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Wow wee oh my - trying to hack away at my £54k debt (was even about to book a holiday)

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  • Rainbowtrousers
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    The consultancy side hustle sounds like a good idea. What can you earn from that? What sort of law is it you do? Could you move back into a higher paying role? I know the hours can be brutal, which probably contributes to that need to go nuts on the holidays etc. Make up for lost time. I’m actually contemplating moving into commercial law myself. 


    Your taking mortgage breaks to pay for holidays made me chuckle. I’ve not been financially responsible enough to even bother saving for a mortgage but that’s the sort of thing I would’ve done. Went to Dubai for what was supposed to be a cheap trip as my mate was there on a work trip and I had some holiday to use. Ended up meeting up with a uni mate who lives out there and staying an extra week on the never never, changed my flight without even contemplating cost. My zero rate card with a £5k limit ran out of funds while I was there, when I was supposed to pay for a round of drinks. Was so embarrassing. Though not as embarrassing as the time 3 cards got declined on a date and she ended up paying :lol: Never want to go back there again, even though I had an amazing few years living without even thinking about money. 

    Lol re: forum! Will ping you a message re: room. When the office is open again I’ll be based at Canary Wharf (though could also work from Westminster). If I got my own place I was looking around London Bridge (some bargains at the moment) but then it’ll be a lot longer before I can buy, so sensible me is thinking renting a room makes sense...
    Great post and thanks for sharing!
    Any money that came my way also went on lavish things.
    So for consultancy work in can probably get an extra £200/£250 per day. Will write to you personally off the forum for a little more details on my area as it is semi niche so may blow my thin cover :)
    Well this is it ... the years really have been amazing. Last two years i have been on a beach in 30 degree heat to see in the new years ... didn't even cross my mind that it was overspending. I still find myself looking at flights (especially now with this lockdown business ...... )

  • Rainbowtrousers
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    I've been equally mortified and entertained reading this.
    But still thought I'd chuck my two pennies worth in!
    I think you haven't acknowledged how close your house if cards is to collapse especially in light  of the previous posters comments on your rental and possible effects on your job.
    What I think would help is too look at your lifestyle differently.
    Are you spinning to many expensive plates... perhaps pick a couple to keep spinning. 
    By this I mean your choosing expensive everything... House, car, clothes, hobbies, holidays.
    Perhaps look at your friends... are they spinning all of these or just some or perhaps they are on a similar wage but have a partner on a similar significant wage and so are spending within their means.
    An example... some very wealthy and successful people choose to keep a simple wardrobe of a signature style and spend low in this area.
    Some choose a cheaper car and spend big on holidays.
    Some choose meals out over holidays.
    Could you choose one area to go big on and choose to cut down on others. 
    I wonder how much you spend on a days surfing compared to me. The hobbies the same but I guess the spending will be different. 

    Also check out different lifestyles and look for what would make you happy I mean really happy long term and steer yourself in that direction.

    That said, I do think your like me in that you see your money, see where you want to spend it and then spend the amount several times on what you wanted but you forgot you can only spend your money once. I've had to learn to choose wisely to be happy.

    And check out the cars in Aldi's carpark! You can spot thoose who choose posh cars but choose to cut back on the food bill!

    I've rambled enough, good look and choose well.





    That was a great ramble! What has your journey been as you are now just saving to be mortgage free? Have you always been good at saving?
    That is good advice. I think the trouble is that i have always been in debt and that has been a bit of a cycle. Take on more debt and then focus on paying it off. Repeat for 20 years. Maybe part of this is because i have never had any solid goals to save for  ... or maybe because i have been in debt i could only really live month to month and not think beyond that
    I am actually enjoying the budgeting process. You may laugh but i do see myself as someone who likes a bargain and can be good with money. Surfing conditions were great at the weekend and i took a flask of hot chocolate for me and my friends to have after (we usually go to costa coffee after which costs £6/7 each by the time you grab a cookie too) 
    So for the first time ever i had a budget this month. I think i went about £50 over. Will review and post here later on for some tips from everyone. Thanks again for taking the time to write. 
  • Rainbowtrousers
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    alt80 said:
    @Rainbowtrousers I basically have notoriety on here for the Supercharged RR - someone was up in Notts the other day and wondering if every RR that passed was me haha hilarious. Can't wait for the day I'm cruising down to AM for real tbf.

