First Steps to Solvency

RelievedSheff

alt80 said:

It’s basically a character assassination everything I’m proud of achieving minimised ‘long way from being an ‘actual’ millionaire’ because 7 figures in property is not enough ‘why does that matter so much anyway?’ etc etc type stuff. I do know I’ve got a mindset problem that makes me finance stuff as soon as I can rather than saving and waiting. That’s all: I don’t see working towards doing better and having financial goals being a problem- they do lots of the ‘why do you want that’/ ‘do you want to work forever?’ / ‘how do you think your wife feel about that?’ Etc etc Just stupid. I just want to get to the issue (financing personal stuff), switch my thinking and be able to get to the point of waiting whilst I save up for personal stuff and not feeling like the world is judging how much I’ve f**cked up by driving last years model or not being in the 7 figure house yet.

Re paying back the £100k I will do. Going to do a 2 year fix for res home then at the end I should be able to remo back up to 60%ltv and put £120k (current val) back into the BTLs. Do need to stop taking income from it whilst I want to grow agreed about that. I know I’ve got a long way to £10k/m net but that’s what I need to see going to have to get there somehow.

Could you not come to terms with your spending without the need for a counsellor?

It doesn't seem like they are really going to be of much help to you 🤔

You seem to be making some steps in the right direction but then taking several steps back as well. 

ryanm8655

RelievedSheff said:

alt80 said:

It’s basically a character assassination everything I’m proud of achieving minimised ‘long way from being an ‘actual’ millionaire’ because 7 figures in property is not enough ‘why does that matter so much anyway?’ etc etc type stuff. I do know I’ve got a mindset problem that makes me finance stuff as soon as I can rather than saving and waiting. That’s all: I don’t see working towards doing better and having financial goals being a problem- they do lots of the ‘why do you want that’/ ‘do you want to work forever?’ / ‘how do you think your wife feel about that?’ Etc etc Just stupid. I just want to get to the issue (financing personal stuff), switch my thinking and be able to get to the point of waiting whilst I save up for personal stuff and not feeling like the world is judging how much I’ve f**cked up by driving last years model or not being in the 7 figure house yet.

Re paying back the £100k I will do. Going to do a 2 year fix for res home then at the end I should be able to remo back up to 60%ltv and put £120k (current val) back into the BTLs. Do need to stop taking income from it whilst I want to grow agreed about that. I know I’ve got a long way to £10k/m net but that’s what I need to see going to have to get there somehow.

Could you not come to terms with your spending without the need for a counsellor?

It doesn't seem like they are really going to be of much help to you 🤔

You seem to be making some steps in the right direction but then taking several steps back as well. 

I’d say it’s more about coming to terms with the emotional need to spend and basing your whole self worth on what you own. That’s what the counselling should be about. 

I don’t see the issue with aspiring to more but when you let it define you I think that is a shame. But plenty of people live like that and a lot of us have it in us. Imo it usually comes from low perception of our own self worth, so it’s getting to the root of why that is that is the key to being happier, no matter how much you earn. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have ambition, though and that people should bemoan ambition.

getmore4less

A lot seems to be driven by the belief that others actually care. 

RelievedSheff

ryanm8655 said:

RelievedSheff said:

alt80 said:

It’s basically a character assassination everything I’m proud of achieving minimised ‘long way from being an ‘actual’ millionaire’ because 7 figures in property is not enough ‘why does that matter so much anyway?’ etc etc type stuff. I do know I’ve got a mindset problem that makes me finance stuff as soon as I can rather than saving and waiting. That’s all: I don’t see working towards doing better and having financial goals being a problem- they do lots of the ‘why do you want that’/ ‘do you want to work forever?’ / ‘how do you think your wife feel about that?’ Etc etc Just stupid. I just want to get to the issue (financing personal stuff), switch my thinking and be able to get to the point of waiting whilst I save up for personal stuff and not feeling like the world is judging how much I’ve f**cked up by driving last years model or not being in the 7 figure house yet.

