My ex is still ruining my life

Weetod

A bit of background to my story. I split with my ex 2 years ago and she's stopped me seeing my kids even though I've tried mediation and court. She has turned them against me but I have all the text to show my kids when they're older. Even though I write to my kids every month, doubt they get my letters but I now need to plan for the future and would like to save money and be able to buy a house so that I have something I can leave my kids. Problem I have is I need to earn more money as my ex currently takes nearly 500 maintenance every month even though she claims over 2000 in benefits every month and has never worked in the past 15 years. How can I take on extra work such as doing takeaway deliveries and be able to use this income without my ex being able to take a chunk of it? 

sweetsand

Hi OP
I'm really sorry to hear about your situation.
With respect, why not concentrate on taking legal advice about your rights/situ
and only after it has been resolved think about "leaving something" to your kids. You
can do savings but that should come after you have resolved your situ as it is impostant you
get fair and honest access to your kids.
I hope it works out for you and I can understand your situation and it does seem unfair but our courts at times appear to
take sides.

tacpot12

I too am sorry for your predicament.

My advice would be that:
a) you can't stop your ex from receiving a proportion of anything extra you earn (but she only gets some of it, not all of it) and b) you need to stop seeing it as that she is getting the money - you are paying it to her, but it is supposed to be used to improve your children's lives - whether she does so is up to her. She will answer to her children if she has frittered it away. 

Finally, please don't let your ex ruin your life. Take control; earn what you want to, send her what she is due and spend the rest how you want to. I wouldn't worry too much about leaving money to your children, teaching them how to live a good life after a painful separation is much more valuable. 

AskAsk

cash in hand jobs 

jackieblack

Is £500 a private arrangement/more than the minimum based on your current income per CMS calculator?

SunnyCyprus

100% first thing you need to do is use the cms calculator. Enter your earnings and see how much they say you need to pay. 

sweetsand

AskAsk said:

cash in hand jobs 

IMO that is not the best route. Open honesty does pay in the end.
The OP is understandably going through a lot of worry and pain. 
From what I have seen, honest people always come out on top in the end.

As I said OP, take legal advice, sort this ex of yours out then save up for your children as you are indeed a caring dad.

Comms69

You're asking for advice on how to avoid paying for your children?

TBagpuss

Check the CMS Calculator to see how much you should be paying for your child support - if the £500 is more than the CMS calculator provides for then  you can reduce what you pay to the CMS level. If need be you can make a formal application to the CMS to recalculate the maintenance
If you were married and have a court order in place which provides for you to pay spousal maintenance as well as child support then you would be able to apply back to the court to vary the amount payable, if you feel it is too high or if your own or your ex's financial position has changed since the order was made. 
Since child maintenance is normally based on a % of your income, if your income goes up, the amount you pay will also go up, however you should still be able to keep at least 75% of any extra. 

How was the£500 worked out? if this is via the CMS then it is the correct amount and your ex's benefits position is irrelevant 

Asonedoorcloses

my ex earns nearly 3000  month, 1,200 basic and the rest in dividends...i went through the CMS and they worked out that he pay 240 a month towards his 2 children, that doesnt even cover our food bill. I have told them about his dividend payments but they cannot get any evidence of them. In my opinion the CMS are uselss

Comms69

CNH1979 said:

my ex earns nearly 3000  month, 1,200 basic and the rest in dividends...i went through the CMS and they worked out that he pay 240 a month towards his 2 children, that doesnt even cover our food bill. I have told them about his dividend payments but they cannot get any evidence of them. In my opinion the CMS are uselss

Well £240 is 20% of his basic which is over the CMS calculation. So there must be something else there. 

Also it's not supposed to cover your food bill. It's supposed to cover approx half the cost for the kids. (and i agree £240 probably doesnt)