The mental physchee that gets you into debt in first place?

bpott567

There's a quote I came across which I found interesting.
"The obsession with instant gratification, blinds us from long term potential".
This is true regarding debt and the "want now" mindset of todays society.

Everybody starts with having ZERO debt. Many people want to "look" rich, rather than build their wealth and live below their means.

Mitzj7374

I also think: If you’ve had a business and it’s done really well and it starts to reverse I believe that a major factor. I’ve spoken to other friends who run businesses and they all had that down slope so I guess it’s being more sensible..

MovingForwards

There's a whole host of things which go behind behaviour towards money.

People are shaped by their childhood and what they see growing up.

For me that was my mom being a single parent on benefits, under constant threat of having the house repossessed, Christmas came from a catalogue with a tiny allowance to pick something to open on the day, hand me downs, TV rental where money was put in the back of it, prepayment gas and electric. No central heating, no double glazing, one gas fire for the whole house and the emersion would go on once a week.

When I got out and away I had no understanding of money, didn't like money (reasons I won't go into) and did my shopping / paid bills each time I got paid, didn't matter what I did with the rest. After a few years I started dating someone who later went on to be my husband (now ex), he was also clueless about money (his dad had money, but it's financial abuse what his dad did to his mom), plus my now ex's first wife dealt with the financial side so he never got to learn. 

In the 4 years since I started over, which involved moving away from family, I've turned my life around. Learned to save / budget, cleared my debts, purchased a home this year and am building my savings up each month. 

Like one of the other members, I could have borrowed more for my mortgage, but I set myself a budget as to how much I would spend on my home. That was dictated to by the sub-prime lenders criteria for minimum value and my home came in at £3k over it. It took 3.5 years to get the 15% deposit, plus my arrangement fee, broker fee and solicitors costs, all while clearing my debts. Before the first mortgage payment came out I was making overpayments as I'm determined to clear this in 10 years.

I also recently started a SIPP and pay into that, plus I have my work pension I pay into.

The way I manage my money isn't for everyone, but it works for me and has done since I moved. I have different pots for different aspects of my life. I run a small, old car, and have just swapped to a SIM only contract. Clothes are one in, one out and generally from charity shops. Most of my furniture was used from a charity shop, the bed / mattress which was new, nice and we'll priced; it's amazing what the charity shops sell. 

The friends I've made since starting over, can see a massive change in my appearance, I'm not that stressed / anxious person I once was. I laugh, joke and smile. Even I barely remember the person I was before, but I remember enough to know I will never see her again.

Agentmomo

What a fascinating thread and posts, which has made me want to share my own debt story....
My ex husband had massive debts when we first met and then led to (his) depression and him then wandering off with another woman, sorry, probably a different forum required for that one! However, I entered that marriage with very little debt, probably less than a grand on a couple of credit cards when we met that I was paying more than the minimum payments every month. That was 20 years ago... During our marriage I took out further credit cards and loans, I left our marriage with a split payout of £13k but at that time was around £20k in unsecured debt. Still in my 20's at the time I managed to get a mortgage and moved into my own house. Given that over a 3rd of my sole income went towards my mortgage, it wasn't long until I was relying on credit to eat and do anything else I wanted to, socialise etc.... The rest of my wages went on council tax, utilities, car, etc.... Still being relatively young I wanted "nice things", new clothes, nights out, big holidays, weekends away etc.... Totally living beyond my means, so in my late 20's I took out a secured loan. Worst decision ever. With hindsight, I should have approached Step change or the ilk but all of sudden I couldn't make up even the minimum payments on my Credit cards and loans. Almost lost my house until a family member stepped in to make those arrears go away, (since paid back in full at 0% interest). So where am I now? Well in my mid 40's and in a new relationship, thankfully from his side with 0 debt, Did I learn my lesson after almost losing my house? No of course I didn't at first, I had many "sod it" moments. "Life is for living." What has helped is this forum. The lemonfool SOA and snowball calculators. I still have debt around £7k on credit cards (now all on 0% interest and I am pleased to finally be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel.) In summary I don't want anyone out there struggling right now to think that everyone else is managing their debts marvelously because speaking from personal habits that simply doesn't happen, certainly not right away. You have to change your lifestyle and spending habits, seems simple right, but it has taken me over 20 years to realise that and I'm not there yet. So my advice is this. Check your bank statements , note where every penny goes. We all may want to go to the Maldives but are you really in the position right now to do so, probably not. A shot of Starbucks or Costa coffee every morning on your way into work may seem just lovely but can you really afford it? That night out that cost you over £100 with drinks, meals and taxi's, should you have just invited those friends round to yours instead? Credit is ace when you can hide behind it believing you can live a lifestyle you really can't afford. Then one day you wake up and realise you can't. I am 46 years old and have only recently realised that truth. Hope this helps and thank you for reading my story  