Re paying back the £100k I will do. Going to do a 2 year fix for res home then at the end I should be able to remo back up to 60%ltv and put £120k (current val) back into the BTLs. Do need to stop taking income from it whilst I want to grow agreed about that. I know I’ve got a long way to £10k/m net but that’s what I need to see going to have to get there somehow.

Could you not come to terms with your spending without the need for a counsellor?

It doesn't seem like they are really going to be of much help to you 🤔

You seem to be making some steps in the right direction but then taking several steps back as well. 

I’d say it’s more about coming to terms with the emotional need to spend and basing your whole self worth on what you own. That’s what the counselling should be about. 

I don’t see the issue with aspiring to more but when you let it define you I think that is a shame. But plenty of people live like that and a lot of us have it in us. Imo it usually comes from low perception of our own self worth, so it’s getting to the root of why that is that is the key to being happier, no matter how much you earn. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have ambition, though and that people should bemoan ambition.

I agree. Ambition is a good thing. But it has to be within your means.

There does have to become a point where everyone has to admit they can't afford something. 

alt80

Probably right about the habit of it and it’s just got worse over the years. I’ve always had things on finance I’d probably be wiser not having but not to the point of using credit just to get by until the past 3ish years or so. Now it seems I need to both downgrade my lifestyle and pay for the stuff I’ve put on cards. Can’t keep bailing my personal life out hate myself for having done it in the first place and hate myself for not being able to sort it out, move on and get to the next level. Hate not being further on in life or the thought of everyone knowing it’s all on the ‘never never’ as my FIL would say. Hate that my wife knows she’s being quite good about it right now but I don’t like she knows and by extension her parents know. 

Not financed anything in business apart from things which have been or intended as a revenue generator. Had the odd few deals which haven’t turned out as well as forecast but that’s life. Generally been more up than down. Not helping myself in business being tired / stressed and angry just another element where my personal life is getting in the way of progress.

I need the counselling to stop myself from doing stupid stuff in the future not going to pretend otherwise I base my worth on the things I own and little to nothing else - I know I’m not helping myself with this and probably is some kind of low self esteem and need to change my mindset but have no idea how. Things seem worse than ever at the moment paying for all this is downgrading my life. If I don’t sort this once and for all one day it’s going to be game over. 

Forced myself not to spend any money today everyday is a punishment. Almost ran into the back of another car driving absolute liability at the moment. 

PassElephant

Take a step back. You are not the only one in this situation. Your intentions are good. You are a decent person. Things have got out of control but you can rein that in with time.
You have time. Lots of people are in the same position but you realise it, which is to your advantage.
Doesn't matter what the FiL thinks. Doesn't matter what anyone thinks. Your intentions are good. You are an intelligent person. You can sort this in time. You have lots of time and work hard.

PassElephant

/Clipped/

Forced myself not to spend any money today everyday is a punishment. 

 Oh...
One day, you and your lovely family will see that as joyful freedom. 

alt80

They say acknowledging a problem is the first step I suppose. Not sure about the decent person stuff - I’m quite aware I wouldn’t exactly win any husband / father of the year awards and I am selfish. Time I feel is running out if I don’t get this sorted soon: debt and income. I’ll be too old to get the house I want will have to stay here if I don’t get this stuff addressed in the next couple of years. Wife doesn’t understand getting to the next level or why I want to move she has her dream home here.

Weekend coming soon and wife wants to do some more selling, the guilt is creeping in from asking her to sell stuff to clear my personal debt issues. Not sure whether to tell her not to or if I’ll regret it soon after telling her - I want the cards gone. 

PassElephant

It isn't your fault the economy may take a dive.
How lovely that your wife is willing to sell more stuff to allow you to pay off debt. You should be happy with this. No guilt allowed.
Stick to not increasing but paying off debt.
It makes everyone on this board happier than the the alternative. 
Enjoy it. Enjoy your wife being happy to help. Praise her. Praise yourself.

ladyholly

From what you have said your wife has helped gain the cc debts so it is only right she helps clearing them. If she is giving up stuff I hope you are too.