First Steps to Solvency

QueenJess

With stuff comes pressure to continue earning for a long period of time.  At this point in my life (similar age to you OP I think), I would rather slow down a bit and have the opportunity to go part time and then early retire later on if I decide I want to. I don't want the pressure of having a bigger mortgage for a bigger house as I won't have these options anymore.

I know someone who has an absolutely enormous house with acres and acres of grounds.  It's literally unbelievable.  Interestingly, they have decided to move to somewhere a bit cheaper because they dislike the stress of having such a large mortgage (despite being able to pay it fine).  For them this was perpetuated by some illness in the family.

So nothing wrong with wanting something, but I find as time goes on priorities change.  Now I've had a child I no longer care about clothes and general stuff.  I care about spending time with my son and experiences more.  I want time, although as he gets older I also want nicer holidays and the ability to go out of an evening to nice restaurants would be great!  I purposely decide to scrimp on the general stuff I don't care about to buy myself the financial security to have that time and later on have more money for holidays etc.  It's all a balance.  I agree different people want different things, but always wanting the next bigger thing is exhausting.  Do you want to have to work for as long as physically possible to buy some of these things?

andyboyo

alt80 said:

Yeah definitely about priorities. Not gonna lie I want it all but need to deal with the cards/ have a review of the lifestyle until I sort the income. Short term pain for long term gain get some more houses, hopefully no downwards pressure on the other business so work on maximising income from that too. Hopefully won’t have to make so many choices in the future.

Don’t get the whole being happy with not a lot thing. Wish I could be like that in some ways would be a lot cheaper and easier to obtain if my goals were 3 bed semi, 320 on the drive, ‘Bolex’ on the wrist and no holidays. Just not for me. Lots say they’re happy with mediocre lifestyles but I do think for some (not directed at anyone here just generally) it’s just a defence mechanism: tell yourself the BS about being happy with your lot for long enough and it may actually happen because you know it’s never going to get any better.

Sounds like an 'inferiority complex' to me. I've got what I need and that's about it. I could easily double (maybe triple) my salary and more, by giving up all of my precious time to have stuff I don't actually need to make my life any better at all.

curtains174

Everyone has differing priorities, mine have adapted and changed over time, some evolved naturally with different stages in life, others have taken a little more focus and work and for me to really consider what actually would make me happy.
As high earners my husband and I have both chosen to work reduced hours to enable us to spend quality time together and with our family. This has allowed time and experiences with our children that no amount of money could buy.
We have what I consider to be a lovely lifestyle which even some of our higher earner friends are envious of. 

If we both worked full time, we could have a bigger house, newer cars etc and perhaps in time this may become something we aspire to again, but my mental health or self worth would no longer be wrapped up in this.
I suppose the point of this ramble is Consider and then work towards what is really important and what will make you happy as a family, you may find that it’s not striving for bigger and better, sometimes mediocre things can free you up to be happy.

theoretica

How much happier/satisfied overall are you in all honesty with the stuff you have now than you were 5, 10, 15, 20 years ago with less expensive stuff? 

I find it very useful to look back on decisions - I thought that was a good choice at the time, was it, did it and all the consequences really make me as happy as I thought it would?  This reflection helps lead to the right decision for me in future.

enthusiasticsaver

alt80 said:

Yeah definitely about priorities. Not gonna lie I want it all but need to deal with the cards/ have a review of the lifestyle until I sort the income. Short term pain for long term gain get some more houses, hopefully no downwards pressure on the other business so work on maximising income from that too. Hopefully won’t have to make so many choices in the future.

Don’t get the whole being happy with not a lot thing. Wish I could be like that in some ways would be a lot cheaper and easier to obtain if my goals were 3 bed semi, 320 on the drive, ‘Bolex’ on the wrist and no holidays. Just not for me. Lots say they’re happy with mediocre lifestyles but I do think for some (not directed at anyone here just generally) it’s just a defence mechanism: tell yourself the BS about being happy with your lot for long enough and it may actually happen because you know it’s never going to get any better.

The thing is though you are talking about possessions not what I would call lifestyle. We are lucky to live in a beautiful part of the country, no stress, our family and grandchildren healthy and happy and living close by and we have no health or money worries. We have travelled the world on some lovely holidays and have  plenty of hobbies and local friends and still enjoy spending time together after 38 years of marriage.  If you measure your happiness on possessions you will always find yourself wanting more and concentrate so much on wanting to reach the next level (whatever that is) that you forget to enjoy the present. Nothing wrong with owning nice things but I would not want to be defined by them. I just think your lifestyle sounds stressful. 

alt80

I don't really get the whole slowing down / not working / working towards slowing down as a goal. I'm very fortunate to like working and what's the point building a business to just wind it up? 