Mitzj7374

Agentmomo said:

What a fascinating thread and posts, which has made me want to share my own debt story....
My ex husband had massive debts when we first met and then led to (his) depression and him then wandering off with another woman, sorry, probably a different forum required for that one! However, I entered that marriage with very little debt, probably less than a grand on a couple of credit cards when we met that I was paying more than the minimum payments every month. That was 20 years ago... During our marriage I took out further credit cards and loans, I left our marriage with a split payout of £13k but at that time was around £20k in unsecured debt. Still in my 20's at the time I managed to get a mortgage and moved into my own house. Given that over a 3rd of my sole income went towards my mortgage, it wasn't long until I was relying on credit to eat and do anything else I wanted to, socialise etc.... The rest of my wages went on council tax, utilities, car, etc.... Still being relatively young I wanted "nice things", new clothes, nights out, big holidays, weekends away etc.... Totally living beyond my means, so in my late 20's I took out a secured loan. Worst decision ever. With hindsight, I should have approached Step change or the ilk but all of sudden I couldn't make up even the minimum payments on my Credit cards and loans. Almost lost my house until a family member stepped in to make those arrears go away, (since paid back in full at 0% interest). So where am I now? Well in my mid 40's and in a new relationship, thankfully from his side with 0 debt, Did I learn my lesson after almost losing my house? No of course I didn't at first, I had many "sod it" moments. "Life is for living." What has helped is this forum. The lemonfool SOA and snowball calculators. I still have debt around £7k on credit cards (now all on 0% interest and I am pleased to finally be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel.) In summary I don't want anyone out there struggling right now to think that everyone else is managing their debts marvelously because speaking from personal habits that simply doesn't happen, certainly not right away. You have to change your lifestyle and spending habits, seems simple right, but it has taken me over 20 years to realise that and I'm not there yet. So my advice is this. Check your bank statements , note where every penny goes. We all may want to go to the Maldives but are you really in the position right now to do so, probably not. A shot of Starbucks or Costa coffee every morning on your way into work may seem just lovely but can you really afford it? That night out that cost you over £100 with drinks, meals and taxi's, should you have just invited those friends round to yours instead? Credit is ace when you can hide behind it believing you can live a lifestyle you really can't afford. Then one day you wake up and realise you can't. I am 46 years old and have only recently realised that truth. Hope this helps and thank you for reading my story  

I think it all comes down to one thing:
self discipline✅

Tahlullah.H

Self discipline means nothing without the lightbulb moment.

Jbcr8574

This has got to be the best thread on MSE.
Debt is about mind control. You need to keep aware of spending/ outgoings. I think with Covid 19 - there will be most people or hopefully focused on "budgeting" 

One-step-at-a-time

It’s more complicated than just self-discipline. Sure, that plays a big part. Circumstances and illness (physical and mental) can all add to problems (along with bad luck and sheer stupidity!). Summary of personal experience: Before I was 30 I had no debt and a completely paid off house. From early 30s to early 40s there was an expensive relationship breakup (debt became necessary to make a clean break, which I’ve always resented, and which started the spiral), unemployment (spending to bridge income gaps), protracted bouts of physical and mental ill-health (spending through exhaustion and apathy, and inability to recognise bad decisions). I remember distinctly at one point saying f-it, what’s a few more thousand with everything that’s already going on? (spending to compensate for being constantly miserable, and wilfully ignoring that it was making things worse). Then there’s unchecked interest (spending through negligence). I do think it’s entirely possible for a LBM to be truly life-changing, though. I no longer recognise the person I was when I was accumulating debt.

Mitzj7374

With the covid 19 situation. Sadly I think debt will become more many people are excluded from support. 

DayDreamerandGeneralWaster

I don't think it's self discipline either. Lots of people can have self discipline but still be in debt. 
Each person is unique and there isn't one answer to how they got into debt.
Habit is an issue. Sitting on your phone browsing, it doesn't feel like spending 'real' money. Thinking 'just one little treat, l deserve it, l work hard...'
I got into debt at first because l went into a relationship when l was 18 with someone who didn't care about having debt or repaying it. Then had a baby and needed to use my credit card because aforementioned loser couldn't keep a job. 

I was debt free briefly when l was in my early 20s. Between 2007-11, it spiralled from £2k to £12k. Just over spending, holidays, cars. Apart from one blip a few years ago when it went up £1500, l'm now credit card debt free. But l needed a new car in january so l took out a loan for that. Now l wish l had got another old banger and a smaller loan to be honest. I'm aiming to have it gone by the end of next year. Then on to the mortgage! It feels a bit overwhelming as l'm only really at the beginning of my journey. But keep remembering l need to live within my means for my own mental and financial health. No spending as a quick pick me up is ever worth it.