A new royal start

QueenJess

Oh I also bought three different vitamins before I found one DD would take. I don’t understand why they insist you have to give kids vitamins and then they make the baby ones taste absolutely disgusting. Of course they are all expensive, so I spent about £15 finding some she would take 🙄. At least she eats everything and well so I have no concerns about her diet.

I gave up with DS and waited until he was 2 when he could have chewable ones, although they were the only ones from 2 (all the rest are from 3) and they’ve now stopped making them. Luckily I found some more for DS quite easily.

QueenJess

Sorry, I’ve been MIA for a while. I basically have been working every single possible hour over the past two weeks to ensure all my work was finished so I could definitely enjoy a full 4 weeks off work. I finally got it finished Friday and am now free for a whole 4 weeks!

I am laughably behind on everything now, so lots to catch up on in the next few weeks, as well as spending lots of precious time with the kids and maybe even indulge myself a little. Still no sleep as DD wakes multiple times a night. Will have some time to ponder that over the next few weeks though to see if I could do anything differently. Mostly she’s quite greedy and does need food in the night. DS was the same and still snacked until he was 4. Luckily he eventually got old enough so that we could leave his snack out for him to eat in the night and didn’t require us to get up. Sadly DD only wants milk and it is only acceptable to have direct from me, so I’m a bit stuck at the moment.

Work is pretty much terrible. I really don’t fit in the whole culture at all and feel like I need to go in and say nothing in every meeting and fade into the background. Even when I do brilliant work, no one says anything and doesn’t seem bothered about it, which given the content makes no sense to me at all (if I do rubbish work they don’t say anything either). I may not be the worlds best people person, but they are all about chatting and there seems to be no goals or drive to get anything done which I find a bit baffling. The two can totally go together as I’ve seen in the past. Anyway, I just feel very irritated by it all and hate myself because I can’t just do a good enough job even if I was about to leave. I’m a bit all or nothing, so always feel disappointed as I try so hard and never seem to get credit for it. It’s a bizarre place to work and I struggle to understand it at all. I had my appraisal recently and was told I can make people feel like they aren’t doing a good enough job because I’m too intelligent. I mean what a silly comment.. firstly no idea what I’m supposed to do with that, secondly it’s not even true which makes me question why I’m there. I used to work with people with more experience etc so I could learn from them, but now I can only learn from myself, which isn’t as fulfilling. I also can’t really teach other people as it isn’t the position and I am just alone really. It definitely isn’t as much fun working that way. Also apparently our appraisals are pointless because they feed into nothing at all, not even bonus or pay rises, which begs the question of why would you try to get a better grading? Anyway, as you can tell, the whole thing has irritated me as I just worked really hard doing a project off my own back to make huge improvements to something that should be really important to them.. Will try and forget it for a while since I know I can’t hand in my notice until March next year. I think I will survive in the meantime by counting down to every holiday.

I am still behind on checking finances, but after the big spend last month on getting our trees cut, the emergency plumber, booking up after school club for the whole of next term and booking a small holiday for August, our finances look poor in the joint account. The amount in there is totally offset by the credit card and I still have to pay the August nursery bill 😬. I will have to get on top of things this month and start cutting back for the winter.

I also need to get them food stores down as that was on pause for the last two weeks. Today for dinner I made veggie sausages with mashed potato, carrots and cabbage. It used a pack of sausages from the freezer and lots of veg from the fridge. Lots more to get though. I think the freezer is slowly going down although the ice cream seems to breed in there.. I don’t really consider that to be a bad thing though 😂.

A relaxing day planned tomorrow with DS. We are taking the books back to the tiny library and then will visit the large further away library for better book selections and get DS signed up with his own library card. Then out for lunch and will get a few bits in town whilst we are there like his vitamins and back home. I will make a crumble to use up soft apples, lots of plums and an open vegan cream.  I already have salmon defrosting for dinner to serve with potatoes and veg from the fridge as I have too many of both. Should be a nice day. Just got the rest of the holidays to plan!

QueenJess

I know what you all were thinking this morning when you got up… “I wonder what a cucumber would look like if it threw off all social conventions and grew in a circle.” Well I am happy to say I can oblige 😂 

Aimingforthegoodlife

That cucumber is amazing!!! I would totally buy that in a store, I did a pants job when I tried to grow cucumbers!haha.