    How can you not want to spend Christmas / NYE in London???! One of the best NYEs my wife and I have had. Mind I live in Nottingham so probably doesn't take a lot to impress me ha.

    If that BTL doesn't have consent to let GET IT SORTED NOW. You're going to have a lot bigger things to worry about than a few £k on cards if the lender found out. The whole mortgage could be called in and I wouldn't be at all surprised to hear you could potentially lose your ability to practice as a Solicitor over it tbf I don't know the requirements for that but I'm getting anxious just thinking about what you've been doing re mortgages both res home and BTL. Strange how people's risk profiles differ - maybe I'm getting a taste of how others on here feel about my cars haha. 

    Can definitely see how upbringings have contributed to spending habits. Yours just sounds grim tbh mine was as funny as it was chaotic. If my dad didn't have a bet on it, it was probably because it was dead. Tbf I was massively shamed at school for telling the teacher I was going to make it big, drive by her's in a new Bentley throwing £50s out the window - just 100 bravado / stupid kid stuff. She was married to the bloke who ran the petrol station closest to dad's pub and my dad actually had a Bentley (a 60's T1 which was knackered, whole street awash with blue smoke when he started that thing in the morning) but was known locally for doling out bad cheques. Teacher's response 'might go someway to compensating husband for all the petrol your dad has cheated us from'. Look back and laugh but we lived in a really affluent rural area, parents owned and ran a big Georgian pub/ restaurant/ B&B place, so the burn from her was  f**king mortifying at the time lol but when that bell rang and my sister and I jumped in the back of the Benters nothing else mattered we felt like school royalty (wasn't throwing blue smoke everywhere by then haha).
    You need to take the wife to Rio ..... start saving ha ha
    I have applied to consent to let. Have paid the fee and need to send the forms back. Thanks for highlighting that. What am i like eh 
    See this is it .. .the car thing probably would bother me but sitting on a flight to the carribean for me on a holiday i could not afford would not stress me at all
    Have you been budgeting? How has being on here helped you? How klong did it take to get over giving the jag back? Did you feel like a failure? I am trying to process some strange feelings right now ... But all good and i remain optimistic to the max 
  • alt80
    alt80 Posts: 4,303 Forumite
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    @Rainbowtrousers ha I’ve had some good holidays too. Not anywhere near so bothered about holidays as I am about cars though lol. 

    I’m so pleased you’re sorting the consent to let out. I would really consider if property is a way forward for you or not. It concerns me you lack experience and have needed to be reminded to seek consent to let - it can go wrong. 

    Budgeting - yes begrudgingly. 

    Being on here - other peoples points of view have been really helpful to me (some haven’t tbf but lots have) - spent too long wrapped up in my own image not even going to lie. Think you’re in a lot better place mindset wise than me though.

    How long to get over the Jag - I’m not. Feel annoyed about it every single day both losing the ftype and the 911 I pxed for it and owned outright. 

    Do I feel like a failure? - yes 100%. I don’t want to live my life like this. By most people’s standards I earn well but not close to being enough for me. My aim has long been £20k/m but that seems to slip further from any grasp of reality as each year passes now we’re facing the latest covid bs which will no doubt affect the ability for the economy to recover. 

    I’m not optimistic about this at all tbh just facing the punishment so wrong person to ask re the mindset lol. Basically feel I’m 40 this month and my life is over. Great.
  • enthusiasticsaver
    enthusiasticsaver Posts: 15,738 Ambassador
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    Some people do need a DMP or some sort of debt plan but sometimes all is needed is a budget as in the OPs case. Sometimes they are able to self manage rather than use stepchange or payplan. There is no need to do an soa twice. They can use the same one having pulled all the figures together here first.  If you were feeling suicidal your case was obviously extreme but we get all sorts of cases here from those who just need a bit of input to see the wood for the trees to those who feel it is helpless and yes sometimes we suggest a debt agency and in fact some of the commentators on here work for them. I myself trained as a debt counsellor so there is a wealth of experience and to be honest if everyone went direct to debt agencies they would quickly be overwhelmed. They are charities after all so limited resources. Glad they helped you though. 
    Hello again and just to tap into your debt counselling experience if i may please... as previously mentioned i am an all round positive and optimistic person. I am curious, do/did your clients feel regrets for previous overspending once they start to budget and count the pennies? I gave some stuff to the charity shop a few months ago on the basis that i'd buy some new expensive stuff in the winter. Of course now those things are way way way beyond my budget. I imagine this is temporary and that i will feel pretty relieved i am not getting into more debt shortly and that this is just a passing phase? Just to mention again, not depressed at all just curious about these feelings. 
    I was employed by a high street bank as a mortgage arrears counsellor so as such I was working for them rather than those in debt but I would say people fell into one of two  categories.  Those were in debt due to their situation. Unemployment, sickness, loss of overtime etc  and   those who were bad at budgeting and had the money to pay essential bills but were prioritising other lifestyle choices etc.  Once I had gone through an soa with them it was as if  they had suddenly seen the light and until then had just been floundering around trying to pay everyone and gradually sinking into a spiral of debt. 

