First Steps to Solvency

amanda_p

So very true Clairebeth.Our oldest friends lost their 30 year old son to a brain tumour last year. She said nothing matters anymore, the house, the cars are completely meaningless. Stuff means nothing it is just stuff and all of it is replaceable. What she has lost is irreplaceable.If she was a multi millionaire it wouldn’t make any difference,all the money in the world can’t bring him back. A very sobering thought.

theoretica

alt80 said:

 I used to drive by the houses in the area I live and think I will have arrived if I ever buy one. Remember telling my wife 'I'm going to buy that house one day', I didn't but I live next door to it lol. It's not that I don't like my home - I love it actually.

[...]
Why do the things matter? To feel like I'm successful. I'll be honest it's selfish reasons. If I get that 7 figure house, I'll feel I've been a success like I've made something of myself.

I think a lot of people eventually examine the game they were being set to play and decided if it is worth it or a habit to break.  Is the game worth it for itself?  Do the highs actually outweigh the lows and are the rewards as rewarding as you anticipated? If you just end up exactly where you started, as there is always another level, what are you getting out of playing? 

alt80

Weather is terrible here today. Managed to get £5k worth up for sale. Wife gone to in-laws for lunch / afternoon. Checked the yolt app and worked out there's enough from sold items to clear the upcoming RR service, tax and insurance. Really pleased about that - can start afresh with throwing the amounts/12 into a separate account for next year now and not going on any kind of card. Definite progress in the right direction there. 

@ryanm8655 You're right about needing to concentrate less on stuff I want for me and more on business. 10 years ago I had a much longer term approach felt like I had all the time in the world bit less of a loser if I was working towards something rather than actually had it. Now I think I've probably got 15/20 years max to get to the point of having the stuff I want and a lot less time to sort the res home out maybe 5 years max. Tbh the £3-4k/m mortgage on a res home I'd like to move to scares even me a bit lol. Wife thinks it's ridiculous and just giving myself a lot of stress for a few more bedrooms, higher ceilings and more hassle from the council.

@getmore4less I'm not the main fee earner in the business anymore. I used to be chasing around probably 100+ hour weeks, don't do that and no worse off than I was then in terms of money. Actually got someone interested in a job I'd be very happy to employ and there is the work there right now but who knows what's going to happen over the next few months.

@ladyholly Yes I know people get run over by buses and get terminal illness etc but can't live your life worrying about death. I've been there after a bit of a health scare a few years back and finally got into a good place with not constantly worrying about health so not getting back into the mindset of 'what if I get some awful illness and it's game over?'. When I was going through the life is short phase it messed up my personal finances worse than ever before - that's what my remo paid for and also paying now. New F-type? Don't mind if I do, make it the V8... you live once after all. That's how I bought that, traded in a fully paid for but older 911 worth £25k, it would have been an AM if I could have made the figures work at the time. Now lost the car and the £25k. We went on some epic holidays when I was going through that phase too made the double room a suite, hired the Maserati to cruise around in and flew business class still paying for it now. Tbh this is an area I'm happy to cut and regret getting into debt for. I still like holidays but can honestly say I didn't have a better time than when we used to get in the car go to France/ Germany or fly to Greek mainland and go island hopping (super basic but some stunning places).

@RelievedSheff I hope so wife is very serious with the selling gives her something to focus tbf.

@enthusiasticsaver as getmore4less said - age not an issue with those but is with the res home hence that's the thing I need to sort if I'm going to get into the 'forever home'. Re being more tax efficient - there are better places some of the money could go rather than directly into my pocket (taking advantage of pension eg). Splitting the divs between wife and I would cut personal taxes too as I say time to grow up a bit rather than paying money to the gov unnecessarily because I've got trust issues.

alt80

@clairebeth content with the level you've reached is definitely the ultimate goal. I've got no judgement for people who feel they've got there at any level. I've got a couple of family tenants with goals of buying a £125k house, owning and running a car (not bothered about what), one UK / cheap package holiday a year and being able to pay for a couple of extra curriculars for their kids. I think you've got me wrong and assume that I judge others for their lifestyle choices or the cards they've been dealt, I don't at all. When my family tenants get their own places I'm absolutely buzzing for them - a lot of them have been saving for a long time in low-paid employment so a home of their own is probably their next level. Think we all want that next level just have different ideas of what it is maybe?