Any happier 5/10 years ago? Not really. I’m not unhappy as such just want to get to the next level and having a hard time accepting I’m not going to get to the super yacht level (no point in trying it’s just not going to happen). First world problems I know. Not a chance I would ever downgrade from a house unless something went seriously wrong and it was not a choice cannot understand the mindset of being ok with going back a level. I have started to consider what my goals actually are I do earn quite well but always going to be disappointed until I get to that 5 figure/m income so that’s goal number 1. Number 2 - 8 figure property portfolio; will feel I’ve got to a good level for that then but a long way to go. Number 3 - Range Rover paid for, AM Vantage and maybe an XJS so not mega money on cars generally stop spending so much money so frequently on them. Number 4 – seven figure home. Number 5 – just mortgage debt, fine with being leveraged on property not fine with the credit card spending / continual sequence of ever more expensive car loans. Realise the personal debt is a bit stupid and counter-intuitive to my actual goals. I know this is all a lot of work and might not happen for me.

Anger levels have been through the roof today after dealing with that call centre this morning, stayed at the office don't want to say something I'm potentially going to regret at home. Not usually a ***** towards my staff or at home can hopefully get ahead for tomorrow so win win. Said I needed to sort my mindset to get into a better place with my personal finances - true. This afternoon I told one of my staff to not let me leave all afternoon because I was so tempted to walk into John Lewis and buy a £349 magic keyboard for my iPad. Obviously didn't tell them that was the reason but I've been thinking about it on and off for a week or so. Got the Smart Keyboard and a MacBook so don't feel I need the magic keyboard and it just makes the iPad heavy for what I use it for but its really annoying me now sitting open in a tab, 2 in stock in my local JL wish they’d just sell out haha.

 

Yolt not checked today though not spent anything wife could have spent £5k on something for all I know.

 

Family time – better without me tonight but did phone son to tell him I’m too busy to get home better than being in a foul mood at home.

 

Can pick f-type up tomorrow going to send wife if I’m still in this mood I’m going to lose it.

woahsoah

alt80 said:

I don't really get the whole slowing down / not working / working towards slowing down as a goal. I'm very fortunate to like working and what's the point building a business to just wind it up? 

Any happier 5/10 years ago? Not really. I’m not unhappy as such just want to get to the next level and having a hard time accepting I’m not going to get to the super yacht level (no point in trying it’s just not going to happen). First world problems I know. Not a chance I would ever downgrade from a house unless something went seriously wrong and it was not a choice cannot understand the mindset of being ok with going back a level. I have started to consider what my goals actually are I do earn quite well but always going to be disappointed until I get to that 5 figure/m income so that’s goal number 1. Number 2 - 8 figure property portfolio; will feel I’ve got to a good level for that then but a long way to go. Number 3 - Range Rover paid for, AM Vantage and maybe an XJS so not mega money on cars generally stop spending so much money so frequently on them. Number 4 – seven figure home. Number 5 – just mortgage debt, fine with being leveraged on property not fine with the credit card spending / continual sequence of ever more expensive car loans. Realise the personal debt is a bit stupid and counter-intuitive to my actual goals. I know this is all a lot of work and might not happen for me.

Anger levels have been through the roof today after dealing with that call centre this morning, stayed at the office don't want to say something I'm potentially going to regret at home. Not usually a ***** towards my staff or at home can hopefully get ahead for tomorrow so win win. Said I needed to sort my mindset to get into a better place with my personal finances - true. This afternoon I told one of my staff to not let me leave all afternoon because I was so tempted to walk into John Lewis and buy a £349 magic keyboard for my iPad. Obviously didn't tell them that was the reason but I've been thinking about it on and off for a week or so. Got the Smart Keyboard and a MacBook so don't feel I need the magic keyboard and it just makes the iPad heavy for what I use it for but its really annoying me now sitting open in a tab, 2 in stock in my local JL wish they’d just sell out haha.

 

Yolt not checked today though not spent anything wife could have spent £5k on something for all I know.

 

Family time – better without me tonight but did phone son to tell him I’m too busy to get home better than being in a foul mood at home.

 

Can pick f-type up tomorrow going to send wife if I’m still in this mood I’m going to lose it.

Your life must be completely exhausting?

The above quotation reads like some kind of lottery win wish list. In my world you do not earn quite well, far from it. But you seem to have this attitude of 'I earn well therefore I must have X'. Do you think people driving around in plush cars are saddled with credit card debt? NO. They are indulgences! Remember what Buffet said - "If you buy things you do not need, soon you will have to sell things you need"

I have a large watch collection (no excessively large but enough to own some heavy hitter 20k+ watches). I only ever wear one watch. The others are nice and may be wheeled out on some sort of occasion but the watch I wear is a stainless steel strap. It is practical and who can be bothered to match a blue suit with a brown strap watch, etc.

The sooner you realise that being unable to spend 349 quid on a keyboard shows how precarious your situation is the better. This want want want must be so tiring - get over it and/or get some help.

Even debt free I don't think you'll be happy. More than likely you'll get back into the debt unless you find what makes you happy. If you think this is spending you are deluded.

enthusiasticsaver

woahsoah said:

alt80 said:

I don't really get the whole slowing down / not working / working towards slowing down as a goal. I'm very fortunate to like working and what's the point building a business to just wind it up? 