I wonder if you ever read back your diary? Honestly, the amount you do is unreal, I was exhausted trying to keep up with you and I just don't think you see how incredibly you manage everything. You also have so much responsibility on you, DH needs to step up more really, just because you work from home, doesn't mean it isn't work! QueenJess, you are a wonderful parent, everything you do is for your children and it will show in how wonderful they are, but also, you need to look after yourself too. I think that comment in your appraisal is completely wrong, I don't see how it is even appropriate?? I hope when you get your 4 weeks off you get chance to breathe

Bluegreen143

I would also echo that you do an incredible amount and I don’t see a lot of time taken for yourself. Of course that is often unavoidable with such young kids and working FT but I hope that in these four weeks, not only do you get to spend time with your littles but that you get to put your feet up and relax in the sun at times too (even if you put a movie on for your kids or something to get some peace to do so). Don’t feel you need to spend the four weeks catching up too much on stuff round the house.

QueenJess

@Aimingforthegoodlife I have never grown them before and was convinced that they would fail as I don't have a greenhouse.  However, I think they've loved the hot weather and thrived (unlike the blueberries.... I had bowls and bowls of them last year and this year I have 5 ).  I do wish they sold more odd shaped vegetables as standard.  I remember when you got something odd shaped in your dinner it was always exciting or when you got a kitkat where there was no biscuit in it or something.  Who decided we wanted everything to look the same as I definitely wasn't consulted on that decision!

Thank you so much for your kind words.  I don't really read it back... don't have time!  I think I've concluded that work are just a bit useless, isn't really my thing there (and no future anyway) and they all lost my respect quite some time ago.  I just go in, do what should be done, fix everything myself and that's that.  DH is trying to convince me to stay for the cash and go part time, but I think over time it will wear me down and become very depressing.  I am just not the right person for it and I am just unable to go into a job and stay for the cash doing an average job.  I have tried, but I can't do it; I'm just all or nothing (although generally all..).  I am lucky enough that we can cope without my wage so there doesn't seem a reason to stay.  I already decided to leave years ago and just need to actually do it!  Just need to count down until March next year and then I can leave, so trying to push it to the back of my mind for now.  I have some flexibility in the job and at least they leave me to my own devices and I can work from home.  So I will be flexing time and what I work on as much as I am able to make it more interesting and bearable for me.

I don't yet feel relaxed, but it's only been a week.  I remember pre children that it used to take 2 weeks to feel relaxed, although not sure if I will achieve it with a chilled out 5 year old and a highly strung, very high maintenance 15 month old!  I should be getting on doing lots of things, but I've been sat on the sofa for the last hour just really tired.  I just need DD to sleep, but she has an uncanny knack of always waking me up at key times so I never get any deep sleep.  It means I run out of steam later in the day and my brain goes fuzzy.  To be fair I've thought about bringing finances up to date, tidying the house, dusting, sorting out some of the garden tidying etc, but I really can't be bothered.  My brain is rebelling and keeps telling me to delay it since I am meant to be on holiday for four weeks!

At least DS has had a good holiday so far and we've packed a reasonable amount in already.  We've done the dentist, signed him up to the library (and the summer holiday reading challenge) and combined that with a wonder round some shops, got some lunch out and went to the park.  We've also been to a Lego exhibition (combined with visiting my sister and having an exciting trip on the train), went to his first trip to the cinema (he can't sit still so it's the first time I dared take him!), went out for lunch with DH, went to a car event with DH and had a circus skills all day workshop with one of my friends at home.  This weekend DH's friends are round for a BBQ and there is quite a few coming and one staying.  He promised me he would deal with everything himself and I won't have to do anything, but he keeps trying to tell me about it or ask me questions about food... I literally have no brain space for that at the moment and keep trying to escape

DD is getting a million teeth at once all coming out singly and in totally random places.  Maybe we should have a sweepstake on where the next one will be?  Means a bit less sleep of course.  She also keeps having dirt baths in the dry dusty soil at nursery so we have to put her straight in a bath when she gets back and is tired.  It's not fun bathing a very grumpy and headstrong 15 month old.  Her face the other day when she saw I had baked (banana and chocolate flapjacks for DS).. she was so excited and then looked so sad when she discovered there was chocolate in them and that is the only thing she doesn't like.  So yesterday I made her muffins.  She was crying after her bath and so I showed her the cake and she immediately stopped with a big grin on her face.  She just loves cake and loves it when I bake!  She is picking up new words from me most days now which is quite exciting and now means we are back to spelling some words (I daren't say "cake" as she knows what that means and gets too excited).

