Dad, Dementia, Care Homes and Seperation (Divorce)

mr_stripey

Well, here goes, Not sure if this is the right section or not. Got quite a lot on my plate at the moment, so apologies for the long post and thanks for reading
My dad (83) has had a fairly rapid deteroriation in health in the last six months or so. Since the turn of the year he has been hospitalised 8 times due to falls at home and the admissions have been getting more freuqent. He has been receiving care visits from social services and district nurses etc and was discharged last week with the "maximum" care package of 4 visits per day - and they said if this didn't work then he would (probably) have to go to a care home/nursing home.
He lasted about 1 hour before I found him on the floor again and had a another fall later that evening and wound up back in hospital.
Communication with the hosptial has been very difficult with the COVID situation as no visits are allowed. One of the physios says he believes he has vascular dementia, but I don't know if this has been officially diagnosed (although it does seem to fit with the symptoms).

So it looks as if next steps are going to be a care home, although I have no idea how this happens? Clearly it seems that he is not likely to be able to go home unless there is a miraculous improvement.

He has a few quid in the bank (not sure exactly but probably £20-£30K) and owns his house (Value approx £140K). Presumably this will be taken in to account to help pay for his care, which we have no problem with - we are not trying to avoid this.
However.... alongside all this, my wife informed my a few weeks ago that she no longer wants to be married. Came as a total bolt out of the blue! We are trying to untangle things financially and for now are living under the same roof. We have quite a large mortgage and not a massive amount of equity and probably not enough money for one of us to rent/buy elsewhere at least in the short term.
Whilst the though of moving in to my dad's house is a pretty depressing thought, it could serve as a stop gap I think. Does anyone know any implications of doing this?

Also, if we did need to sell the house for care fees etc, or pay out of his bank - how does this actually happen? Unfortunately we don't have LPA at the moment. I have the forms and he does still have capacity at the moment but I can't exactly wave the forms under his nose in the hospital? Or maybe I can if a Doctor agrees he has capacity? But assuming I can't get LPA how can we sell "his" house if that is what is required?

Sorry for all the questions, my mind is a whirl at the moment - just trying to see the way forward!

pphillips

It seems that your dad's house will need to be sold whether you move in or not.
I don't see why you can't get the LPA done in the hospital, it needs to be independently witnessed and a certificate provider has to confirm your dad knows what he's doing and isn't being forced into it.
If you don't have the LPA, you can't sell the house and an application to the court of protection will need to be made. The court process is long and expensive with ongoing supervision fees payable. 

Mojisola

A financial assessment will be done and the value of his house will be part of this which means he will be self-funding.

In ordinary times, I'd say visit a few homes that can cope with the level of care he needs - I found it was the 'gut feeling' about the homes I visited that helped me choose the right home for my Dad.  That will be complicated by the Covid regulations and you may need to just a feeling from talking to staff over the phone.

As you aren't your Dad's attorney yet, it will take some time before the house can be sold.  It would be sensible to move in as you have a need for accommodation - you can start sorting out and clearing the house ready for the eventual sale.

In the meantime, set up a deferred payment scheme with the council - they will pay towards the cost and put a charge on the house so that the debt is repaid when it's sold.

We needed to top-up the payment from the council and I was able to use Dad's cash for that as I had POA.  You may need to find the funds elsewhere and record the money as a debt, like the council.

Whatever you do, keep meticulous financial records.

kangoora

The value of the property could be disregarded in some specific circumstances. However, this would put your father into the council funded care only with what that implies - cheapest possible care etc. The excerpt below is from Age Uk factsheet from the parents perspective which you may want to have a read of:  https://www.ageuk.org.uk/globalassets/age-uk/documents/factsheets/fs38_property_and_paying_for_residential_care_fcs.pdf

Disregarded property 5.1

Mandatory disregards

If you enter a care home permanently, your interest in your existing ‘main or only’ home is usually taken into account as capital. However, the value should be disregarded from the financial assessment if you no longer occupy the home but it is still occupied, in part or whole,as their main or only home by: 

• your spouse, partner, former partner,or civil partner, except where you are estranged
• a lone parent who is your estranged or divorced partner
• a relative of yours,or member of your family,who is:

                    aged 60 or over,

                    or a child of yours aged under 18, or

                    ‘incapacitated’.

They must have been occupying the property before you went into the care home. The disregard lasts until the situation changes, at which time it may be included in the financial assessment.

elsien

Capacity is time and decision specific and a dementia diagnosis doesn’t automatically mean he lacks capacity around long term accommodation.
if he has capacity then it is his decision as to where he lives, whether he wants an LPA and whether he agrees to the house being sold/you living there. 

Hospitals just want people out - they’re quite good at ignoring people’s wishes and shipping them off to a temporary bed without considering what their legal rights may be. 

So the first step would be finding out exactly what is going on with your dad’s health and the impact it is having on his capacity to make the relevant decisions.
They may suggest a short term bed for further assessment - generally up to 6 weeks although in practice Covid means this is taking longer. This is likely to be health funded to start with (if dad agrees to go) then normally there’d be an assessment at the end to see what his needs are and where responsibility lies.
But your dad’s wishes should be taken into account as part of any decision making, bearing in mind that if he has capacity they can’t stop him from returning home however bad an idea everyone thinks this is. 

Markneath

Speaking as a male who got divorced a few years back, don’t leave the family home and re house yourself anywhere.

If she wants to leave let her, make it clear you cant afford to move out without your share of equity from the house and only leave when this is signed off by the court.

My ex was very amicable until I moved out, once I did the locks were changed and the dirty tricks started.

Rambosmum

You dad won't be forced to sell his house, so you could move in. It would be advisable that you pay market rent. A charge will be placed against you fathers house which will be repayable at the time the property is sold, which could be after his death if needs be (or if preferred) or once you have found yourself somewhere to live. 

The house will be taken in to account during the financial assessment, but for the process of entering a care home it will not. The ASC will support in making that decision as your fathers savings are close to the threshold for LA top up. 

AskAsk

to get LPA done, i would advise you employ a solicitor.  it happens a lot easier through a solicitor.
as someone had already said, your dad's house will probably need to be sold to pay the care fees.  i am not sure if you need LPA to sell his house to pay for care fees as it may be a forced sale?

elsien

AskAsk said:

to get LPA done, i would advise you employ a solicitor.  it happens a lot easier through a solicitor.
as someone had already said, your dad's house will probably need to be sold to pay the care fees.  i am not sure if you need LPA to sell his house to pay for care fees as it may be a forced sale?

To have an LPA put in place, dad has to agree he wants one, have capacity to do so, and decide who he wants to act for him. Which could be the OP or could be someone else, that is dad's choice. 
No sale can go ahead without the person's agreement if they have capacity, or LPA/deputyship if they don't.