If it was the other way around and it was a man writing this)
the decision is yours to make, and I appreciate this response doesn’t really help you make it.......but I also understand the reservations. 

RTC87

I earn five times what my partner earns, we have been together almost 10 years and we don't see it as my money and her money. It is just our household income.

You talk about being partners but then I feel all the caveats in your post point to it as a business transaction, he is either your partner in life or a lodger, but not both.

I don't get the mindset to be honest, it's just foreign to me. You love him and want to build a family together, to me that's the biggest commitment you can make the rest should just follow. 

Will sound harsh I know but really think this is a conflict in priorities. 

blue_max_3

How are you going to split any child? 

fewcloudy

In all the time we've been together (34 years), I've earned more money than she has.  But that hardly tells the real story of who has contributed what into our life together, none of which has a monetary value.
Joint bank accounts, everything split down the middle, mortgages, pensions, the lot, without question.
We have known for many years that we would each be poorer for being separate, and not just financially.
Strongly suspect that if I had treated her as some sort of lodger from the beginning we would not be together!
I'm sorry; I doubt this is going to work out. Although you talk about a Human interest, it's like you are negotiating contracts in business. I would not feel loved if I were him in this situation, bargaining for my future.

jetblack61

I've come across this post whilst searching for advice on EXACTLY the same topic, so wanted to just throw my support in for the OP.

I'm in the same type of unmarried relationship - I earn more, had my own place which he moved into with me, he contributes half of the outgoings to me (bills, nursery costs, and "rent" which is equivalent to half the mortgage). We're about to move, mortgage remains in my sole name.

He has no savings, isn't contributing to the deposit and we know work needs doing on the new house which will be reliant on me paying for it. He's questioning whether to go on the mortgage (he's SE and income is somewhat variable) despite us already discussing a cohabitation agreement to protect both our interests going forward. He doesn't want to lose out by not being on the mortgage if that's more beneficial to him...but I don't want him having a greater share than I feel he's entitled to by putting him on the mortgage.

Have read the replies to OP with interest and want to add that I completely understand why she wants to do this "right" and "fair" in their eyes.

kimwp

I favour income being split equally once bills and savings have been paid as a general thing. But I'm now wondering about assets that you go into the relationship with.
I think for you, perhaps the following:
- expenses not including mortgage  either paid equally or proportionally and considered to be paid equally. This would be bills, meals out, holidays etc anything you choose to spend above the agreed split having a better life together than he could afford (nicer holidays etc) is not tallied up.
- I would stop charging "rent", but given that you pay to rent his office, maybe compare the cost of that vs the rent he has given you and his time doing work on the house and consider that he should pay the money instead to renting his office. That way he is not losing money paying rent on the house.
- You can choose to add him to the house ownership on whatever split you agree, but I'm not sure this is necessary at the moment - all it serves is to make things more complicated and expensive if you split up. If you stay together, then you are both benefiting.

It really depends if you want to go " all-in" or not. It definitely sounds like a significant financial imbalance, particularly as you seem to be funding his business and I don't think it's reasonable of him to expect you to pay for his offices, but expect part ownership of the house due to paying you a different pot of money. The counterargument is that by being a couple and becoming a family, there's an implicit expectation that you are agreeing to support each other - how would you feel if the situation reversed?

HCIMbtw

Drawing up a "Cohabitation Agreement" to ring fence your deposit plus a 66%/34% split sounds sensible.  

I second the poster who made the above comment. You protect your deposit, split any equity in mortgage payments or property value growth above this 65-35%  (the proportion you are each paying of the mortgage). 

The rest of it bills and lifestyles is all your own choice.

If you don't want him entitled to any of the mortgage payments/growth in the property then I suggest you end your relationship and pay all the mortgage yourself. 

fewcloudy

@drfl Hi, how did you get on with your dilemma?