Should I add my partner to the mortgage?

drfl

I have a complicated situation and need some advice - there is both a financial and human side to this so I need to consider the "right" thing to do both financially and morally. 

I have been with my partner for approximately 6 years. For various reasons they do not want to get married, however we are actively trying for a family (i.e. ina. committed relationship and in it for the "long haul"). We have lived together for a little over 3 years - for 6 months in my old home and now in a new home, which we chose together but that I am the sole owner of. We have done some work to the property for which I have mostly paid for (he has contributed several hundred pounds, but my contributions run into the thousands) but he has undertaken a lot of the work himself so there is a cost in terms of his time which I fully recognise. 

We split living costs equally (bills, food, council tax), but I have paid for any emergency repairs on the property - plumbers etc. 

In terms of mortgage contribution he contributes 35% of the monthly amount and I contribute the remaining 65%. 

His salary is about 1/3 of mine and he has no cash savings to constitute a deposit. I have a significant deposit in the property (approximately 1/3 of its value), which I have via an inheritance and capital growth/mortgage overpayments on my previous property. 

He wants to be added to the mortgage when it is up for renewal - i'm unclear if the mortgage company would lend to him but let's assume they would. 
His argument is he is throwing money away renting - he is not accumulating money in the property and is clearly contributing to the mortgage, and improvement works around the home. He has no funds to buy a property separately and doesn't want to be "paying rent" for the rest of his life. ]

While I understand that, my concern is: I currently own the home alone. If I add him to the mortgage (for which there is no financial incentive in the form of a lump sum to reduce the mortgage burden/cost), and we subsequently break up, I would have to sell the home that was once mine to give him "his share" out of the property. I appreciate I can ring fence my deposit, and could draw up an agreement on a 35/65% split going forward BUT there are certainly some caveats: lets say the roof caves in and it's not covered by insurance - he does not have much disposable income so wouldn't be able to contribute to the repair cost i would have to shoulder that - it would be difficult to reconcile legally in terms of me retaining that contribution. He is also living in a property much nicer than he could otherwise afford (we set the rent at what he was paying to live with a friend prior, which was a small 2-bed run down flat and we currently live in a 3-bed semi with a beautiful garden). 

I had suggested an alternative of - we buy a house as a BTL; I can withdraw a chunk of equity from the property which we use as a deposit and then we use the income from the BTL to repay that equity, plus the additional mortgage on the BTL property. Ive found a property that would cover those payments and would enable him therefore to be on the property ladder, benefiting from any rise (although not guaranteed) in house prices, while also accumulating equity in the new property. He doesn't like the idea and would rather just be on the mortgage here as it's less complicated. 

I love him, and trust him and think he has only good intentions but don't want to end up with egg on my face. 

Help. 

brewthebear

So your happy for him to pay third of the mortgage but not so to him having a third share ?? In that case pay all the mortgage yourself that way 100% yours and he can save his money to get a deposit for his own house What is the point of being in a secure relationship wanting kids but not willing to be fair about the property !!

Thrugelmir

Can understand your partners position as he is effectively paying you rent. Should your relationship break down. He walks away with nothing to start a new life with. Be in even worse position financially if you start a family. At a point you need to commit fully to a relationship. Not just be partners when it's convenient. 

tim_london

When you bought the current home, did he sign the 'zero interest in property' declaration or did you not mention him as a lodger?  Because if he didn't sign it then legally he can claim interest in the property if things turn ugly either way.

Your 'what if the roof caves in and insurance does not cover' example for me just slightly crossed the line of worrying too much.  I think the risk offsets the fact that he does most of the manual labour in the house.  Drawing up a "Cohabitation Agreement" to ring fence your deposit plus a 66%/34% split sounds sensible.  

Reading you post, sounds like he is insecure emotionally and you are more financially sensible.  Personally I think you guys need to sit down and reconcile that difference, whether he is on the same page as you or just accept you are more financially capable and let you handle it.  "Put me on the mortgage to show me you love me" sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.  I wouldn't let that hang if you are starting a family.  

drfl

Thanks for all your advice so far. I want to do the right thing by him - I hope that was clear from my original post when I said there is clearly a human aspect to this too, and I am trying to ensure I'm fair (thanks!). 

