Ex refusing to cooperate with house sale or buy me out

inapickle74

Hello everyone,

I'd appreciate any advice on the predicament I'm in currently, or if anyone has gone through a similar experience. 

I split with my partner early 2019. We aren't married and have no children. The only asset we have is a house that we purchased in 2018. We are joint tenants with no deed of trust in place. I left the relationship due to abuse and moved back in with my parents. Historically, I've always paid half of the mortgage and bills and have paid half of the mortgage since the split. He still lives in the property.

Approximately three months after the split,  we discussed what to do with the house and agreed to put it up for sale. 

Since then, my ex has become increasingly difficult and obstructive.  For example, he will disagree with me about the sale price of the house and want it at a higher price, rather than being more realistically priced. He has also cancelled valuations and visits from estate agents when I've tried to progress things. He has tried to freeze me out of the process by not explaining to solicitors and estate agents that we've split. I have evidence of me trying to resolve this.

The house had little interest in terms of viewings, but in January this year we received an offer and accepted. The sale price was less than list price, and would have meant we each walked away with 20k in equity. Unfortunately, our buyer pulled out in May. 

The house was relisted but hasn't had any interest since. Three weeks ago, my ex approached me out of the blue to inform me he was considering buying me out, but needed my permission before pursuing with our mortgage lender.  Alarm bells started ringing for me when he started talking about giving me a buyout figure of significantly less (5k) than my share and that he would give me what he felt I deserved. He seemed to pluck this figure from the air. 

I contacted him then other day to ask if he had queried buying me out with our mortgage provider but he said that he hasn't felt ike it, so he hasn't. He then contacted me by phone and was verbally abusive. He will not enter into discussions about dropping the sale price. 

I've reached a point where I am so drained by this process and unable to move on with my life. I also find it traumatic being in contact with him, as he can be volatile in that he can be agreeable but completely changes from day to day. Due to the reason I left, I don't want to move back in, buy him out and I can't see the point in mediation.  I know I've put myself in a weaker position by leaving the property, but I could not live in the house any longer. 

I've arranged an appointment with a solicitor this week to go through my options. My hope is that a solicitor's involvement will force his hand, but it looks likely that I might have to consider forcing a sale at an agreed price. 

Apologies for the length of this post and I hope I havent missed out any details. 

Socajam

As someone who wen through this sin 1989, your ex is trying to bully and weaken you into getting the property.
Do not give in and DO NOT sign anything however frustrated you are unless you are being given the true value of what both of you should be given
Yes, you are going to be extremely frustrated, but have an appointment with the solicitor and then go from there.
He cannot get you off the mortgage without your signature and he cannot sell without yours signature - get in touch with the building society and explain the situation you are in and see what they say
Also get a will drawn up so that if anything were to happen to you, your parents would get your 50%
I had hell with mine, and we both were living in the property.
Eventually he agreed and I gave him 20K, had to increase the mortgage from 39K to 60K in order to get him the money. 
He also made sure that we cancelled the endowment which really worked out expensive for me all round, but come forward 2020, i have been mortgage free for over 6 years and the property which is work the over 300K is all mine.
Be very careful what you say to you ex in writing and I would not speak to him unless I have someone with me if he can be abuse.  Also, if you can tape the meeting, do that you can something to fall back.  Be very wary of friends as he might use them to obtain valuable information from you.
He need to be told that if he strings out the legal process of this, the money will be coming from his portion, not yours.
Good luck, you are going to need, but will eventually get there.  You are not the first and will not be the last to go through this process.

inapickle74

Thank you so much socajam, it is so lovely to hear someone who has come out of the other side of it.  Your points are excellent and there's some things that I havent thought of, such as the will. 

I'm going to discuss with the solicitor if I can go as low contact as possible with him, or that everything he says from now is in writing. It is incredibly draining but I refuse to give in. He has taken so much from me already and I want only what is fair. 

pphillips

At the moment you own the property as joint tenant, so the property passes by survivorship rather than by will. You might want to stop this from happening by serving him with notice of severance.

sweetsand

A solicitor is a must, no ifs or buts.

gettingtheresometime

pphillips said:

At the moment you own the property as joint tenant, so the property passes by survivorship rather than by will. You might want to stop this from happening by serving him with notice of severance.

This is would be the first priority for me.

The second would be to check any death in service nomination forms I'd signed as to who I'd put down as beneficiaries and alter them if necessary.

then I'd see about the house, requesting all communication be in writing. 

Socajam

OP : you are welcome.
You have received some excellent advice since my comment.
I would start working on them as a matter of urgency.
Good luck, you are going to need it, but try and stay calm.  This is what I did, he proposed a solution to me, I took time and thought about it before giving a answer right away or signing anything without legal advice.

inapickle74

Thank you all so much for taking the time to respond. I'll be sure to mention the point on joint tenants to my solicitor. Luckily, I changed my death in service nominee for my pension pretty much straight away. 

ST1991

So sorry to hear about your situation

I found myself in almost the exact same situation just a few years ago. I moved out due to abuse (and i had to rent somewhere as i had nowhere else to go) and ended up working myself to the bone to be able to afford half the mortgage and my rent + bills.
We also struggled to sell the house, and my ex offered me a measly sum to buy him out too because it was what he thought i deserved.
Fast forward to now - it took a while, but i actually bought him out instead. I had to remortgage and borrow more - but it can be somewhat easily done. Don't settle for less.

I'm glad to hear you've got supportive parents who will home you whilst all of this goes on.
There is light at the end of the tunnel... however speak to a solicitor and change the tenancy on the house.
If dealing with an estate agent, give them a call and just inform them of the situation. Make sure they are aware that you need to be copied in to ALL correspondence (by email?) and must be involved in every part as you own the house just as much as he does.
If harassment continues, block his number and insist he only email you. Set up a new email address if that helps. We obviously don't know the extent of your situation, but contact the police if you must, they may not do anything but at least it will be on file for if anything else happens (i'm not saying it will - just protect yourself) x