Any happier 5/10 years ago? Not really. I’m not unhappy as such just want to get to the next level and having a hard time accepting I’m not going to get to the super yacht level (no point in trying it’s just not going to happen). First world problems I know. Not a chance I would ever downgrade from a house unless something went seriously wrong and it was not a choice cannot understand the mindset of being ok with going back a level. I have started to consider what my goals actually are I do earn quite well but always going to be disappointed until I get to that 5 figure/m income so that’s goal number 1. Number 2 - 8 figure property portfolio; will feel I’ve got to a good level for that then but a long way to go. Number 3 - Range Rover paid for, AM Vantage and maybe an XJS so not mega money on cars generally stop spending so much money so frequently on them. Number 4 – seven figure home. Number 5 – just mortgage debt, fine with being leveraged on property not fine with the credit card spending / continual sequence of ever more expensive car loans. Realise the personal debt is a bit stupid and counter-intuitive to my actual goals. I know this is all a lot of work and might not happen for me.

Anger levels have been through the roof today after dealing with that call centre this morning, stayed at the office don't want to say something I'm potentially going to regret at home. Not usually a ***** towards my staff or at home can hopefully get ahead for tomorrow so win win. Said I needed to sort my mindset to get into a better place with my personal finances - true. This afternoon I told one of my staff to not let me leave all afternoon because I was so tempted to walk into John Lewis and buy a £349 magic keyboard for my iPad. Obviously didn't tell them that was the reason but I've been thinking about it on and off for a week or so. Got the Smart Keyboard and a MacBook so don't feel I need the magic keyboard and it just makes the iPad heavy for what I use it for but its really annoying me now sitting open in a tab, 2 in stock in my local JL wish they’d just sell out haha.

 

Yolt not checked today though not spent anything wife could have spent £5k on something for all I know.

 

Family time – better without me tonight but did phone son to tell him I’m too busy to get home better than being in a foul mood at home.

 

Can pick f-type up tomorrow going to send wife if I’m still in this mood I’m going to lose it.

Your life must be completely exhausting

Even debt free I don't think you'll be happy. More than likely you'll get back into the debt unless you find what makes you happy. If you think this is spending you are deluded.

I would definitely agree with the above. Materialistic people are rarely happy because there is always something else they need to have. 

[Deleted User]

I posted on your other two threads and in one of them I mentioned the hedonic treadmill / hedonic adaptation.  Here is an article that explains how this works:  https://www.verywellmind.com/hedonic-adaptation-4156926

Basically you can never buy your way to happiness.  No matter what you buy you will never be happy until you get the next best thing, and then the next, and then the next, and so on.  If buying things made you happy why are you not happy now in what was your dream home?

You have made great changes over the last few weeks, but I still do not think you have had your lightbulb moment.  In your last few posts you mentioned that you only consider the credit card as debt that needs to be paid and nothing else and then talk about buying different cars and more BTL properties.  However, you are MASSIVELY over leveraged.  From figures in your other threads I believe that you owe the following: credit cards = £40 thousand, own home £295 thousand, cars £140 thousand and BTLs 850 thousand.  If all of these figures are correct then you currently owe over £1.3 million pounds.  I will repeat that ONE.  POINT.  THREE.  MILLION.  POUNDS.  If you do not have assets to cover this then if anything goes wrong you are in serious risk of going bankrupt.  If you go bankrupt I believe that you cannot be a company director and so everything will come tumbling down.

Rather than buying more stuff you need to look at selling cars, some of the BTLs and even downsizing your own home.  You have the assets to sort of this problem, but you seem unwilling to do so as owning these cars, BTLs and big home are all tied into your self image.  : (

alt80

Trying for a better day today got up with wife and had breakfast with family. Checked the yolt app - wife didn’t spend anything so happy with that. Got the counselling this morning don’t feel the counsellor is on the same wavelength- just doesn’t get it. 

@woahsoah I know things aren’t great right now and yes a bit precarious. But harsh re income I know you’re winning but I’d probably rather you told me I had a small **** lol than tell me I’m not doing well. 

My daily watch isn’t flashy either but I would definitely like to have a collection like yours.

Don’t know what makes me happy tbf always trying to get to that next level never get off the treadmill only in lockdown. Enjoyed that but not bothered about it lasting forever.

@Spider_In_The_Bath the btls are irrelevant if you’re going to count them I have a comm mortgage and some development finance too. The property apart from my home is business ok I was a bit panicked by the guarantees but that was just being panicked for no real reason - personal debt being on my mind and generally panicking. I’m ok and it’s not as bad as it looks. The personal debts are what I need to concentrate on getting down (credit cards then cars) the rest isn’t an issue mortgage on res home is low ltv will be going up when I can to buy more houses but not beyond 60ltv don’t know why people see res mortgage as debt really unless you’re very fortunate you’re going to have to pay for a house either mortgage or paying someone else’s.