My concerns I suppose come from having been exceptionally poor growing up and having worked very hard, and made sacrifices to be where I am now (which I don't deny, is quite comfortable) - my last house forever I sold because he didn't want to live in it - it was in a "rough" area, but that enabled me to keep the mortgage payments low and save. I fund our "lifestyle" - meals out, holidays etc and am paying for an outside office building for him to run his company from, rent free.

As mentioned before he lives in our house for far below the "market" rental - I see all of these things as us being "partners". I haven't charged him what I could, I asked for what he was paying in rent prior to moving in and half the bills. If he had a deposit in order to reduce the mortgage burden and therefore money spent on interest clearly adding him to the mortgage would benefit us both, but in this situation it benefits only him. I appreciate that he's then paying rent and not "gaining" anything, but he would be having to pay SOMEONE rent if we weren't together - he couldn't buy his own place. I would struggle to ask him to pay half of bills only, no contribution in the form of rent, and then still be paying for meals out, holidays etc. I don't feel that would be fair. 

The main concern is being asked to move out of my home if we were to break up - I'd always said if we got married then we'd just share everything 50/50 - so perhaps it's me thats emotionally insecure?

If we stay together all of this is a moot point. If we break up I can see myself really kicking myself for adding him to the mortgage, but I don't want to be unfair to him. 

:-|

drfl

When you bought the current home, did he sign the 'zero interest in property' declaration 

Yes he did :-)
Thanks for the tip though. 

getmore4less

When you want to live/spend your life  with someone if you are the bigger earner you can either use the lowest common denominator approach and do the things the lower earner can afford or you take the hit and pay the difference if you want better.


You say you could raise funds with a bigger mortgage so if you did go in joint and it went belly up you could buy him out rather than sell.

On your numbers 
mortgage split  65% 35%
deposit ~ 33%  mortgage 67%
(Adjust for real numbers)
That would give him (0.67*0.35) ~  24% beneficial interest in the property and be responsible for 35% of debt.

That sort of work for a  3:1 salary ratio but if you just do the mortgage that would reduce the share to 16.75% and 25% of the debt

In view of the other costs going on maybe reduce that to say 10%-15% so he has a bit more free cash to contribute to the to the the odd meal out and other stuff and you get to keep a little more of the house.

Has he suggested a split or  is he just looking for some  recognition that he is there for more than a kiss, cuddle, baby making.

I would not go down the BTL route that complicates even more than where you are now.

The alternative if you can't give up ownership is to stop charging any contribution(no "rent")  you only share living costs.

MovingForwards

This bit jumped out at me:
I fund our "lifestyle" - meals out, holidays etc and am paying for an outside office building for him to run his company from, rent free.

Plus when you add this bit into it too:
We split living costs equally (bills, food, council tax), but I have paid for any emergency repairs on the property - plumbers etc. 

Then this bit:
We have done some work to the property for which I have mostly paid for (he has contributed several hundred pounds, but my contributions run into the thousands) but he has undertaken a lot of the work himself so there is a cost in terms of his time which I fully recognise. 

It sounds like you are paying out a lot for this relationship and I would be worried in your shoes.

How would everything be covered financially if you have one child, before getting into the nursery costs and costs associated with having a child (children)? 

brewthebear

If ? he is your partner ( in love ) then why are you charging rent. He,s not a lodger, why is it not a share of the mortgage ...Sounds like you want it all ways 

greensalad

Having been (and still currently am technically, though the disparity is lower) earner is tough in a relationship where you are not all-in. Given the current situation he will never be able to afford a stake in a property of his own, as he said. Personally having been there I feel his request is completely reasonable.

But then I am personally not comfortable with "my money and your money" when in a long-term relationship. It's different if you're very young, or have only been in a relationship for a short while, but if you're looking to have kids together then personally I feel you should combine finances and be done with it. The whole point of a monogamous partnership, whether married or not, in my opinion is to pool resources and time to be able to support each other. I understand you say he cannot support financially but it sounds like he supports you in other ways e.g doing things around the house. 

If you have a child together and, god forbid, you die, would you expect all your money to go to your child or to your partner to continue living in the home you share together?

The idea of owning a house completely separate from someone who is for all intents and purposes a spouse to be is crazy. 

JessJ23425

How dreadfully formal for a 6 year relationship!
You actually call it "his rent" as if you're his landlord? Not surprised he wants something to change!

 Seems like you know the options and the pros and cons of both options already however.