    I guess in your situation you fall in the middle of those categories.  No offence meant but it seems budgeting was not something you did before and that combined with your lower income is what has led to your debts.  I did not often come up against people in your situation as mortgage payments are usually a priority for most people who have a decent income as you do but as for the other spending they did yes most definitely there was usually an element of regret about past decisions.  I said to them as I say to you.  You can learn from this and move forward.  Just resolve never to put yourself in this situation again and then the mistakes are not wasted.  It is making the same mistakes over and over again which are the problem.  This is why debt consolidation does not work.  People don't learn and keep making poor choices until they are forced to deal with it. 
    I’m a Forum Ambassador and I support the Forum Team on the Debt free Wannabe, Budgeting and Banking and Savings and Investment boards. If you need any help on these boards, do let me know. Please note that Ambassadors are not moderators. Any posts you spot in breach of the Forum Rules should be reported via the report button, or by emailing forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com. All views are my own and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.
  • Rainbowtrousers
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    alt80 said:
    @Rainbowtrousers ha I’ve had some good holidays too. Not anywhere near so bothered about holidays as I am about cars though lol. 

    I’m so pleased you’re sorting the consent to let out. I would really consider if property is a way forward for you or not. It concerns me you lack experience and have needed to be reminded to seek consent to let - it can go wrong. 

    Budgeting - yes begrudgingly. 

    Being on here - other peoples points of view have been really helpful to me (some haven’t tbf but lots have) - spent too long wrapped up in my own image not even going to lie. Think you’re in a lot better place mindset wise than me though.

    How long to get over the Jag - I’m not. Feel annoyed about it every single day both losing the ftype and the 911 I pxed for it and owned outright. 

    Do I feel like a failure? - yes 100%. I don’t want to live my life like this. By most people’s standards I earn well but not close to being enough for me. My aim has long been £20k/m but that seems to slip further from any grasp of reality as each year passes now we’re facing the latest covid bs which will no doubt affect the ability for the economy to recover. 

    I’m not optimistic about this at all tbh just facing the punishment so wrong person to ask re the mindset lol. Basically feel I’m 40 this month and my life is over. Great.
    Thanks for for replying on a Sunday. 
    On re-reading my message that may have been badly phrased and a little bit personal. 
    Mindsets are exactly the same. I got refused for a secured loan last year for 110k (I’ve a decent amount of equity in my place too) and part of that was to be spent on a c class amg. 
    I think even going a month or two resisting the impulses and sticking to a budget and the confidence and control feeling will quickly appear.
    then we can start planning the Rio trip :)
  • MidsHollie
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    Mindset is really hard when paying off debt. 
    I wouldn’t say I regret what I spent on (mainly house, holidays and experiences) but looking back I certainly would do things differently. I took advice to buy as much house as you can afford, but wish I had been more modest. I do bloody love my house though. 
    Now I’ve changed my mindset a bit, I actually can’t wait to go on a fully budgeted for holiday. I think setting boundaries enables you to make easier choices. If you know you have £100 spending money each day of holiday, your choices have to fit within that, and that is actually really freeing. 
    Do I struggle? Absolutely! I’m actually considering having a blow out November where I buy all the things on my list that I’d quite like. Not huge things, but things I don’t actually need. I won’t do it at the start but may well buy a few things towards the middle of the month! 
    A piece of advice on the Airbnb. It’s really odd to go and stay in someone’s home, who has moved out for the purpose of your stay. I don’t think you’d make as much money doing this, as having a purpose built, and I couldn’t cope with the stress and effort of it. It would be much more stressful than just letting out a room within your home on Airbnb. Each to their own though, and I am a huge fan of a passive income. 
    Good luck with the mindset. Do you know about the concept of grit as a personality trait? Debt pay off requires grit. You might not be talented at budgeting or saving. But you have to just keep trying, despite that, and you will succeed. If you loose that grit, you’ll not be as successful at your aim. 

