A new royal start

Jessy103

Hang in there Jess and don't forget how amazing you are! 🙂

QueenJess

@Jessy103 Thanks

Feeling rubbish at the moment and not entirely sure why - just a SAD thing maybe?  No idea.  I keep reading about all these other people who have very hard lives/did have hard lives and feel guilty as I know I'm very lucky.  Doesn't make me feel better though, but do feel like I shouldn't feel rubbish.

I love to plan, but just can't due to unknowns re: job and also because I am finding it hard to make any decisions because my brain is permanently fuzzy.  It's the continuous lack of sleep and frustratingly I can't do anything about that but wait.  Eventually DD will have to stop feeding at night and then I can get some proper sleep.  She's been very snacky the last few nights and so I've had even less sleep than usual.  DH also has had to go into work until late most nights this week and so I'm parenting alone.

Nothing really happening and just trying to feed everyone well, make sure we are all in the right place at the right time and trying not to let the house fall into a complete mess.  I'm back into slow tidying mode as it's started to get a bit messy again, but just can't seem to find the time to spring clean DD's room at the moment.  Worst case scenario is that it'll all have to wait until she goes to nursery and then I can quickly blitz the remaining rooms.

I am one survey away from cashing out another £10 for DD's present.  That will bring me to £25/£55 needed and I'm about halfway to another £10 on another site.  Slowly making progress there.

I'm already thinking about my monthly shop for Feb as I will likely do it the last Sat of the month, which is already a week this Sat.  I need lots of time to plan as I forget things constantly and so I book it at the earliest opportunity so I can amend the order multiple times a day until I think I've remembered everything!  Should be a lot cheaper than usual (I hope) as I still have a lot of things in.  I do want to get some more pantry items though to help my healthy eating.  Seeds are next up (I'm not a massive fan of nuts) as I want to add them to salads, baking, soups and my morning porridge.  Definitely need some more dark chocolate as I'm having a crisis there!

DH's birthday on Monday was good.  He liked his presents and we are still happily munching his chocolate sponge cake (which tastes amazing!).  Will have to have a think about what to do with the rest of the apricot jam.  I like the idea of pastries, but not sure whether I can be bothered... Next up is my mum's birthday.  Need to make and post cards, but present is done.  Then it's DS's birthday in less than 2 weeks.  I think I have everything and just need to make a cake and wrap presents.  I've not thought about my own birthday the week after that - I feel like cancelling it really as I have no time or ability to do anything about it.  It's a big birthday too, but maybe we can do something when the kids are a bit older.  I suppose I should drag out my list and send people present requests! (we always do it so everyone can get what they want).

Got loads of food to use up in the fridge/freezer and I need to keep an eye on dates to make sure nothing gets wasted.  I had some yogurt about to go, so I made garlic flatbreads for the freezer (and ate a couple for lunch with my coleslaw).  Still got a huge amount of hm coleslaw to go - apparently the recipe is for 4 people, but the only way that's true is if they are giant people..  I might stir fry some for lunch tomorrow and put it in a wrap with some cheese or possibly beans.

Dinner today was lazy dinner that we can split eat (DH late home), so it was fish, chips and beans.  Tomorrow will be another split one - frozen sweetcorn, pack of ready made veg rice, frozen peas, possibly some onion and smoked mackerel.  Throw in the pan and heat up in 5 mins flat.  Perfect when you are trying to referee two little ones and healthy too.  Might throw in the garlic flatbreads as well.

Head is fuzzy... off to bed now!

themadvix

Lack of sleep and future uncertainty are very, very hard to deal with Jess, so be kind to yourself. You’re doing great - as the rest of your post testifies to.

 The apricot jam will keep, so don’t put pressure on yourself to use it up in a hurry. I’m glad DH’s birthday went well, you put a lot of effort in!

 Not sure what to suggest about yours - it’s hard when it’s a big one (thought we were about the same age but clearly not quite/or not by a long way!). I can see why you’d want to put it off given how sleep deprived you are but then you do have to make sure you mark it at a later date.

Jessy103

Agree with vix, jess. Be kind to yourself!