So tomorrow I will be getting all the washing done, beds changed, the spare bed set up for DH's friend and tidying round the place generally and clearing the patio from my spare flower pots/canes etc.  If we get time I may take DS to the park so he isn't trapped inside all day.  I am still clearing down food stores in preparation for our little holiday next week.  We ate lots of snacks at the cinema, so tonight is pesto pasta with mushrooms, tomatoes and chard (or peas and broccoli for picky DS).  That will use up the pesto, mushrooms, tomatoes and parmesan from the fridge.  Pudding is probably jam muffins or any of the big load of ice cream in the freezer.

I guess I should put some washing on in a minute and sort out this nursery bill for August so I can claim I've actually achieved something today apart from buying command strips and changing batteries in my car keys and the kids toys.

QueenJess

Bluegreen143 said:

I would also echo that you do an incredible amount and I don’t see a lot of time taken for yourself. Of course that is often unavoidable with such young kids and working FT but I hope that in these four weeks, not only do you get to spend time with your littles but that you get to put your feet up and relax in the sun at times too (even if you put a movie on for your kids or something to get some peace to do so). Don’t feel you need to spend the four weeks catching up too much on stuff round the house.

Thanks @Bluegreen143 . Sadly all my hobbies and things I like to do happen of an evening and since DD refuses to release me, I am still waiting to go back to do the things I want to. I really hope she stops needing me all evening soon…

QueenJess

Well I survived the 5 day holiday (just)!  DD refused to sleep in the travel cot until deeply asleep and since she wakes multiple times a night, that is a lot of time spent cuddling her back to sleep.  I felt so awful after the first night that we were seriously considering going home if it didn't improve.  Luckily it did get a bit better, mainly because we exhausted her so much each day that she had no resistance left and just had to sleep!  She had a fantastic time and was so engaged the whole time.  DS also had a brilliant time, so I think we may risk another holiday in the future.

As always, being away just highlights how much junk you happily live without and so I'm back on the decluttering horse with avengeance.  Sadly with being the only grandchildren on both sides and us being given multiple hand me down toys from friends, we have far too much stuff around.  I've been reading up on why having too many toys out is not great as well as the Montessori method that is used at DD's nursery.  DD doesn't play with toys really and just pulls them all onto the floor and goes onto the next thing and so I really think she would benefit from fewer toys.  DS gets overwhelmed as well as he generally plays with the same things, but finds it hard to tidy after as there is just so much stuff.  He is also getting too materialistic for my liking (not helped by continuous grandparent presents, but I've given up as they don't listen to me).  Anyway, I plan to have a big purge of everything and then box up things we want but is too much to have out at once and start rotating toys.  I've already gone through all of DD's toys, although I think I may still have a bit too much out.  We shall see how it goes.  DS's stuff I will start to tackle with him in the week.  I've already had a discussion about it with him and he seems happy with it all.  I think this will be a big project and I still have a few areas of the house I'd like to have another look at as well before I go back to work.

Opposite a bit to decluttering, but I've ordered a small toddler table and two chairs so DD can be a bit more independent (she wants to do everything herself at the moment) and can get into colouring/stickers etc.  She does seem interested in those and this way she can sit down and do it herself whenever she wants.

Now we are back I need to sort out eating down the freezer/cupboards again and also really need to get on top of the spending soon.  Our credit card bill is wiping out most of our joint current account at the moment and I think we've been overspending on things we don't need to (like food).  I do need to cut back and prioritise some of the days out I have planned with DS.  I also think I've had to concentrate too much on DD recently (she is relentless... her little mind never stops and she is coming out with new words daily now!) and DS is starting to play up a bit (DH is too soft with him and I provide discipline, so without me it all goes to pot!).  Hopefully I can sort this out once DD is back in nursery as I have another two weeks to spend with DS before I go back to work.  Definitely have not missed work for even a second!

Right, I'd better get another load of holiday washing done before my parents arrive for the day.  Fingers crossed they are not bringing much with them apart from the huge load of free blackberries they are supplying my freezer with for the winter

themadvix

Glad you had a good holiday - you sound much happier, so it’s obviously had a good effect!

QueenJess

themadvix said:

Glad you had a good holiday - you sound much happier, so it’s obviously had a good effect!

Thanks @themadvix . Despite me obviously being the person in charge of all the packing (not for DH though… he is not a child!) at both sides and generally running around after the kids (exhausting), it was good to have a break from cooking or planning meals etc and letting someone else do it. It’s going to be a big let down when I have to go back to work!