Apart from the stress I live a fairly healthy lifestyle - not a massive drinker, don't smoke, eat well and exercise so don't see why I shouldn't see 80+ tbh. No medical professional but had pretty much every test going which says nothing wrong. 

@Amanda_p I didn't even want kids but even I wouldn't choose anything I own over my son now. Can't imagine how awful it must be to lose a child. 

@theoretica It's got to the point of the highs not being that high more like an initial high then panic of how's this being paid for lol and owing a lot of money. See that as proof I'm losing in the game tbh and if I can't sort this out and get to the next level what is there to live for?

clairebeth

@theoretica It's got to the point of the highs not being that high more like an initial high then panic of how's this being paid for lol and owing a lot of money. See that as proof I'm losing in the game tbh and if I can't sort this out and get to the next level what is there to live for?

And that is exactly why you need counselling. Your need to keep the hamster wheel turning is not doing you or your family any good, but you refuse to stop.

theoretica

@theoretica It's got to the point of the highs not being that high more like an initial high then panic of how's this being paid for lol and owing a lot of money. See that as proof I'm losing in the game tbh and if I can't sort this out and get to the next level what is there to live for?

If you realise that the game isn't good to play, it is sensible to look to change the rules or play a different one.  I feel most people change focus several times in their life - I certainly don't have the same aims in life I did when I was a student - some I have achieved, some I changed. 

ladyholly

You may have a very healthy lifestyle but you are putting yourself under a huge amount of stress which is detrimental to your physical health. 

getmore4less

Part of the issue seems to be you measure stuff in money rather than value.

You should be looking at your your next home in terms of the features  to meet your family needs that are not provided by the current one. 

What it costs is not important and can drive you to buying the wrong place just because it is over £1m.

Edit: rather than chase the price chase the deal. 

Use your exepert knowledge to get that £1m house for a lot less, make the deal the source of the gratification. 

RelievedSheff

ladyholly said:

You may have a very healthy lifestyle but you are putting yourself under a huge amount of stress which is detrimental to your physical health. 

I agree with that. 

There really is something to be said for being satisfied with what you have got and realising how lucky you arefor having what you already have.

We have done a lot of soul searching this week while out on the boat. It isn't the motorhome we had our heart set on this time last year but we have decided despite its faults and downfalls that actually it is a bloody good boat, has served us well over the years and we will do well to keep it for a while longer.

alt80

Good afternoon spent - did go into town and pleased to see it was really busy. Traffic was horrendous though but not walking in this weather. I set myself a £100 budget and spent £89 including the parking and a coffee - all accounted for so nothing has gone on credit. Not done that since I was a lot, lot younger but it worked, wasn’t disappointed with the experience at all still walked away with a new belt and gloves but not the usual £1k+ spend followed by the oh s*** how’s this being paid for guilt fest. Actually managed to have a look at things and consider whether I wanted to save towards them another month or not buy at all. I think I will probably buy wife a Christmas present (she doesn’t know) but it won’t be going on credit saw a few Mulberry accessories in JL she’d probably like but not as expensive as buying a bag. 

@clairebeth I’m not disagreeing with that - need to sort the mindset out or I’ll pay it down a bit and just build it back up again. 

@theoretica I know what you mean - I have stopped chasing the super yachts etc accepted that’s not going to happen for me not good enough to become some kind of tycoon lol.

@ladyholly / @RelievedSheff I’ve recognised I do have a bit too much stress in my life. That’s one of the major reasons I realised i need to work on getting the payments down. 

Not surprised you’re happy with the boat - sounds like you have amazing weekends and holidays away.

@getmore4less tbh if we’re talking features for my family my current home is just about perfect. Always bought wise which is why I have the amount of equity I do ... started out with a one bed flat on a 100%LTV when I got my first grad job lol so come a long way since those days. The only reason I want to upgrade is to upgrade to the next level of house always pleased to come back home which is a nice place to be.