Re: special birthday, maybe book yourself into a hotel, get room service and have a good sleep in a nice comfy bed while DH looks after the kids x

themadvix

Oooh good call Jessy! 

QueenJess

Jessy103 said:

Agree with vix, jess. Be kind to yourself!

Re: special birthday, maybe book yourself into a hotel, get room service and have a good sleep in a nice comfy bed while DH looks after the kids x

Ha!  I wish I could, but I'm still bf DD and she point blank refuses anything that isn't direct from me.  Plus she would not be happy without me... she's been quite clingy lately and panics if I put my coat on!

I think we'll go for a couple of nice lunches when DD goes to nursery in March and DS is in school.  Then I might just save up for a bucket list holiday for when the kids are old enough.  I don't really do bucket lists, but if I was to do one I would only have two things on there: visit Iceland and see the northern lights.

Had DD's 10 month review today and felt weird talking to another human being!  Anyway DD is exactly on track and the health visitor said I should be proud as I've done an excellent job in difficult circumstances (DD's various hospital visits etc).  So I treated myself to two small bunches of tulips in the local shop.  My kitchen is lovely and colourful now!  Unfortunately DH is deep into seasonal work nightmares and is not yet home - this also will continue throughout my birthday week so it's a bit of a write off..

QueenJess

Utterly fed up today. DH has been working all hours this week and I’ve been dealing with both kids on my own (which I expect for this time of year, so that’s ok). DD has started to sleep badly this week and so I’ve barely slept. DH does take her between 6am (when she gets up) to 8am so that’s my allocated sleep.

I expected DH to take DD a bit more at weekend, but no. On my own as usual. Last night I was trying to put DS to bed (who I never get to spend quality time with because of dealing with DD) and DD starts crying. I feed her, but she won’t go back to sleep. Eventually I manage (30 mins wasted) and obviously DH doesn’t notice. So then I try to finish the bedtime for DS and she starts crying again! Try asking for help from upstairs - no answer. So I say “I’ll go in then shall I?”, DH comes out The kitchen with tea and cake and says “yes, you should” and then goes off to sit in the lounge. So *issed off…

Last night I made a big effort to make pancakes for pudding for DS as a nice treat (but actually cleverly uses up the coconut and banana purée DD wasn’t too bothered with and would otherwise go off. Then this morning I get up, change the beds, put the washing on, put the clean clothes away, make soda bread to use the tangy yogurt in the fridge up, make DH flapjacks, make the batter for dinner later (toad in the hole with veggie sausages, onion gravy and the rest of the roasted veg I did earlier in the week and make pesto pasta for lunch. I also last night made a menu for the next 6 days to use up absolutely everything and make sure nothing is wasted.

DH just plays with DS, takes him outside to leave me struggling with doing stuff and holding DD who is struggling with teething again. Didn’t bother to help with nap time and DD refuses to go to sleep. I treated her gums, finished chores whilst carrying her in the other hand. I just was really annoyed and so took DD out for a walk without saying a word. Ploughed her with snacks and she’s eventually fallen asleep. So now walking around aimlessly for the last hour or so and probably for longer. No message from DH so I presume he hasn’t actually noticed.

 I’ll have to be back when DD wakes up to feed her, bath her, then make dinner for everyone, then it’s DD to bed, I grab some pudding, DS to bed and then me. So depressing. No time to myself at all and I’ve been struggling so much that I’ve only had one glass of water today and am really thirsty. Should have grabbed a bottle to come out, but DD was being such a pain I just left.

QueenJess

DD woke up happy and grinning at me, so at least someone is happy I guess!

themadvix

Glad DD was happy. I really think you need to sit down and talk to DH about this. It’s not on and from the way you are talking, you are close to breaking point. You need more support than you are getting and he needs to wake up and see how much you are doing for him and the family. Sorry to be harsh but he seems likely a totally self absorbed twit (other words could be applied here!). Raising children should be a team effort and it just doesn’t sound like he’s playing his part - just doing the nice bits and leaving you with all the carpy stuff.