    https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/6086606/debt-free-by-23/p1

    True LBM, December 2019 = £32934. Current Debt = £12762. 1% Challenge = 61.1%. #51 3-6 Month EF Challenge = £1200/£6000



  • Couldsavemore
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    s said:
    I've been equally mortified and entertained reading this.
    But still thought I'd chuck my two pennies worth in!
    I think you haven't acknowledged how close your house if cards is to collapse especially in light  of the previous posters comments on your rental and possible effects on your job.
    What I think would help is too look at your lifestyle differently.
    Are you spinning to many expensive plates... perhaps pick a couple to keep spinning. 
    By this I mean your choosing expensive everything... House, car, clothes, hobbies, holidays.
    Perhaps look at your friends... are they spinning all of these or just some or perhaps they are on a similar wage but have a partner on a similar significant wage and so are spending within their means.
    An example... some very wealthy and successful people choose to keep a simple wardrobe of a signature style and spend low in this area.
    Some choose a cheaper car and spend big on holidays.
    Some choose meals out over holidays.
    Could you choose one area to go big on and choose to cut down on others. 
    I wonder how much you spend on a days surfing compared to me. The hobbies the same but I guess the spending will be different. 

    Also check out different lifestyles and look for what would make you happy I mean really happy long term and steer yourself in that direction.

    That said, I do think your like me in that you see your money, see where you want to spend it and then spend the amount several times on what you wanted but you forgot you can only spend your money once. I've had to learn to choose wisely to be happy.

    And check out the cars in Aldi's carpark! You can spot thoose who choose posh cars but choose to cut back on the food bill!

    I've rambled enough, good look and choose well.





    That was a great ramble! What has your journey been as you are now just saving to be mortgage free? Have you always been good at saving?
    That is good advice. I think the trouble is that i have always been in debt and that has been a bit of a cycle. Take on more debt and then focus on paying it off. Repeat for 20 years. Maybe part of this is because i have never had any solid goals to save for  ... or maybe because i have been in debt i could only really live month to month and not think beyond that
    I am actually enjoying the budgeting process. You may laugh but i do see myself as someone who likes a bargain and can be good with money. Surfing conditions were great at the weekend and i took a flask of hot chocolate for me and my friends to have after (we usually go to costa coffee after which costs £6/7 each by the time you grab a cookie too) 
    So for the first time ever i had a budget this month. I think i went about £50 over. Will review and post here later on for some tips from everyone. Thanks again for taking the time to write. 
    I've done pretty much the same as you.
    Ran up debt, consolidated it, ran up more... sorted self out and repeat!
    I did spend about a number of years sorting myself out.
    Got married and left! 
    For me it wasn't cars but keeping horse on livery and still trying to keep up with friends who weren't on first name terms with the vet and farrier! I don't regret all the joy I had with my horse but I do regret the random waste of keeping up with the joneses.
    A couple of years back I was chipping away at mortgage payments.
    Then I bought a really nice caravan... then i needed to change my car... then came solar panels and as money got tight I was putting things on monthly instead of yearly then I started on paypal credit... so  basically I'd started loosing control again so back on here.
    Luckily I can service my debts, save 400 and put 200 in a big bill account.
    I totally get what you said about upward spiral. 
    I like being able to be honest and focused on paying off debt with people who are doung the same.
    No waves this weekend, tragic mislead was forecasting 1-2 ft. So I did think of paddleboarding but the off shore wind was forecast at 30mph.
    Good luck with your budget
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  • Rainbowtrousers
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    Thanks for all the replies :)
    So i have today been through my monzo account (what i am using for my monthly spend allowance) to see how i did against my budget for the month of October. I should say it has really made me see how i have been going wrong. So this does not include my gym membership, car tax, car insurance, utility bills, council tax, mobile phone, internet etc - it is just monthly spending. I have to say i have had the quietest month i have every had with no clothes purchases and no holidays or even a night out. 
    Here goes
    Yoga - £58
    Hair - £81
    Cleaner - £160
    Transport (petrol and train) - £40
    Gift for nephew - £10
    Meals out, cafe lunches and coffees - £146
    Food - £395 (some of this was shares with my brother)
    Total was £892
    Oh god thats crazy. And that's me being super careful .... 


  • TheAble
    TheAble Posts: 1,611 Forumite
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    Man clean your own house already!
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