I hope DD slept better last night and you have a better day today. Sending lots of hugs xxx

QueenJess

Things aren't too much better and this week won't be fun on my own (DH is into full on working now).  Already exhausted and it's only Monday.  Don't even see DH at the moment, so talking is impossible and he doesn't listen to a word I say anyway.  DD is driving me mad - she's teething again and all she wants is 24-7 mummy cuddles, which is lovely, but very much impractical.  She's a little minx already as when I give in and give her cuddles, she cuddles me back, clings on tightly and has a massive cheeky grin on her face.  Hopefully it won't last all week...

I rebelled in the most middle class and pathetic way possible by booking a milk delivery in glass bottles this Weds as a trial.  I don't drink any, it is DH who seems to absorb the stuff with cereal and a thousand cups of tea (and DS has some too).  I'm trying to not food shop very often as I tend to overbuy with an irrational fear of running out of things and I also want more home deliveries whilst DD is frankly driving me crazy and it is a struggle to get out sometimes.  I don't want to be worrying about running out of milk all the time.  DH hates milk in milk bottles because of some past "trauma" related to him failing to do his "job" as a child rinsing out the milk bottles and his dad putting them all in his room to make a point!  Yes, pathetic I know..  Anyway, more expensive, but it makes my life infinitely easier and ticks some green boxes.  Will get extra of my plant milk when I next get an order to encourage DH to use it (he has been using mine a bit already), but you are limited online to 10 only (10 litres), but that wouldn't even last a week in our house, so it's completely useless and almost no one sells the one I like.

I feel like I've missed a memo somewhere.  I've been setting up my A*di order for this Sat for a huge bulk buy for most the stuff for the month that I can get non-branded.  For some reason almost none of the supermarkets sell dishwasher salt online.  Have I missed something somewhere?!  Anyway, need to update the order as I've currently got about £10 more than I want to spend and I need to revisit it.  Will delay the branded delivery as long as I can, but will be dependent on what runs out first and it might be stock cubes.

Panicked last night because DD is being so annoying and so I cut up and prepared all the veg for tonight and tomorrow so I can just whip it out of the fridge.  Today for lunch was salmon and cream cheese bagels with salad and crisps.  Tonight is slow cooker chicken thighs in a mustard sauce with a million bits of veg to use up whatever is in the bottom of the fridge before the new veg box comes on Thursday (including broccoli, kale and cauliflower stems) and swede and potato mash.  At least it is all in the slow cooker, so just need to make some mash.  When I was sorting it out at lunchtime I threw together an apple and blackberry pie to have with the huge amount of vanilla ice cream in the freezer, so at least I can commiserate later with that and some chocolate chip oat biscuits I made yesterday as I really fancied some biscuits.

Am impressed with myself that I've planned well and the only thing I've "thrown out"* in a week is apple cores, onion skin, clementine pips and some apple peel into the compost.  Absolutely everything else is used or saved, including potato peel in the freezer to make some soup at some point.  My fridge is starting to look more bare than I ever remember before and it is blowing my mind that I still have plenty of food to get through to Thursday for veg/fruit and Saturday at least with my shopping order.  The freezer is also looking a bit less rammed.  At least I should see a difference in my food bill which I am still working on decreasing.  It has definitely been falling quite significantly from the last few months and I have scope for more.  Hoping to get closer to £80 a week in the next few months.

Been thinking about my birthday a bit and I have little I can do about it.  So, I am thinking of making myself some goodies - chocolate cheesecake, candied peel dipped in dark chocolate and may melt myself some chocolate into shapes (everyone else gets them from me, so I want some!).  May also take myself off to M&S with my vouchers and find some things I like there as a treat.  Enough of this thinking ahead though, still got my mum's card to make and send before Friday and need to start wrapping presents and generally sorting myself out for DS's birthday next week.

Right, can't just sit around here (I shoved DD at DH and told him I was going to scream and rock back and forth in a corner as DD is driving me mad about an hour ago - only day he is home this week and including for dinner).  Need to go and boil some potatoes and swede for the mash.

*obviously not actually thrown out, but composted.